The Dawn of a New Era.
After three long years of enduring constant chatter about the latest relocation rumors, out-of-order bathrooms, a parking lot that wouldn't be out of place in the worst parts of Syria, owners who were actively antagonizing their own fanbase in order to better increase their chances of moving the franchise to any city willing to give them money for hookers and blow, a neglected team being run by a barebones front office working with less than limited resources, and a bitter struggle with the entire city of Seattle and its very eager potential ownership group, we've finally found out that there was indeed a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
The Kings are staying and are being run by a new regime that has thus far proven to be just about the exact opposite of our last group of "esteemed" owners. Progress is being made on plans for a new arena in our long struggling downtown core and, in the meantime, our old arena is being given some of the tender, loving care she deserves (functional urinals, anyone?). By god, things are finally starting to look up. The damage of years of neglect and abuse on the part of a family of syphilitic Vodka salesmen from Las Vegas is slowly but surely beginning to be repaired by the efforts of Silicon Valley savants, actual developers, the guy who pretty much made fitness mainstream, Mitch Richmond, the former number three guy in the NBA hierarchy, and some dude named Shaq.
With all of the relocation drama finally out of the way, it's perfectly fine to once again focus on actual Sacramento Kings basketball.
Damn. Feels great, doesn't it?
On With The Show
As old timers on Kingsfans.com know, the game thread used to be a major feature of the forum as a whole. Helmed by a horde of amazing contributors such as Piksi and venom_7, the game thread posts were essentially sarcastic blogposts before sarcastic blogposts were cool. Then, as time worse on and the Kings saw fit to starting sucking more than a Disney channel sitcom (Had to resist slipping an extra "h" in there), things sort of changed. Piksi and venom_7 and Emma moved on (I'm sure onto bigger and better things) and I officially/unofficially "picked up the torch" as the designated game thread-er, giving this site such highlights as the great Soggy Waffles debacle of 2010 (SCREW YOU, SPENCER HAWES) and... not much else, actually.
Then I got busy as well and the game thread opening post spectacle sorta dropped off a cliff (though to be fair, it had already plummet once the vaunted Mount Rushmore of KF.com game thread champions vacated the premises). In fact, I think my last real game thread came at the end of the dreadful Anaheim Royals season (Said Game Thread/ Stephen on the Soap Box Moment found here), a swarthy unedited stream of nostalgia and hopefulness. Then the relocation saga took over and most of my attention shifted from the product on the court to the best PG in Sacramento (KJ for MVP). It helped that the Kings have largely been atrocious over the past couple of years as well but for the most part, my heart quite simply wasn't really into the game of basketball.
So why am I writing this then?
Quite simply, it's because I care again. Gone are the Maloofs and the calamity they brought with them. Gone are the days when apathy in the front office was translated into apathy on the court. Gone are the days of substandard signings made solely to make the team cross the salary floor threshold. Gone are all the things that made it hard to just be a fan, to just enjoy myself.
I care again. And I want you to care too.
I want Kings games to be enjoyable again. I want the excitement and glee leading up to tipoff to be palpable once again. And I suppose that my small way of helping with this is to put on my writing pants once again and crank out stupid, nonsensical gobbledygook for you all to ignore/laugh at.
Now, will I have the time or patience to keep doing these threads for every single game? Time will tell. As of now, I am essentially free until the end of November when I am moving back to my beloved homeland of Japan and away from my beloved hometown of Sacramento. That's when things could get dicey. But until then, I declare to you this: Kingsfans.com Game Threads are back, baby. And I intend to make them worth the while.
Get ready Kings Fans. The season starts now.
Uhhh... How do We do This Again?
Admittedly, I came into the whole game thread poststravaganza thing once a general format had already been set in place, that format largely being: Stuff about the last game, general NBA snark, awards handed out for the prior game, "key" match ups for the readers to keep their eyes on, and a final prediction (or predictions) about the outcome of the night's game.
While the old timers know about the awards, newcomers to game threads might be surprised to find that most of our awards were... uhh, less than flattering. The old standbys for this section were largely as follows:
TDM (Tony Delk Memorial Award): Given to the guy on the other team who either (a) once played on the Kings and came back to bite us, or (b) the anonymous scrub who decided to play like an MVP candidate against the Kings just to spite us.
LW-VC (Luke Walton Vacuum Cleaner Award): Given to the player from either team who sucked the most.
RA&1 (Rafer Alston And One Award): Awarded to the fellow who decided to play the most like a streetballer.
SAR (Shareef Abdur-Rahim Award): Given to a formerly capable player now reduced to hobbling around as a shadow of their former self. In other words, the oldest and suckiest guy wins.
JHA (Jason Hart Award): Given to the Kings bench player who is given a lot of leeway and does nothing but hurt the team. In other words, Jason Hart.
Most of these awards are, in my opinion, a little outdated. Tony Delk has been retired for a good eight years now. Who the hell was Rafer Alston, anyways? No one uses vacuum cleaners these days. Reef is now our number three guy in the front office. I'm pretty sure Jason Hart doesn't even remember who Jason Hart is.
If the awards continue on, I'm probably going to have to modernize them/ update them. In other words, Awards Time... 3.0. (No Hindi tab yet though. Sorry.)
Thus, my poll for today is really more of a survey of what you all want to see in game threads now. If you think of something not in the poll, you can of course reply in this thread or send me a candygram via Pony Express.
It's Sorta Hard to Do a Game Thread For the First Game of the Season
One thing that hasn't changed with the new regime? A lack of coverage of the preseason. Seriously, it's the 21st freaking century. Our phones can play music now. Is it really that hard to put the preseason games on the air? Hell, I'd even settle for a crappy, legal webstream. Just something. NBA 3.0 is apparently big on globalization and small on preseason footage. Long Live the Preseason.
Thanks to this lack of coverage and the fact that no one really gives a darn about preseason, I really don't have much to say about the past seven "games" aside from the simple notion that we actually resemble a team for once. I've never been happier to see a team run basic offensive sets. It's stupid, really, but after years of Westphal and Smart, it's a welcome change.
Demarcus seems to finally be getting it but, once again, it's preseason and preseason means nothing. That said, his effort on the defensive end is 100 percent better than it was at the end of last season. Will we ever confuse him for Dwight Howard? No. But at the very least, Demarcus is capable of being an average post defender. On offense, Boogie seems to have realized that baskets scored in the paint count the same as ones scored on the perimeter. Utilizing his strength and quickness, the man has begun to incorporate a bevy of post moves and half hooks into his repertoire and has seen his numbers rocket to match.
Seriously, have you seen his per-36 stats over the preseason? Insanity, I tell you. If this is what we can come to expect from the Big Cuz over the course of 82 games, we are in for a fun season.
---
I don't know if you guys have noticed but there's been quite a deal of discussion about the future of one Jimmer Fredette with the Sacramento Kings franchise. In said debate, things have pretty seemed to delineate to the point that the two sides of the discussion have broken down to people who believe Jimmer will turn into this:
or people who believe Jimmer will turn into this:
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There appears to be no middle ground in the debate, though the reality is that while Jimmer is certainly never going to be an MVP candidate, there's a good chance he won't be Adam Morrison-level "meh" either. Such is the life of a Kings fan in the 21st century. By the way, has anyone else noticed Adam Morrison kinda looks like Badger from Breaking Bad?
Sooooooo About Tonight
Things are gonna be crazy. The new era is beginning. The city is bristling with optimism about its beloved sports team. I just saved 15% on auto insurance by switching to Geico.
Things are gonna be so crazy that David Stern is probably going to get a standing ovation. From an NBA crowd. In a city that still holds 2002 against him. Only in Sacramento, folks. Only in Sactown.
The Kings are coming into the game with a 0-0 record, a rookie headcoach, and a starting lineup that's only been determined in the past day or two. Led by the simultaneously terrific/terrifying Demarcus Cousins, the team and it's ultimate potential is one big question mark. They could either suck eggs and wind up in the Wiggins sweepstakes or somehow sneak into the bottom half of the playoff picture. Honestly, no one knows and if they told you they did, you should probably punch them in the face for lying to you.
Meanwhile, the Nuggets come into the season in a state of limbo/fake contention. Having lost their star swingman, Hall of Fame coach, and most of their front office, the team is probably an even bigger question mark than the Kings are. A collection of pieces, what this team lacks in star power, it makes up for in sheer meh-ness. While Ty Lawson is probably their best player, the ageless wonder Andre Miller is their steadying presence of the bench. Any team starting a front court of Javale "Walking Lobotomy" McGee and JJ "Petrie's Folly" Hickson is going to give everyone involved a headache and that'll probably happen tonight. I'm anticipating Javale doing something pretty stupid tonight because Shaq is in attendance and if there's one thing Javale likes to do more than doing something stupid, it's being made fun of by Shaq for doing something stupid. Backing up the two dumbketeers is Kennith Faried, a very rich man's Mikki Moore.
Coaching the Nuggets is first time head coach Brian Shaw. While his lifestory is very inspiring, he's a former Laker which means I am genetically inclined to hate him. Having spent time working under Phil Jackson, it's still yet to be seen how he'll handle running a team lacking the starpower of other teams in the NBA.
Another key thing to keep in mind about the Nuggets is the presence of the world's tallest Earl Boykins, Nate Robinson. A proven scorer off the bench, the Napoleonic dynamo caught some recent flack from Kings fans for saying that he was planning on playing for the Sonics this season and generally being a bit of a Seattle twit. Boo the man as you see fit tonight.
MATCHUPS
Demarcus versus Himself- The man can be as good as he wants to be. His journey to NBA dominance begins today.
Chuck Hayes versus the Buffet Line- Will the Chuckwagon be able to resist one more plate of stale french fries?
Javale McGee against Stupidity- I'm not a betting man but I'm pretty sure my money's on stupidity on this one.
Kings Fans versus Tears- It's been a long journey but the results are all the sweeter because of it. I'd recommend bringing tissues juuuuuuust in case.
Me versus Game Threads- Will my renewed passion carry on past tonight or will my laziness get the best of me?
Prediction Time
Bolstered by a raucous crowd of 17k out of control Kings fans, the good guys prevail against the dudes from the mountains 94-87, led by a 26 point, 15 rebound performance from the franchise centerpiece. Shaq says something amusing. Hugs and kisses for everyone in the parking lot.
My season prediction? 45-37. Kings just manage to sneak into the 8th seed in the west. But what do I know? I'm a blind homer on some occasions. Today is one of those times.
GO KINGS! I'll see y'all at Arco.
After three long years of enduring constant chatter about the latest relocation rumors, out-of-order bathrooms, a parking lot that wouldn't be out of place in the worst parts of Syria, owners who were actively antagonizing their own fanbase in order to better increase their chances of moving the franchise to any city willing to give them money for hookers and blow, a neglected team being run by a barebones front office working with less than limited resources, and a bitter struggle with the entire city of Seattle and its very eager potential ownership group, we've finally found out that there was indeed a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
The Kings are staying and are being run by a new regime that has thus far proven to be just about the exact opposite of our last group of "esteemed" owners. Progress is being made on plans for a new arena in our long struggling downtown core and, in the meantime, our old arena is being given some of the tender, loving care she deserves (functional urinals, anyone?). By god, things are finally starting to look up. The damage of years of neglect and abuse on the part of a family of syphilitic Vodka salesmen from Las Vegas is slowly but surely beginning to be repaired by the efforts of Silicon Valley savants, actual developers, the guy who pretty much made fitness mainstream, Mitch Richmond, the former number three guy in the NBA hierarchy, and some dude named Shaq.
With all of the relocation drama finally out of the way, it's perfectly fine to once again focus on actual Sacramento Kings basketball.
Damn. Feels great, doesn't it?
On With The Show
As old timers on Kingsfans.com know, the game thread used to be a major feature of the forum as a whole. Helmed by a horde of amazing contributors such as Piksi and venom_7, the game thread posts were essentially sarcastic blogposts before sarcastic blogposts were cool. Then, as time worse on and the Kings saw fit to starting sucking more than a Disney channel sitcom (Had to resist slipping an extra "h" in there), things sort of changed. Piksi and venom_7 and Emma moved on (I'm sure onto bigger and better things) and I officially/unofficially "picked up the torch" as the designated game thread-er, giving this site such highlights as the great Soggy Waffles debacle of 2010 (SCREW YOU, SPENCER HAWES) and... not much else, actually.
Then I got busy as well and the game thread opening post spectacle sorta dropped off a cliff (though to be fair, it had already plummet once the vaunted Mount Rushmore of KF.com game thread champions vacated the premises). In fact, I think my last real game thread came at the end of the dreadful Anaheim Royals season (Said Game Thread/ Stephen on the Soap Box Moment found here), a swarthy unedited stream of nostalgia and hopefulness. Then the relocation saga took over and most of my attention shifted from the product on the court to the best PG in Sacramento (KJ for MVP). It helped that the Kings have largely been atrocious over the past couple of years as well but for the most part, my heart quite simply wasn't really into the game of basketball.
So why am I writing this then?
Quite simply, it's because I care again. Gone are the Maloofs and the calamity they brought with them. Gone are the days when apathy in the front office was translated into apathy on the court. Gone are the days of substandard signings made solely to make the team cross the salary floor threshold. Gone are all the things that made it hard to just be a fan, to just enjoy myself.
I care again. And I want you to care too.
I want Kings games to be enjoyable again. I want the excitement and glee leading up to tipoff to be palpable once again. And I suppose that my small way of helping with this is to put on my writing pants once again and crank out stupid, nonsensical gobbledygook for you all to ignore/laugh at.
Now, will I have the time or patience to keep doing these threads for every single game? Time will tell. As of now, I am essentially free until the end of November when I am moving back to my beloved homeland of Japan and away from my beloved hometown of Sacramento. That's when things could get dicey. But until then, I declare to you this: Kingsfans.com Game Threads are back, baby. And I intend to make them worth the while.
Get ready Kings Fans. The season starts now.
Uhhh... How do We do This Again?
Admittedly, I came into the whole game thread poststravaganza thing once a general format had already been set in place, that format largely being: Stuff about the last game, general NBA snark, awards handed out for the prior game, "key" match ups for the readers to keep their eyes on, and a final prediction (or predictions) about the outcome of the night's game.
While the old timers know about the awards, newcomers to game threads might be surprised to find that most of our awards were... uhh, less than flattering. The old standbys for this section were largely as follows:
TDM (Tony Delk Memorial Award): Given to the guy on the other team who either (a) once played on the Kings and came back to bite us, or (b) the anonymous scrub who decided to play like an MVP candidate against the Kings just to spite us.
LW-VC (Luke Walton Vacuum Cleaner Award): Given to the player from either team who sucked the most.
RA&1 (Rafer Alston And One Award): Awarded to the fellow who decided to play the most like a streetballer.
SAR (Shareef Abdur-Rahim Award): Given to a formerly capable player now reduced to hobbling around as a shadow of their former self. In other words, the oldest and suckiest guy wins.
JHA (Jason Hart Award): Given to the Kings bench player who is given a lot of leeway and does nothing but hurt the team. In other words, Jason Hart.
Most of these awards are, in my opinion, a little outdated. Tony Delk has been retired for a good eight years now. Who the hell was Rafer Alston, anyways? No one uses vacuum cleaners these days. Reef is now our number three guy in the front office. I'm pretty sure Jason Hart doesn't even remember who Jason Hart is.
If the awards continue on, I'm probably going to have to modernize them/ update them. In other words, Awards Time... 3.0. (No Hindi tab yet though. Sorry.)
Thus, my poll for today is really more of a survey of what you all want to see in game threads now. If you think of something not in the poll, you can of course reply in this thread or send me a candygram via Pony Express.
It's Sorta Hard to Do a Game Thread For the First Game of the Season
One thing that hasn't changed with the new regime? A lack of coverage of the preseason. Seriously, it's the 21st freaking century. Our phones can play music now. Is it really that hard to put the preseason games on the air? Hell, I'd even settle for a crappy, legal webstream. Just something. NBA 3.0 is apparently big on globalization and small on preseason footage. Long Live the Preseason.
Thanks to this lack of coverage and the fact that no one really gives a darn about preseason, I really don't have much to say about the past seven "games" aside from the simple notion that we actually resemble a team for once. I've never been happier to see a team run basic offensive sets. It's stupid, really, but after years of Westphal and Smart, it's a welcome change.
Demarcus seems to finally be getting it but, once again, it's preseason and preseason means nothing. That said, his effort on the defensive end is 100 percent better than it was at the end of last season. Will we ever confuse him for Dwight Howard? No. But at the very least, Demarcus is capable of being an average post defender. On offense, Boogie seems to have realized that baskets scored in the paint count the same as ones scored on the perimeter. Utilizing his strength and quickness, the man has begun to incorporate a bevy of post moves and half hooks into his repertoire and has seen his numbers rocket to match.
Seriously, have you seen his per-36 stats over the preseason? Insanity, I tell you. If this is what we can come to expect from the Big Cuz over the course of 82 games, we are in for a fun season.
---
I don't know if you guys have noticed but there's been quite a deal of discussion about the future of one Jimmer Fredette with the Sacramento Kings franchise. In said debate, things have pretty seemed to delineate to the point that the two sides of the discussion have broken down to people who believe Jimmer will turn into this:
or people who believe Jimmer will turn into this:
There appears to be no middle ground in the debate, though the reality is that while Jimmer is certainly never going to be an MVP candidate, there's a good chance he won't be Adam Morrison-level "meh" either. Such is the life of a Kings fan in the 21st century. By the way, has anyone else noticed Adam Morrison kinda looks like Badger from Breaking Bad?
Sooooooo About Tonight
Things are gonna be crazy. The new era is beginning. The city is bristling with optimism about its beloved sports team. I just saved 15% on auto insurance by switching to Geico.
Things are gonna be so crazy that David Stern is probably going to get a standing ovation. From an NBA crowd. In a city that still holds 2002 against him. Only in Sacramento, folks. Only in Sactown.
The Kings are coming into the game with a 0-0 record, a rookie headcoach, and a starting lineup that's only been determined in the past day or two. Led by the simultaneously terrific/terrifying Demarcus Cousins, the team and it's ultimate potential is one big question mark. They could either suck eggs and wind up in the Wiggins sweepstakes or somehow sneak into the bottom half of the playoff picture. Honestly, no one knows and if they told you they did, you should probably punch them in the face for lying to you.
Meanwhile, the Nuggets come into the season in a state of limbo/fake contention. Having lost their star swingman, Hall of Fame coach, and most of their front office, the team is probably an even bigger question mark than the Kings are. A collection of pieces, what this team lacks in star power, it makes up for in sheer meh-ness. While Ty Lawson is probably their best player, the ageless wonder Andre Miller is their steadying presence of the bench. Any team starting a front court of Javale "Walking Lobotomy" McGee and JJ "Petrie's Folly" Hickson is going to give everyone involved a headache and that'll probably happen tonight. I'm anticipating Javale doing something pretty stupid tonight because Shaq is in attendance and if there's one thing Javale likes to do more than doing something stupid, it's being made fun of by Shaq for doing something stupid. Backing up the two dumbketeers is Kennith Faried, a very rich man's Mikki Moore.
Coaching the Nuggets is first time head coach Brian Shaw. While his lifestory is very inspiring, he's a former Laker which means I am genetically inclined to hate him. Having spent time working under Phil Jackson, it's still yet to be seen how he'll handle running a team lacking the starpower of other teams in the NBA.
Another key thing to keep in mind about the Nuggets is the presence of the world's tallest Earl Boykins, Nate Robinson. A proven scorer off the bench, the Napoleonic dynamo caught some recent flack from Kings fans for saying that he was planning on playing for the Sonics this season and generally being a bit of a Seattle twit. Boo the man as you see fit tonight.
MATCHUPS
Demarcus versus Himself- The man can be as good as he wants to be. His journey to NBA dominance begins today.
Chuck Hayes versus the Buffet Line- Will the Chuckwagon be able to resist one more plate of stale french fries?
Javale McGee against Stupidity- I'm not a betting man but I'm pretty sure my money's on stupidity on this one.
Kings Fans versus Tears- It's been a long journey but the results are all the sweeter because of it. I'd recommend bringing tissues juuuuuuust in case.
Me versus Game Threads- Will my renewed passion carry on past tonight or will my laziness get the best of me?
Prediction Time
Bolstered by a raucous crowd of 17k out of control Kings fans, the good guys prevail against the dudes from the mountains 94-87, led by a 26 point, 15 rebound performance from the franchise centerpiece. Shaq says something amusing. Hugs and kisses for everyone in the parking lot.
My season prediction? 45-37. Kings just manage to sneak into the 8th seed in the west. But what do I know? I'm a blind homer on some occasions. Today is one of those times.
GO KINGS! I'll see y'all at Arco.
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