An Open Letter to Kevin McHale & Glen Taylor, GM & Owner of the Timberwolves:
Dear Kevin and Glen,
We need your superstar. I know, I know, he's YOUR superstar. But really, what's the point already? You are floundering. Out of the playoffs and sinking. And even your famously passionate superstar just looks depressed out there, weighted down by trying to singlehandedly carry your franchise for all these years and never really having a shot to be better than mediocre because you never got him enough help. What you guys need is a fresh start.
And you owe it to KG. He's played his heart out for you for a decade. Time to let him go to a competent franchise and chase that title.
And chase a title he would. I have seen Ron Artest up close and personal now and come to the conclusion that he is not selfish, he does not want to be Kobe, and all he wants to do is win. And cut rap records. I think he might actually have a problem working with a selfish shot oriented superstar, but we all know KG has always been everything but that. Two unselfish superstars, both passionate, high energy guys, tremendous defenders, and with mutual respect. Could be a match made in heaven.
But of course that's why we do it. You of course are going to need something back. Now unfortunately our list of keepers is growing fairly lengthy. And no, you can't have our kids. But we still have abundant spare parts. Enough for an interesting package. Enough to let you get a fresh start and free yourselves from KG's oh so onerous contract. It really is for your own good.
So we are prepared to trade you Bonzi Wells, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Brian Skinner, and our 2006 first round pick for your one KG. You know what? If you ask real nicely you can have our 2008 first round pick too. RealGm says it works, and what more do you need to know really?
Picks, players, ending contracts -- what more could you ask? I have it on good authority that trading one star for three lesser players is actually a great move that gives you "flexibility". Heck, last time we did it all we got back was Kenny Thomas, Corliss Williamson, and Skinner, so you guys are making out like relative bandits. Robbing us blind really.
And these aren't just any three players you're getting back. Even before the picks, these are three guys who will make all your dreams come true. Really. I mean it. Why would I lie to you? Reef...you'll love Reef, you really will. Classy guy, plays through pain. And did you know that he once averaged 20-10 in a season? Been a while, but there is not a doubt in my mind that he's ready to do it again. I can just feel it. And at that price tag -- $5mil a year? Wow. You get a great KG replacement back at 1/4 the price. In fact, you may not even know that KG is gone. And the best part? I again have it on good authority that he owns Kevin defensively. Shuts him down. KG is just helpless as a babe against him. And so you will never have to worry about getting your *** handed to you 4x a year by your former star. You've got Reef. What more could any team need?
And Brian...Brian's another good guy. And really, I've been told an absolute Ben Wallace clone. No difference between them at all in fact. He should be able to step right in and give you that dirtywork pro to help you settle that nasty center situation you have. May even very well become the starter. And will be a pro about it. And his contract is up after next year with a TEAM option -- so you can make the call whether to reup him or free up more cap space. Isn't that cool? And oh so much nicer than all of those 4 and 5 year anvils that you guys are always handing out. Not that that makes you stupid you understand. Just....unlucky. Well your luck is about to change. Big Brian to the rescue.
And Bonzi...wow, Bonzi has been great for us. Really has. You may remember him as some team wrecking cancer, but have you paid attention this year? He's turned into a Sacto cult hero. And I'm not buying that "we're shy of bad personalities after Cassel and Spree" bit. You just traded for Ricky Davis. The man who once took a shot at his own basket to try to get a triple double. Only reason we're even willing to give Bonzi up is because of the emergence of Kevin Martin. And his contract situation. And there's the beauty for you. If Bonzi doesn't work out, you just let him walk and that's $9 mil off the books right there. If he does, and his toughness matches well with what Casey wants, you could actually net yourself three starters here.
So there it is. A cheap KG replacement, a starting center, a starting OG who can become $9mil off the books, and a pick or two to accelerate the rebuiliding. This summer you could add two lottery picks, your own and ours --- because of course we promise not to go on a huge run with our new Miller/KG/Artest/Martin/Bibby lineup -- and have financial flexibility for the first time in years. Hey, and you know what, if you really pressed the issue we might even be able to take some of those nasty disappointing contracts off of your hands if it will help grease the deal. If you just want to free yourself of Jaric, of Griffin, just ask. We like Corliss, and so would you. And he's another contract ending after next year as well as one helluva nice guy. We'd even be willing to throw in a superstud in waiting in Jamal Sampson if Griffin was included, and Jason Hart if Jaric was coming. Hey, much shorter contract, no?
Come on guys, time to step to the table. I know you want to. You'll make a lot of fans happy. Maybe not Minnesota fans, but that's just lines on the map right? And besides, there are only two or three Wolves fans left to upset. Bottomline, you'll be doing a good deed. For us. For KG. For the NBA. You'll feel good about yourselves in the morning, I promise. No...no, don't pick up the phone to call Geoff or the Maloofs. Not necessary, although I think the Maloofs at least would be down with this. We the fans got this one. You just tell KG to get himself on a plane to Sacto tommorow. We'll take care of the rest. When Mr. Garnett arrives in town to a press conference to announce the trade, don't think that Geoff will have much choice but to just go with it.
Thank you gentleman for all your cooperation in our title run. We couldn't have done it without you really. And you can be sure that the Maloof's will extend you some VIP tickets to the big victory bash at the Palms. You might even get to stay in the $50,000 a night basketball suite for free. Will be a nice change from all those pesky Minnesotaers with their pitchforks and torches hanging around outside the Target Center.
Thank you again, and God Bless.
Sincerely,
Sacramento Kings fans everywhere
. Either way, Garcia wouldn't have to be included to make it work salary wise.
