R2D2
Bench
Greetings fellow purple blooded!
We are sending you this message from far away. Why here and now you may ask? Well, we found a very old machine in an antique yard sale which can communicate in “webish”. This is a kind of communication form that we have not used for over five centuries… but now we can (just like your new president!). As per the place – we could not find a more suitable fan thread. You and we have so much in common: (a) the passion for the game you call “basketball” (b) as mentioned, the color of the blood running through our pipes (or as you call them “veins”). But most importantly (c) your team has been picked as the club for testing the prototype model we used to call “Havoc 1.0”, one of our first inventions that was sent to your planet to teach us about you and to teach you how to REALLY play the game of hoops.
We must mention that as we are somewhat of a more developed specie we are currently living in your “future”. This gives us a small advantage knowledge wise (remark to mods: kindly add 2078 as year of birth when signing on your fanbase). But do not worry – we will not exploit this too often, as we understand some of you like the element called “surprise” (we could not decipher what that actually means, as it seems you think you know everything).
We would like to use this first message we send you to offer some comfort. We understand that you are in a frustrating situation. Naturally accepting that Havoc 1.0 is such a success is hard to digest with your human attributes. We remember still how some of you were so strangely excited about a much inferior design (Spanish prototype, we think) of the model that started as Nameless, became Gameless and ended up as Fameless. Yet some could not let go… Indeed the model needed some enhancements, especially on the communication skills front (nevertheless we did make everyone believe English was its mother’s tongue, albeit a few did remain skeptical). But back to the issue discussed - you need not to worry. We have installed a virtual intelligence system in our model that enables him to learn as he goes. So you can only imagine how well it is going to perform in a few years (“Havoc 5.2” was able to achieve that in minutes, but even we had some limitation back in 2010). Unfortunately this requires some patience. This is a word we do not know who invented on your planet, but it seems like he was the last person to understand its meaning. Now it is mostly used by basketball fans as to the time spam between two consecutive games. Unless a player shows significant improvement in that time frame he is immediately tagged as “scrub” or “bust”. Interestingly it does not work both ways. A 20/5/5 machine is only “showing some prospect” and a relatively weak game makes it “a questionable PG” or “an egoist player”. You humans are truly amazing! This also reflects on what we call a “rebuild program” and you sometime mistake with “instant pudding”. Yes, even “Havoc 1.0” used some help from humanoids. We remember one in particular, from the same crop, a Jewish prototype; no less (we believe it was amongst a few to ever be produced. We think it has something to do with the mutilation of their “special finger”). Indeed he was much inferior to our model, yet did bring some intangibles that Havoc 1.0 learnt to appreciate. But for some it was not enough. Apparently on Earth it only takes a bad game and a couple of airballs to make the leading FG% rookie to be “overrated” and “a tradable piece”. Wow – talk about tough audience people. And what about a 6’11’’ combo athlete, that is defining the laws of speed and gravity? No, not good enough. Not enough “B-Ball IQ”. Unfortunately it seems like some of you do not even grasp the concept of IQ nor did they ever set foot on a real competitive court... But wait – this is not meant to be harsh. You are so harsh on your fellow humans you do not need our help with criticism. We are here to provide support and encouragement. Indeed the Kings were far from perfect back in 2010. So were the Bulls before a certain “Michael Jordan” was sent by our rivals (from a nearby planet) back in 1984 (everyone figured out that he was not human, but that is a different story…). We can only disclose that it took “his airness” 7 full years to take his team to championship. Rest assured that we have learnt from their mistakes…
So fellow purple blooded people – do not lose courage. Some things are inevitable. Even Mr. Smith has acknowledged that. It does not matter what you do, know or think, you have no control on certain things. Might as well relax and enjoy the ride. Trust us – you are in for the time of your life!
With your permission – we will try to contact you again. For now – over and out.
We are sending you this message from far away. Why here and now you may ask? Well, we found a very old machine in an antique yard sale which can communicate in “webish”. This is a kind of communication form that we have not used for over five centuries… but now we can (just like your new president!). As per the place – we could not find a more suitable fan thread. You and we have so much in common: (a) the passion for the game you call “basketball” (b) as mentioned, the color of the blood running through our pipes (or as you call them “veins”). But most importantly (c) your team has been picked as the club for testing the prototype model we used to call “Havoc 1.0”, one of our first inventions that was sent to your planet to teach us about you and to teach you how to REALLY play the game of hoops.
We must mention that as we are somewhat of a more developed specie we are currently living in your “future”. This gives us a small advantage knowledge wise (remark to mods: kindly add 2078 as year of birth when signing on your fanbase). But do not worry – we will not exploit this too often, as we understand some of you like the element called “surprise” (we could not decipher what that actually means, as it seems you think you know everything).
We would like to use this first message we send you to offer some comfort. We understand that you are in a frustrating situation. Naturally accepting that Havoc 1.0 is such a success is hard to digest with your human attributes. We remember still how some of you were so strangely excited about a much inferior design (Spanish prototype, we think) of the model that started as Nameless, became Gameless and ended up as Fameless. Yet some could not let go… Indeed the model needed some enhancements, especially on the communication skills front (nevertheless we did make everyone believe English was its mother’s tongue, albeit a few did remain skeptical). But back to the issue discussed - you need not to worry. We have installed a virtual intelligence system in our model that enables him to learn as he goes. So you can only imagine how well it is going to perform in a few years (“Havoc 5.2” was able to achieve that in minutes, but even we had some limitation back in 2010). Unfortunately this requires some patience. This is a word we do not know who invented on your planet, but it seems like he was the last person to understand its meaning. Now it is mostly used by basketball fans as to the time spam between two consecutive games. Unless a player shows significant improvement in that time frame he is immediately tagged as “scrub” or “bust”. Interestingly it does not work both ways. A 20/5/5 machine is only “showing some prospect” and a relatively weak game makes it “a questionable PG” or “an egoist player”. You humans are truly amazing! This also reflects on what we call a “rebuild program” and you sometime mistake with “instant pudding”. Yes, even “Havoc 1.0” used some help from humanoids. We remember one in particular, from the same crop, a Jewish prototype; no less (we believe it was amongst a few to ever be produced. We think it has something to do with the mutilation of their “special finger”). Indeed he was much inferior to our model, yet did bring some intangibles that Havoc 1.0 learnt to appreciate. But for some it was not enough. Apparently on Earth it only takes a bad game and a couple of airballs to make the leading FG% rookie to be “overrated” and “a tradable piece”. Wow – talk about tough audience people. And what about a 6’11’’ combo athlete, that is defining the laws of speed and gravity? No, not good enough. Not enough “B-Ball IQ”. Unfortunately it seems like some of you do not even grasp the concept of IQ nor did they ever set foot on a real competitive court... But wait – this is not meant to be harsh. You are so harsh on your fellow humans you do not need our help with criticism. We are here to provide support and encouragement. Indeed the Kings were far from perfect back in 2010. So were the Bulls before a certain “Michael Jordan” was sent by our rivals (from a nearby planet) back in 1984 (everyone figured out that he was not human, but that is a different story…). We can only disclose that it took “his airness” 7 full years to take his team to championship. Rest assured that we have learnt from their mistakes…
So fellow purple blooded people – do not lose courage. Some things are inevitable. Even Mr. Smith has acknowledged that. It does not matter what you do, know or think, you have no control on certain things. Might as well relax and enjoy the ride. Trust us – you are in for the time of your life!
With your permission – we will try to contact you again. For now – over and out.
