[TDOS] Favorite TV/Movie/Book quotes (WARNING: OPEN SPOILERS!!!)

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

Consider this your Snickett Warning Label: there is a non-zero chance that this thread will contain open spoilers. Why? Because that's how I roll, that's why. If you continue beyond this point, consider any spoilage to be your just desserts.

So, what we want in this thread are your favorite quotes and/or monologues from your favorite books, movies and television shows. No specific format needs to be followed but, for the benefit of those of us who may not be familiar with the material you're quoting, the name of the media and the speaking character (and episode, if talking about a TV show) would be appreciated.

And I shall now kick things off:

 

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

"If [Reavers] take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And, if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order."
— Zoe Washburn, Firefly E101 "Serenity"

 

[Padrino]

"Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or f***ing beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back."
— Al Swearengen, Deadwood E207 "E.B. Was Left Out"

 

[Hadlowe]

Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen: First thing we're going to do is we're gonna acknowledge that this guy's awesome.
Deputy U.S. Marshal Rachel Brooks: What?
Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen: I mean, he shoots Theo Tonin, fakes his own death in a spectacular fashion, pushes a guy out of an airplane while he's flying it, parachutes into Harlan County with enough coke and cash to jump-start the economy of a small country, and then he has the balls to get a job in law enforcement, not once but two times! He spends a couple of days riding around with you
[points at Raylan]
Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal Art Mullen: while you're looking for him, and now he's run off with a hooker that's half his age. That's some bad-a** s***.
--Justified, E410 "Get Drew"

 

[Prophetess]

“As the cheering continued, Rhyme leaned forward and touched Milo gently on the shoulder.
"They're cheering for you," she said with a smile.
"But I could never have done it," he objected, "without everyone else's help."
"That may be true," said Reason gravely, "but you had the courage to try; and what you can do is often simply a matter of what you *will* do."
"That's why," said Azaz, "there was one very important thing about your quest that we couldn't discuss until you returned.
"I remember," said Milo eagerly. "Tell me now."
"It was impossible," said the king, looking at the Mathemagician.
"Completely impossible," said the Mathemagician, looking at the king.
"Do you mean----" said the bug, who suddenly felt a bit faint.
"Yes, indeed," they repeated together; "but if we'd told you then, you might not have gone---and, as you've discovered, so many things are possible just as long as you don't know they're impossible."
And for the remainder of the ride Milo didn't utter a sound.”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

This was the quote I chose to put on my graduation cap: "what you can do is often simply a matter of what you *will* do" - I love this book and if you've never read it, I can say emphatically that you are missing out.

 

[dukeswh]

Tyrion Lannister: Father, I wish to confess. I wish to confess!
Tywin Lannister: You wish to confess?
Tyrion Lannister: [to the crowd] I saved you. I saved this city. All your worthless lives. I should have let Stannis kill you all.

Tywin Lannister: Tyrion, do you wish to confess?
Tyrion Lannister: Yes, father. I'm guilty. Guilty. Is that what you want to hear?
Tywin Lannister: You admit you poisoned the king?
Tyrion Lannister: No. Of that, I'm innocent. I'm guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I'm guilty of being a dwarf.
Tywin Lannister: You are not on trial for being a dwarf.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh, yes I am. I've been on trial for that my entire life.
Tywin Lannister: Have you nothing to say in your defense?
Tyrion Lannister: Nothing but this, I did not do it.
[to Cersei]
Tyrion Lannister: I did not kill Joffery, but I wish that I had! Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores!
[to the crowd]
Tyrion Lannister: I wish I was the monster you think I am! I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you! I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!

Tywin Lannister: Ser Meryn! Ser Meryn escort the prisoner back to his cell!
Tyrion Lannister: I will not give my life for Joffery's murder and I know I'll get no justice here, so I will let the gods decide my fate. I demand a trial by combat!

- Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 6: The Laws of Gods and Men

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite shows...

 

[VF21]

"Good morning. Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Mankind - that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences any more. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist and should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on, we're going to survive.' Today we celebrate our independence day!"

President Thomas Whitmore
July 4th, 1996

(From Independence Day)

 

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

Let's try this again:

"So we're not home and dry," he said.

"We could not even be said," replied Ford, "to be home and vigorously toweling ourselves off."

-- Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect, Life, the Universe and Everything

 

[Gary]

Not sure why, but I always say "There's a lemon behind that rock!". It's from the Simpsons.

I also say "consarnit" also from the Simpsons.

I pretty much know every quote from that show ever.

 

[AleksandarN]

My favourite show and probably my favourite quote

 

[Warhawk]

A couple from Conan the Barbarian (1982):

Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.


King Osric: There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child.

 

[Prophetess]

X-files movie: I'm the key figure in an ongoing government charade, the plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy, actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet, so, of course, no one believes me. I'm an annoyance to my superiors, a joke to my peers. They call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder, whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and who now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun, shouting to the heavens or to anyone who will listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling and when it hits it's gonna be the sh**-storm of all time.

 

[pdxKingsFan]

"I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife."

 

[Warhawk]

A couple from Avengers, which I finally got time to sit down and rewatch this weekend.

Steve Rogers: I wanna know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here.
Bruce Banner: I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.
Thor: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother!
Natasha Romanoff: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He's adopted.

Steve Rogers: Stark? We got him.
Tony Stark: Banner...?
Steve Rogers: Just like you said.
Tony Stark: Then tell him to suit up... I'm bringing the party to you.
[Stark in his Iron Man armor leads the monstrous Leviathan into view, heading toward the rest of the Avengers]
Natasha Romanoff: I - I don't see how that's a party.

 

[jalfa]

basically all this (warning, some NSFW content): http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0193548/quotes

some examples:

Malory Archer: Have I made myself clear?
Sterling Archer: You're looking for the answer 'yes'?
Malory Archer: Yes!
Sterling Archer: Then... yes.

Sterling Archer: The two things we don't allow in here. What are they?
Woodhouse: Dogs and your mother.
Sterling Archer: That's a very short list, isn't it?
Woodhouse: Yes, but you were quite insistent an exception be made.
Sterling Archer: I'm always insistent, Woodhouse.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Sterling Archer: But I'm not to be trusted, am I?
Woodhouse: No, sir. But
Sterling Archer: Stop. Shut up. I have to go, but if I find one single dog hair when I get back I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, sir.
Sterling Archer: I also need you to go buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Sterling Archer: I don't know if they grate it but... coarse.

Sterling Archer: Oh, my god! You killed a hooker!
Cyril Figgis: Call girl!
Sterling Archer: No, Cyril!
Cyril Figgis: She was a call...
Sterling Archer: When they're dead, they're just hookers. God, i said the cap on the poison pen slips off for no reason, didn't I?
Cyril Figgis: But i just assumed that if anything bad happened...
Sterling Archer: No, do not say the chekhov gun, Cyril. That, sir, is a facile argument.
Woodhouse: And also woefully esoteric.
Sterling Archer: Woodhouse...
Woodhouse: Fetching a rig, sir.
Sterling Archer: Now he's fetching a rug. Happy, Cyril?
Cyril Figgis: No! No, I'm not happy!
Sterling Archer: Well, guess what? Me neither! I mean, big picture, I wouldn't say I'm a happy person.
Woodhouse: Sir, I have fetched the rug.
Sterling Archer: Plus, now I'm out of a rug.

Malory Archer: Cyril, go do whatever it is you do...
Sterling Archer: Like suck at stuff.
Malory Archer: ...and leave this to people who are more qualified.
Sterling Archer: And not sucking at stuff.

 

[Mr. S£im Citrus]

"You bet your sweet ass I saw Lawnmower Man!"
-- Elroy Patashnik, Community E602 "Lawnmower Maintenance and Postnatal Care"