Island of Pain and Misery Draft --- draft completed
- Thread starter SLAB
- Start date
Err, I'm about to go to bed any minute now, it's half past midnight where I'm at and I've got a seminar that I have to get up for soon. At this point, I would normally give the commissioner my pick. However, said commissioner is picking directly in front of me and there's the possibility that he'd want to pick the same thing I want. What shall I do?
Sorry guys, I didnt realize I was going to be up again so quickly .. For whatever reason I thought the draft order would start at the top again, anyways with my second pick I select the one, the only, Gilbert Gottfried ( would show a super annoying looking picture of this man, but I do not know how)
Some people may think he is funny, so I might lose some 'points' for this pick, but I dont care. On my island of Misery, I cant think of a more horrible way to spend the rest of my life then with this man.
Some people may think he is funny, so I might lose some 'points' for this pick, but I dont care. On my island of Misery, I cant think of a more horrible way to spend the rest of my life then with this man.
My pick...
A harmless bread bowl is it?
Nope.
I'll tell you it's a fine Italian cheese.
...Okay, who doesn't like cheese?
How about I tell you it is riddled with thousands of live maggots, and is illegal and can only be acquired via the Black Market in the only place that actually eats it?
Gulp...What have I gotten my stomach into...
Yes, this 'delicacy' is Casu Marzu, also known as Italian Maggot Cheese.
You did indeed read that right. The only food on my island is riddled with the live squirming maggots of the Cheese Skipper fly. Tons of the 8mm larva squirm and bury their way into this cheese.
They look like this...
They have a chemical that helps break down this cheeses fat content, causing it to have a gooey pasty texture. When you push down on it, the cheese lets forth a stream of liquid, which in Italy they call lagrima, or 'Tears.'
Said maggots also have the ability to launch themselves 6 inches, so it is recommended you shield your eyes to protect them from flying maggots.
I know what you're all thinking now.
"Hey SLAB, why not just wait until the maggots die before you eat the cheese?"
To which I respond, "That is a novel concept. But once the maggots die...The cheese is now to toxic for human consumption."
So, me and Kobe just ate our first block of Casu Marzu, and it also turns out these maggots are quite resistive to stomach acid, and have powerful mouthhooks.
Our new parasitic buddies will now try to bore through our stomachs and intestines causing sometimes sever lesions and a plethora of other side-effects until they are..."Passed"
Bon Apatite.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu
A harmless bread bowl is it?
Nope.
I'll tell you it's a fine Italian cheese.
...Okay, who doesn't like cheese?
How about I tell you it is riddled with thousands of live maggots, and is illegal and can only be acquired via the Black Market in the only place that actually eats it?
Gulp...What have I gotten my stomach into...
Yes, this 'delicacy' is Casu Marzu, also known as Italian Maggot Cheese.
You did indeed read that right. The only food on my island is riddled with the live squirming maggots of the Cheese Skipper fly. Tons of the 8mm larva squirm and bury their way into this cheese.
They look like this...
They have a chemical that helps break down this cheeses fat content, causing it to have a gooey pasty texture. When you push down on it, the cheese lets forth a stream of liquid, which in Italy they call lagrima, or 'Tears.'
Said maggots also have the ability to launch themselves 6 inches, so it is recommended you shield your eyes to protect them from flying maggots.
I know what you're all thinking now.
"Hey SLAB, why not just wait until the maggots die before you eat the cheese?"
To which I respond, "That is a novel concept. But once the maggots die...The cheese is now to toxic for human consumption."
So, me and Kobe just ate our first block of Casu Marzu, and it also turns out these maggots are quite resistive to stomach acid, and have powerful mouthhooks.
Our new parasitic buddies will now try to bore through our stomachs and intestines causing sometimes sever lesions and a plethora of other side-effects until they are..."Passed"
Bon Apatite.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu
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jalfa's pick is Crohn's Disease
Japanese Giant Hornet
I have relatively few true phobias, but I do not like stinging insects and will go out of my way to either avoid them or squash them as appropriate -- we don't cohabitate. And so while I am bleary eyed from my eternal toothache, I am also going to have to deal with my island being infested by these, the world's largest hornet species and the absolute top predator in their phylum -- nothign eats a giant hornet, and they prey on anything and everything. Not only are they huge, but they are deadly as well, killing 20-40 people a year in Japan with their incredibly painful stings (which contain a lovely combination of acids, neurotoxins, enzymes to dissolve flesh, and pain enhancers and have been described as feeling like a hot nail being driven into your flesh). Better yet, when they sting you they also release a pheremone which basically causes every hornet in the area to become enraged and attack the target. Oh, and did I mention that they can fly at up to 25 miles per hour when in pursuit. Yeah, my island is going to be a lot of fun.
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With my island free of any kind of shelter as it is completely covered in asphalt, I select, I almost hate to say it: Thousands of obese elderly nudists
I would post a picture, but just the sight of them, playing shuffleboard, trying tai-chi, frolicing or whatever on my hot asphalt island is just too terrifying and disturbing.
I would post a picture, but just the sight of them, playing shuffleboard, trying tai-chi, frolicing or whatever on my hot asphalt island is just too terrifying and disturbing.
Thanks to VF21 for picking, on to the write-up:
Alright, the second pick. Well, after having already made eating a not so pleasent experience with my first pick, I thought, why not make it even worse. So, my second pick is Crohn's Disease
Another warning: This picture includes some beautiful intestines -with ulcers-, not at all for the squeamish.
As you can tell from the wikipedia page, Crohn's Disease is an inflammatory bowel disease with lots and lots of lovely and, above all, painful symptons. It is incurable and the only thing you can do about it is try to treat the symptons. This is usually done by using cortison to control the inflammations, which ultimately leads to osteoporosis.
To give you an idea what this disease means: A friend of mine, more specifically a friend of my mother's, whom I know since I was born, suffers from it. He has been since his twenties and he's now in his fifties. He is on medication constantly and he still has phases in his life, when the pain is unbearable. Just recently, he has had it spread in his intestines like wildfire, whilst at the same time complaining about back problems. Turns out, these back problems were four of his vertebrae breaking, because of osteoporosis that was a result from the cortisone he had to take, to control the disease.
So basically, it means constant pain, including some bouts of it that are pretty much completely unbearable without painkillers (good luck finding those on the island) and even the little medication there is to treat it has negative side effects that scare the hell out of me. Oh, and yeah, most likely you won't die from it, at least not for a very long time.
Alright, the second pick. Well, after having already made eating a not so pleasent experience with my first pick, I thought, why not make it even worse. So, my second pick is Crohn's Disease
Another warning: This picture includes some beautiful intestines -with ulcers-, not at all for the squeamish.
As you can tell from the wikipedia page, Crohn's Disease is an inflammatory bowel disease with lots and lots of lovely and, above all, painful symptons. It is incurable and the only thing you can do about it is try to treat the symptons. This is usually done by using cortison to control the inflammations, which ultimately leads to osteoporosis.
To give you an idea what this disease means: A friend of mine, more specifically a friend of my mother's, whom I know since I was born, suffers from it. He has been since his twenties and he's now in his fifties. He is on medication constantly and he still has phases in his life, when the pain is unbearable. Just recently, he has had it spread in his intestines like wildfire, whilst at the same time complaining about back problems. Turns out, these back problems were four of his vertebrae breaking, because of osteoporosis that was a result from the cortisone he had to take, to control the disease.
So basically, it means constant pain, including some bouts of it that are pretty much completely unbearable without painkillers (good luck finding those on the island) and even the little medication there is to treat it has negative side effects that scare the hell out of me. Oh, and yeah, most likely you won't die from it, at least not for a very long time.