Bricklayer
Don't Make Me Use The Bat
Well this should be exciting.
Otay...with them coming fast and furious now, I have decided trying to group the lovely ladies by theme is just slowing me down, so I am just going to simplify with a Pretty Girls: Just Girls (and as it turns out Guys...and of course Goats) theme.
Some nifty new records BTW: 4th worst loss in Sacto era history (surpassing even our awesome Boston effort back in December! Woot!); worst loss in NBA this season; largest margin of victory in history of the Suns' arena (been there 16 years, so figure 1300 games or so). Also worth noting: was the sixth time this season we've lost by 30 or more. 12th time we've lost by 20 or more. And that's 12 straight opponents we've allowed to score 100+. (pillaged the Bee's stats department for those lovely figures), during which time opposing teams have averaged a cool 120 pts a game. 120. So, we're off:
Salmons ( C ) -- I assume JRich was his man in the early going, and I say assume because whoever was supposed to be guarding Richardson wasn't within 50 feet on a single play in the first quarter. Normally that would indicate it was Kevin, but since Grant Hill was busy lighting our OG up, guess JRich was Salmons' man. If you ever wanted to know what an NBA player's field goal percentage would look like if he was not guarded, check out JRich's 10-12 evening, much of it just by beating our lazy asses down the floor again and again on the break. Yet it must be said that John was pretty much the only guy playing after a while, and in the late second quarter took it at Hill in what may have been all that kept the Suns from being up 40 at half (they were up a mere 30). Had 17 points at half, but then got the memo about how gauche it is to break a sweat in these things, and did nothing after the break, even when Natt again still had him out there to pad his stats with us down 50. Was a significant part of our comically inept turnover performance with 5. Couldn't pass, couldn't dribble, otherwise it was nifty.
Rebecca Gayheart -- former Noxema beauty and spotty actress. Just don't let her drive the kids to school, she has shown a tendency to treat children like bowling pins once you put her behind the wheel (got up on a vehicular manslaughter charge in '01 for running over a 9 yr old).
Thompson ( C ) -- not as solid as the numbers (12pts 8rebs) might indicate, as it was 8 and 4 while the game was still under 40, and Jason got his butt kicked in there along with the rest of our frontline against the Suns rotation players. Drew the early Shaq assignment, got overpowered once, but was not horrible before moving over to try Amare. That went less well. Turned it over with some ragged play, and Amare began to power through him. Suns broke up most of his dunk attempts, and the pummeling inside the other way was epic. Amare and Shaq just punded us, with a little help from their friends (like all of them). Let's put it this way...remember Louis Admundson? Our little Las Veags training camp scrub from a couple of years back? Well, if you had just watched this game as your first NBA game you might have walked away more impressed by him than any of the Kings current bigs. Got into huge foul trouble again, and only lasted 26 minutes before fouling out. Padded those stats up in the forever garbagetime until the foulout on the likes of Raul Lopez and Jared Dudley.
Belen Rodriguez -- this one was a special request/suggestion, and why not on this sort of night huh? Spanish language futbol (soccer) announcer as I understand it. Lovely lady, although as a general rule when you're the sort of girl who's boyfriend (some soccer player) fails a steroid test because of a medicine you are taking to control your STDs, its not a great hotness enhancer.
Hawes ( D+ ) -- defense on Shaq looked decent to start as he was at least impediing him for a few minutes, but Diesel began to chug and Spencer wasn't able to do much about it. Could not get his own shot to fall and n the other end it became a rather extraordinary dunkfest inside again. Spencer was credited with 3 blocks, but for all the interior defense that indicated (the Suns scored 60+ pts n the paint) we might as well just have had Miller out there. At least Spencer seemed to be competing in there and grabbed some boards but it was a good old fashined whipping. In long garbagetime minutes (Spencer went almost the whole way in this debacle) for whatever reason our 7'0" center had all kinds of problems against Jared Dudley, who is a SF, getting the ball repeatedly slapped and stripped away, unable to finish over him, and at several points passing up seemingly obvious post opportunities against him because he had no comfort zone.
Ali Zafar -- see? Its Pakistani crooner Ali Zafar, Asia's 4th sexiest man according to some publication. Because I keep track of things like that.
Martin ( F ) -- Just fugly. Competitive for about 6 minutes getting scored around by Hill easily on defense, but drawing fouls the other way. But could not get his shots to fall and just disappeared as we were blown off the court. Just started passively, hopelessly, chucking after half. Wandering on over halfcourt and randomly throwing up a desperation three every few minutes. Hit one, but this was a nothing night. Ironically was the only guy back on defense on the break several times in the third, I think basically just because he wasn't even running down on offense. And you suspect that has to be fatigue, because if there is one thing Kevin will never miss, it is a chance to shoot (the other possibility is that it was my old pick up game strategy, since you know in those games nobody is going to get back on defense, just completely abandon the offense and run back yourself every time just so somebody, anybody is there to stop the break). While the 37pt OKC outing wasn't well rounded and had its warts, you could hardly come up with a bigger whiplash game on the back to back. His guarantee a month ago that there would be no more of these embarrassments has proven to be quite hollow, and I think underscores the lack of leadership on this team. Nobody listened, and Kevin's response seems to be to just throw up his hands and quit right along with the rest of them as things spiral.
Tyrese Gibson -- and why not a back to back for the ladies? Tyrese Gibson, who as you can see could be a body double for Kevin.
Otay...with them coming fast and furious now, I have decided trying to group the lovely ladies by theme is just slowing me down, so I am just going to simplify with a Pretty Girls: Just Girls (and as it turns out Guys...and of course Goats) theme.
Some nifty new records BTW: 4th worst loss in Sacto era history (surpassing even our awesome Boston effort back in December! Woot!); worst loss in NBA this season; largest margin of victory in history of the Suns' arena (been there 16 years, so figure 1300 games or so). Also worth noting: was the sixth time this season we've lost by 30 or more. 12th time we've lost by 20 or more. And that's 12 straight opponents we've allowed to score 100+. (pillaged the Bee's stats department for those lovely figures), during which time opposing teams have averaged a cool 120 pts a game. 120. So, we're off:
Salmons ( C ) -- I assume JRich was his man in the early going, and I say assume because whoever was supposed to be guarding Richardson wasn't within 50 feet on a single play in the first quarter. Normally that would indicate it was Kevin, but since Grant Hill was busy lighting our OG up, guess JRich was Salmons' man. If you ever wanted to know what an NBA player's field goal percentage would look like if he was not guarded, check out JRich's 10-12 evening, much of it just by beating our lazy asses down the floor again and again on the break. Yet it must be said that John was pretty much the only guy playing after a while, and in the late second quarter took it at Hill in what may have been all that kept the Suns from being up 40 at half (they were up a mere 30). Had 17 points at half, but then got the memo about how gauche it is to break a sweat in these things, and did nothing after the break, even when Natt again still had him out there to pad his stats with us down 50. Was a significant part of our comically inept turnover performance with 5. Couldn't pass, couldn't dribble, otherwise it was nifty.
Rebecca Gayheart -- former Noxema beauty and spotty actress. Just don't let her drive the kids to school, she has shown a tendency to treat children like bowling pins once you put her behind the wheel (got up on a vehicular manslaughter charge in '01 for running over a 9 yr old).
Thompson ( C ) -- not as solid as the numbers (12pts 8rebs) might indicate, as it was 8 and 4 while the game was still under 40, and Jason got his butt kicked in there along with the rest of our frontline against the Suns rotation players. Drew the early Shaq assignment, got overpowered once, but was not horrible before moving over to try Amare. That went less well. Turned it over with some ragged play, and Amare began to power through him. Suns broke up most of his dunk attempts, and the pummeling inside the other way was epic. Amare and Shaq just punded us, with a little help from their friends (like all of them). Let's put it this way...remember Louis Admundson? Our little Las Veags training camp scrub from a couple of years back? Well, if you had just watched this game as your first NBA game you might have walked away more impressed by him than any of the Kings current bigs. Got into huge foul trouble again, and only lasted 26 minutes before fouling out. Padded those stats up in the forever garbagetime until the foulout on the likes of Raul Lopez and Jared Dudley.
Belen Rodriguez -- this one was a special request/suggestion, and why not on this sort of night huh? Spanish language futbol (soccer) announcer as I understand it. Lovely lady, although as a general rule when you're the sort of girl who's boyfriend (some soccer player) fails a steroid test because of a medicine you are taking to control your STDs, its not a great hotness enhancer.
Hawes ( D+ ) -- defense on Shaq looked decent to start as he was at least impediing him for a few minutes, but Diesel began to chug and Spencer wasn't able to do much about it. Could not get his own shot to fall and n the other end it became a rather extraordinary dunkfest inside again. Spencer was credited with 3 blocks, but for all the interior defense that indicated (the Suns scored 60+ pts n the paint) we might as well just have had Miller out there. At least Spencer seemed to be competing in there and grabbed some boards but it was a good old fashined whipping. In long garbagetime minutes (Spencer went almost the whole way in this debacle) for whatever reason our 7'0" center had all kinds of problems against Jared Dudley, who is a SF, getting the ball repeatedly slapped and stripped away, unable to finish over him, and at several points passing up seemingly obvious post opportunities against him because he had no comfort zone.
Ali Zafar -- see? Its Pakistani crooner Ali Zafar, Asia's 4th sexiest man according to some publication. Because I keep track of things like that.
Martin ( F ) -- Just fugly. Competitive for about 6 minutes getting scored around by Hill easily on defense, but drawing fouls the other way. But could not get his shots to fall and just disappeared as we were blown off the court. Just started passively, hopelessly, chucking after half. Wandering on over halfcourt and randomly throwing up a desperation three every few minutes. Hit one, but this was a nothing night. Ironically was the only guy back on defense on the break several times in the third, I think basically just because he wasn't even running down on offense. And you suspect that has to be fatigue, because if there is one thing Kevin will never miss, it is a chance to shoot (the other possibility is that it was my old pick up game strategy, since you know in those games nobody is going to get back on defense, just completely abandon the offense and run back yourself every time just so somebody, anybody is there to stop the break). While the 37pt OKC outing wasn't well rounded and had its warts, you could hardly come up with a bigger whiplash game on the back to back. His guarantee a month ago that there would be no more of these embarrassments has proven to be quite hollow, and I think underscores the lack of leadership on this team. Nobody listened, and Kevin's response seems to be to just throw up his hands and quit right along with the rest of them as things spiral.
Tyrese Gibson -- and why not a back to back for the ladies? Tyrese Gibson, who as you can see could be a body double for Kevin.
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