Grades v. Mavs 02/10

So who was it who best us this fine time out?

  • Dirk Nowitzki

    Votes: 3 7.7%

  • Josh Howard

    Votes: 2 5.1%

  • Erick Dampier

    Votes: 8 20.5%

  • Jason Kidd

    Votes: 1 2.6%

  • as usual we beat ourselves

    Votes: 25 64.1%
  • Total voters
    39
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Bricklayer

Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
#1
#1
Otay all you remaining fan(s) of the 11-42 team (we are guaranteed of the losing record now BTW), you know what this means:

More Pretty Girls, Just Girls...and a Guy...and a Farm Animal

And ladies, win, lose, or draw tommorow night, and I think we all know what it is likely to be, tommorow I will finally spin this around and do a Pretty Boys...and a Girl...and a Farm Animal theme. Think I have finally figured out an angle that might work.

yeah, the grades will come...

Salmons ( C ) -- came out flat defensively and lit up by Howard to the tune of 16 first quarter points. Hit back a little himself, but was getting smoked, and sat for a long time therafter. Dialed in though, and made it much harder for Howard thereafter. Just lack of early focus I guess. Canned some more of those right in your face one on one jumpers right in Howard's face in the late 2nd and 3rd quarters but never any sort of significant factor.

SI's Selita Ebanks

Thompson ( D ) -- Jason don't do this to us -- back to back poor efforts from the one bright point in this mess. This time again in quick foul trouble and not a factor at all, although this time even his foul trouble helped us as he very saavily stepepd aside so our stubby superstar, Mr. Candace Parker, could gobble up 2nd quarter minutes and dominate the Mavs inside. Things got no better after half, as a combination of ineffectiveness and fouls kept him from every establishing any sort of presence while the Mavs dominated the boards behind the muscle of Erick Dampier.

Well as long as we are doing SI, russian born Irina Shayk.

Hawes ( D ) -- aggressive with the offense early against both Dirk and Dampier, but not effective on the glass or on defense and was soon on the bench. Completely dominated on the glass by big Dampier as this one went along, and in the third quarter it reached the point of rout. And gee, hmm...woudn't it be nice to have a 7'3" 263lb guy to throw out there in response to these nightly problems? ;) Got many minutes in the garbagetime, because who else was going to do it, but did little with them. Let's be hoinest here -- tonight our young bigs, kind of the one thing to look forward to on this squad, pretty much stunk up the joint.

Since I have, er, tapped, all the other Firefly babes previously, did not want Gina Torres to feel left out. And Gina also appeared in the TV show Weeds with...
 
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Bricklayer

Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
#2
#2
Martin ( C- ) -- well this was an interesting one. Kevin had a decent first half offensively, drawing a lot of fouls in the early going and canning two threes as well. But the offense...I am tired of talking about Kevin's offense. He scores, we lose. He doesn't score, we lose. But there was an exciting first half development in that Kevin, perhaps finally hearing all the whispers, actually consented to make an effort on defense. You can never be that sure when he is guarding his own man, because he's just inconsistent defensively even when trying, but up top he was very active running around and harassing the Mavs bigs whenever they got the ball. Came up with 3 first half steals (season average 1.0 a game), and made the Mavs uncomfortable up there by sneaking up from behind time and again and jumping passing lanes. If he had just had the good sense to get hurt at half or some such this would even have been a good grade just for actually making an effort. But as things went south in the third, Kevin led the downward spiral, getting more and more focused on flopping to the line, causing the refs to get more and more reluctant to call it, causing Kevin to get more and more ridiculous in his flails and dives and jumps into people as he got more and more frustrated, until he was just throwing up wild junk while he flopped and contorted and anything else he could think of, apparently entirely forgetting the overarching purpose of the game in the process. That 4-15 in this case is almost entirely his fault. He plays basketball rather than faliling about looking for calls, he may have shot .500. As it was, it got real ugly and eroded much of the good will the bonafide defensive effort in the first half hasd built up. Much, but not all, and I held this grade up a bit just to reflect the importance of Kevin making an effort on both sides of the ball, no matter how ugly the offense got after a while.

Brooke Langton, who's babiest role was playing an ultimate male fantasy in the movie The Replacements -- a very appealing (ok she was pretty smart which intimidates dimmer men, but otherwise...) head cheerleader by day, bar owner by night (free beer!), who talks football like one of the guys and is willing to hire strippers to fill out her cheerleading squad. And in that movie she starred with...

Udrih ( C+ ) -- you know, this one started off pretty well, and in fact even when things started to turn, it still looked good in spurts. Got off to the aggressive start perhaps showing off to a team that is rumored to have shown interest in him as a potential employee. Got into the lane easily against indifferent early defense by the Mavs, setting people up and pulling up for little jumpers rather than overpenetrating and turning it over. Along with Kevin was again more active on defense than usual, at least for a while, not only scooping up steals, but also even occasionally impeding guys trying to drive to the hoop. But the shots stopped falling after half, JKidd was getting wherever he wanted, and what had started out as a solid B-ish type performance ended up as something less. Still respectable though, and coming off the big game perhaps more confident ahn we have often seen Beno this season.

the slightly strange, perhaps slightly dreamy (not for me to say) Keanu Reeves, whom (true story) a friend of mine once turned down for a date and is still kicking herself over, and who starred in the movie Speed along with...

Cisco ( B- ) -- came in off the bench wanting to compete, but it was one of those times when he was playing too fast, too dumb, picked up fouls, TOs, quickshot, mysteriously left Josh Howard wide open on the break, etc. Did little until it was too late, contributing several hoops to Bjax's little garbagetime make it look good mini-push to get back into it after being down 19 heading into the 4th.

Sandra Bullock, who (another true story) was such a dead ringer (facially) for my girlfriend at the time that While You Were Sleeping came out that she was sometimes approached when we were out (which alas I found much funnier than she did). And in that movie Sandy B. pined over a man who spent most of it counting...

Williams ( A- ) -- Ghetto superstar, that is what you are... Screw trading for Amare, we've got our own Answer right here, and if that 165lb twigman who used to own that nickname has a problem with us taking it, tell him that he can take it up with Mr...no scrap that, with Sir Sheldon to his face. Meanwhile Sir Sheldon is busy...kicking *** and taking names baby. Played a fairly ridiculous 2nd quarter, starting out outplaying Dirk in the early part of the period when Dirk for whatever reason decided to play right into Sheldon's strength by repeatedly trying to post him, and then outmuscled and outhustled Dirk on the other end as well. Then after returning late in the quarter with Jason back in foul trouble, Sheldon showed no fear and repeatedly attacked Dampier by getting right into the big guy's body and going muscle on muscle pinning him under the hoops while Sheldon finished. Did make some sloppy turnovers, but really our dominant player of the 2nd quarter, and led us in first half scoring wiht 14 - think his best game since showing up in Sacramento. Made a little contribution after retunring in the late 3rd with us failing, but not enough to matter, and then racked up some fairly empty garbagetime minutes, but even a superstar can only give so much, you know?

Baaaaaa!
 
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Bricklayer

Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
#3
#3
Jackson ( B ) -- looked like he wanted to be aggressive in his first half stint, but accomplished little. Scrapped again and tried to push it at the end of the third, but still nothing much happening. And then made this grade difficult as he led the completely unnessessary faux hustle charge in the early 4th after we were down 19. I was the only one still watching at that point, and you are not going to prove much to me with that stuff. Pushed it back down to 14, which did nothing except threaten to cheat us of Pretty Girls until the Mavs restored order and got it back out to our more customary 20pt deficit. Kept on scrapping and firing though, and as has beocme something of a pattern poured in a bunch of points in the final three minutes to make the margin 18 rather than 25. So the question is what do you do with that? He's competing, which is good, its Bobby after all. He is scrapping and never giving up and all that stuff we say we want...but he is also doing it in garabetime, and how much different is Bobby padding his stats in garbagetime from Douby padding them in garbagetime? At least for the purposes of these grades, which are primarily about how much a guy is helping you win, the answer would be not much. So thanks for the hustle and heart, but until/unless the points and push can come while the game is still in doubt I can't go much higher than B for this sort of thing I think. Also, where the hell was Bobby Brown?

Alicia Witt

Greene ( INC ) -- in at the 6 minute mark with us down 25, badly clanked a three again, but then started aggressively driving and drew several blocking charges to get to the line. Of course did not convert once he got there but... sigh.

Neve Campbell

Douby ( INC ) -- after being quiet while Bobby worked his garbagetime magic, Douby stepped up to play a key role in the final 30 seconds, being the player to hit our final shot to give us 100pts -- a very important milestone in my mother's mind because it makes the loss "look better" than if they have triple figures and you only have double figures.

Janine Turner



Killer carnivorous zombie sheep from the not as funny as it should have been Kiwi camp film, Black Sheep.
 
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E

Eclipse

G-League
#6
#6
A little warning - I tended to rant a little below. But I feel, oh, so much better now. :)

First, someone must've told Jason the past few games to set high screens for the guards/small fowards. That's ok in theory, but bad when you have guards/small fowards = black holes. Jason/Hawes sets a high pick and then Salmons/Garcia/Martin dribbles a few more times then shoots. If they weren't so selfish, Jason/Hawes would have time to recover and get back closer to the basket, but ends up stranded far away from the basket. Or when Salmons/Garcia puts their heads and dribbles in one spot, this is a cue for Jason/Hawes to clear out of the paint to the opposite side of the court, giving them smaller chances of getting rebounds.

Second, there were countless times where Jason/Hawes would be wide open under the basket with their hands in the "ready" position (to catch a pass - hah) and Salmons/Garcia would just ignore them and throw up some garbage with three Mavericks draped around the them.

A little clue of selfish play - Salmons running down the court on defense and the Mavericks made an errant pass that whizzed by him and he didn't even know because he was only focused on his own man.

I don't know if this is the coach's fault, the players' fault, or a weird combination of both on the extremely selfish play. This is just ugly basketball with an ironic twist of Webber's jersey retirement a few days ago that celebrated brilliant team play. Apparently this provided zero inspiration for the veterans to change their selfish ways.
 
GoGoGadget

GoGoGadget

All-Star
#8
#8
I had that picture of Keanu on the front cover of my binder in high school. Junior year, I think. I used to lurve him.

I feel your friend's pain. I'd kick her, too.
 
GoGoGadget

GoGoGadget

All-Star
#13
#13
Gina Torres is really beautiful, but after her several episode guest spot on "Angel," I can't help but think of her as ol' maggot face.

Good times.
 
VF21

VF21

Super Moderator Emeritus
SME
#14
#14
Keanu Reeves? Wow, that's excellent...

:rolleyes:

Here's some suggestions:

Johnny Depp - Capt. Jack Sparrow
Jason Statham - anything
Johnny Depp - Capt. Jack Sparrow
Viggo Mortensen - Ranger
Johnny Depp - Capt. Jack Sparrow

...

You're welcome.

;)
 
Rockmeister

Rockmeister

All-Star
#15
#15
VF21 said:
Keanu Reeves? Wow, that's excellent...

:rolleyes:

Here's some suggestions:

Johnny Depp - Capt. Jack Sparrow
Jason Statham - anything
Johnny Depp - Capt. Jack Sparrow
Viggo Mortensen - Ranger
Johnny Depp - Capt. Jack Sparrow

...

You're welcome.

;)
Click to expand...
What's wrong with Keanu? I like him.
 
VF21

VF21

Super Moderator Emeritus
SME
#17
#17
Rockmeister said:
What's wrong with Keanu? I like him.
Click to expand...
It's not a matter of what's wrong with Keanu. I'm sure there are lots of people who like him. Unfortunately, in my mind he will always be one of the leads of "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"...

I think people should give Bricklayer suggestions for his future attempts to bring a smile to the faces of the female contingency of the board. I made my suggestions. Feel free to add your own.

If we don't he's liable to resort to the beefcake picture of Peja - or Beno - again and I just don't think that's gonna make anyone smile. ;)
 
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