Crime of the Day - Keep it light-hearted


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Deadliest Catch greenhorn Joshua Tel Warner arrested for 3 bank robberies

The Register-Guard reports that police in East Peoria arrested 23-year-old Joshua Tel Warner Wednesday night on a traffic stop, while he was a passenger in a car. It was a routine stop, Sgt. Brian Despines said, and when the officer entered Warner’s information into a computer, the Lane County arrest warrant appeared and he was taken into custody.

According to Oregon Live, Detective Jeff Donaca, who is investigating the case, said the suspect tripped up by slipping into the limelight on the popular show, aired on the Discovery Channel.

“What an incredibly stupid thing to do, to commit a bank robbery, then go on a national TV show and make a spectacle of yourself and then come home and commit two more bank robberies,” Donaca said. “He should be on the ‘Dumbest Criminal’ show.”

"He told somebody, 'Now that I've been on national TV, something from my past may come back to get me,'" Donaca said.

With that tip, the detective dug into unsolved bank robberies in Eugene and found video indicating the same man robbed Washington Mutual in 2007.

He was held on $30,000 bail in the Tazewell County Jail

The warrant charges him with one bank robbery in 2007 and two in 2009.

Criminals can run, but they can't hide. Especially if they play World of Warcraft.
Just ask Alfred Hightower. Having successfully left the country to avoid being nabbed for dealing drugs, the fugitive figured he was home free. But thanks to his insistence on keeping up with his World of Warcraft habit, Hightower was tracked down by authorities and is now in custody, reports The Kokomo Perspective.

We tell my brother it's called Warcrack for a reason ;)


The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Stupid Criminal Wraps CES

As the North American President of Swann Security Keith Oldridge so properly puts, "What kind of stupid criminal comes to an electronic show and tries to steal from a security company?!"

Well the answer can easily be found on the Swann cameras. It seems it all began when a Swann employee noticed one of their binders full of business cards and leads was missing from the front table of the booth in the Central Hall at the Consumer Electronic Show. At first it was thought someone might be holding it with a client, but quickly it became apparent that the book, potentially worth hundreds of thousands in business, had gone missing and it wasn't due to someone setting it in the wrong spot.

Like any company at CES, Swann had a full set-up of their wares, which in this case turned out to be clear and impeccable security. Employees quickly rewound the DVR which had the cameras monitoring the front table...and voila'! A middle aged Asian man approaches the counter wearing a blue blazer and slacks. He picks up the large binder and flips through as employees are inundated with customers (CES does that to booths) and just when all eyes are on potential sales, he turns and walks in hand.

Swann's cameras capture a clear and colorful picture of the suspect. They pause the pic on the 42" monitor at the front of their display and the hunt for the culprit was on amongst the thousands packing into the CES main and massive hall. Remarkably, the man would be tracked down and quickly deny any involvement. Unfortunately for him, the binder wasn't so small and could easily be seen sticking out of his free cloth bag. Oh...and then there is the thing about those cameras. Yeah, the ones mounted all around the Swann booth in very obvious places. I guess he thought they were for show. In any case, the binder is back, his badge pulled and the crowd at the booth cheered as the men returned with their 'North American Leads Book' in hand.
Stranger slaps crying child in Walmart
According to the arresting officer, the child's mother said her daughter was crying as they walked down one of the aisles.

The mother said a stranger later identified as Stephens approached them and said, "If you don't shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you."

A few moments later, while the mother and the crying child were in another aisle, Stephens allegedly grabbed the girl and slapped her across the face.

Police said he hit her four or five times. "See, I told you I would shut her up," the suspect allegedly told the mother.
Had that happened to my daughter, it would have been me getting arrested. My daughter is well-behaved for the most part, and aside from a couple of times, doesn't act out in public. Wouldn't have been screaming inside a store, maybe crying, but not loud enough to upset anyone else. And I've seen kids throwing an all-out fit in the store, and wanted to slap them. But you don't put your hands on someone else's child, especially if you don't know them.
Man sentenced to year in jail for slapping stranger's child at Walmart
Alleged burglar showers, cuts hair, fries chicken

Tue Jan 19, 9:11 pm ET

EASTON, Pa. – An eastern Pennsylvania man was charged after he allegedly broke into a home, cut his hair and prepared fried chicken before being discovered. The man was charged with breaking into the home in Easton, about 50 miles north of Philadelphia. According to court documents, the homeowner returned home Sunday to discover him watching TV and cooking chicken.

Authorities said the man threw a rock through a front door window to get inside and appeared to have rummaged through every room in the house.

He also took a shower.

The man faces burglary, criminal trespass and other charges and was being held on $15,000 bail.
Alleged car thief found playing 'Grand Theft Auto'

The Associated Press
ORLANDO, Fla. — Sheriff's deputies in central Florida found a suspected car thief playing the "Grand Theft Auto" video game, and they later charged him with just that.

Polk County deputies investigating the theft of a 1998 Dodge Durango arrested 30-year-old Michael Ray Ekes on Thursday. They found the SUV outside a Haines City home. Ekes was inside in the house, playing the popular video game.

Ekes was charged with grand theft auto, burglary and drug possession. At the time of his arrest, he was out of jail on bond for another grand theft auto charge.

According to Polk County jail records, Ekes remained in custody Friday. Bond had not been set and no attorney was listed.


The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Ohio Man Arrested on Charges of Urinating on $600-Worth of Steaks,0,5343411.story

CANTON, Ohio -- A Canton man remains in jail after being arrested for urinating on a meat counter at a Wal-Mart store.

According to Lt. Linda Brown of the Canton Police Department, Robert T. Jenkins, 21, of Canton, was arrested at 1:30 a.m. Friday morning and charges with felony vandalism and disorderly conduct.

Police say Jenkins was arrested after they responded to a call from an employee at the Wal-Mart store on Atlantic Blvd. NE, claiming a man walked up to the meat counter and began urinating on the steaks, destroying more than $600 dollars in meat.

According to Lt. Brown, it is not yet known if alcohol or drugs played a role in Brown's actions.

He is currently being held in the Stark County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.
Cops: Thieves swipe Twinkies, leave tracks in snow

The Associated Press

KINGSPORT, Tenn. — It was a Zinger of a theft in Tennessee.

It also included cupcakes, Twinkies and other snack cakes from the Merita Bread Company.

The Kingsport Times-News cites a report from the Sullivan County Sheriff's Office in reporting 34-year-old James M. Denoon and 18-year-old Anthony Stout were found hiding under a truck at the bakery late Friday night.

The deputies found about $300 worth of stolen snack cakes stacked on the ground nearby.

Finding the accused thieves was easy: The deputies only had to follow their footprints. There was more than an inch of snow on the ground by Friday night.

Denoon and Stout were charged with theft under $500 and two counts of auto burglary. It was not immediately clear if they had attorneys.


The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Teachers' lap dance 'a little too far' for students

The kids are calling it “Two Teachers, One Chair,” and it has all the makings of a YouTube hit.
But school administrators and parents are hard pressed to find humour in a graphic lap dance caught on video between two teachers at a spirit rally at Churchill High School in Winnipeg last week.
The two teachers, one of whom was identified by students as phys-ed instructor Chrystie Fitchner, have been sent home without pay after the spirit dance before 100 students as young as 13 years old. The identity of the male teacher could not be confirmed. Efforts to reach Ms. Fitchner Tuesday night were unsuccessful.
The whole routine has since been distributed on the Internet, thanks to the footage captured on a student's cellphone camera. The Winnipeg School Division is investigating.



The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Woman Charged for Squirting Breast Milk at Deputy,2933,588369,00.html?test=latestnews

A Kentucky woman was charged with assault after she allegedly squirted breast milk into the face of a deputy, sparking online debate Sunday in the local media.

Toni Tramel, 31, was arrested Thursday for public intoxication in Owensboro, WYMT-TV reported, but it is what she did next which has attracted headlines.

As Tramel changed into an inmate uniform, she squirted a stream of breast milk into the face of the female deputy watching over her.
A press release from the Daviess County, Kentucky, Detention Center, said that after the deputy decontaminated herself from the "bio-hazard", Tramel was charged with third degree assault.

While the public drunkenness was merely a misdemeanor offense, the assault is a felony charge and a US$10,000 bond was set.

Reports of the case have sparked debates about whether using breast milk as a weapon should constitute a felony assault case, with many readers likening it to an accused person spitting on an officer.

Also sparking feedback has been the use of the term "bio-hazard" to describe breast milk.


The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Police report attempt to revive flattened opossum

A Pennsylvania man attempted to resuscitate "a road-killed opossum," state police say.
But this was one possum who wasn't playing possum -- the ugly creature remained dead.
Troopers responding to the scene in Oliver Township on Thursday determined that Donald J. Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, was drunk, according to the police report.
Several witnesses observed Wolfe's failed resurrection of the flattened marsupial, police said. It was not immediately clear how he endeavored to restore the possum's life.
The arresting officer in the incident was unavailable for comment Friday. Attempts to reach Wolfe were also unsuccessful.
Wolfe will be charged with one charge of public drunkenness, police said.
Bank robbery suspect calls ahead with demand for cash

Bank robbery suspect calls ahead with demand for cash

(CNN) -- Authorities in Connecticut say two would-be robbers tried "phoning in" to pull off a bank heist. It didn't work.
"I've heard of drive-up robberies where they rob the bank via drive-up windows," said Det. Lt. Michael Gagner of the Fairfield, Connecticut, Police Department. "But I've never had somebody call ahead and say, 'Get the money, we're coming.' "



The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Florida Man Drank While Waiting for Sobriety Test, Cops Say

BELLEVIEW, Fla. -- Authorities say a central Florida man took one last swig of alcohol while waiting to take a sobriety test.
Marion County Sheriff's deputies stopped 61-year-old Dana Seaman after noticing his car swerve three times. Seaman said he'd been drinking and agreed to a sobriety test.
But first, Deputy Eric Larson said he watched Seaman drink from a cup and toss it under the passenger seat. According to a police report, the cup smelled strongly of alcohol.
Seaman refused a breath test. He has been charged with DUI.
A message left for Seaman was not immediately returned Monday.


The cake is a lie.
Staff member
Massachusetts Policeman Resigns After Leaving Beat to See Midget Porn Star

A Massachusetts police officer resigned after leaving his beat to see a dwarf porn star called "Bridget the Midget" and lied about the visit during an investigation into the incident, local media reported Tuesday.

Officer Richard P. Bennett, 28, deserted his late-night patrol to visit a gentleman's club where adult film star Bridget "The Midget" Powers -- billed as "the world's smallest porn star" -- was performing last month.

Bennett was in uniform at the time of his visit to Club Alex's in Stoughton and was reported to authorities by at least five other officers, said Stoughton Police Chief Paul Shastany.

He then reportedly lied about the visit during an internal investigation into the incident, the Patriot Ledger reported.

"Mama told me there would be days like this," Shastany said, on confirming Bennett's resignation. "We are not red-faced. In fact, I am pretty proud [other officers] stepped up."

Bennett, who last month received a commendation for his work in a March murder case, resigned on June 30 rather than face disciplinary action, Shastany said.

A security video from a McDonald's in Ohio shows a woman punching two restaurant employees and smashing a drive-thru window because she couldn't get Chicken McNuggets.

more.....including video!
LOL, I wonder if the customer in that next car said anything or just picked up their "Happy Meal?" :p

Geez...what's the matter with people these days? Everybody seems angry about everything and nothing. Life's too short.
Brazen bank robber arrested after emailing local paper to correct heist details

A bank robber aged 19 in Wuerzburg pulled off a bank heist, managing to escape without being identified. The next morning he flipped open the paper to read of his daring exploits. Shocked to see that the press got his height, accent, and means of escape wrong he fired off a scathing missive via e-mail...