Bee: Marcos Bretón: 'Goldmember' unis? Just wrong!

Warhawk

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OK, looks like VF has Marcos behind her:

http://www.sacbee.com/content/sports/story/13702920p-14545587c.html

Some things are just wrong. New York Yankee Jason Giambi - a steroid-using tub of goo - is actually named American League Comeback Player of the Year by so-called fans?

That's wrong.

World Boxing Council and World Boxing Organization lightweight champion Diego Corrales gets knocked out Saturday for trading punches with a motivated brawler while Corrales had nothing to gain?

Wrong.

Pity from fans for Ken Macha, who was supposedly "dumped" as the A's manager when it was Macha who seriously overestimated his value?


Wrong.

The new, gold-lamé, ever-so-precious Kings uniforms that Kings players will be forced to endure 14 times this season?

Oy, Gumby. What a carnival of wrong.

Wrong for the eyes, which wince at the sight of grown men dressed dangerously similar to cocktail waitresses at Caesars Palace.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

It's just that as a marketing concept, it's the worst kind of funny, unintentionally funny, like a Madonna movie, where the star delivers serious lines that elicit sidesplitting laughter.

In this accidental comedy, the faulty script is a promotion dubbing Kings fans as the "Gold Standard," a laudable idea undermined by players dressed like "Austin Powers: Goldmember."

Remember Mike Myers as Austin Powers' nemesis in gold disco shorts and sleeveless gold disco shirt? Think Mike Bibby in the new Kings road uniforms, although Myers as "Goldmember" had a little more hair than Bibby - and roller skates. Just don't call Bibby "Mini-Me," because it's not his fault.

This all comes to us courtesy of Kings owners who once tried to present male dancers during timeouts at Arco Arena, only to have a doomed troupe in spandex hooted off the Arco Arena court after only one "performance."

Apparently, the Kings' owners have decided to cut out the middle men by having their team play real games as male dancers.

Solid Gold dancers.

Can you see the Kings' starting five in those Vegas-lounge rags? Can you see them go on a glittery 12-0 run to start a game and then strike a Bob Fosse pose before strutting to the bench, where Kings coach/choreographer Rick Adelman awaits, having traded his conservative jacket for a silk shirt open to his navel and a lit Camel hanging out of his mouth?

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Adelman will get on Bibby for his lack of defense. He'll yell at Peja Stojakovic for disappearing during critical games.

But you don't want Adelman screaming: "five, six, seven, eight!" before the Kings run a play.

You don't want him throwing a hissy fit at Kevin Martin for not "emoting" to the back row.

You don't want him menacing rookies Francisco García and Ronnie Price, saying mean stuff like "play hard or I'll make sure you never work in this town again!"

You don't want him channeling Roy Scheider in "All that Jazz," starting each game by screaming: "Showtime!"

And speaking of "Showtime," don't the Los Angeles Lakers - blood enemies of the Kings - wear gold?

Why would you want to go within 1,000 miles of that? A big majority of Kings fans responding to a Bee poll - 76 percent of 724 votes - wondered the same thing.

But, hey, the new unis passed the NBA fashion test, a process the league takes seriously. According to a league spokesman who didn't want his name used - and I can't say I blame him - the NBA insists that all new unis be shipped East so they can actually be worn and videotaped to ensure a good look on the small screen.

True story. And not to disparage how another dude makes his living, but how would you like to be that guy? The one whose job it is to wear test uniforms - a fashion food-taster - and upon whose shoulders rests the fashion future of the NBA?

One could say it's a lot of power, though not like the might wielded by those giving the green light to threads like the new Kings gold lamé, created by a private, still undisclosed designer.

Was it a Maloof relative, squeeze or business partner? A girlfriend of one of the members of Tesla? Susan Anton? Sorry. I'm lousy on dish and gossip since the beautiful people of Arco Arena don't talk to me.

Guess I'm just a Sacramento cow-towner, one who sees the word lamé and thinks it means lame.
 
The 'unis are horrible and if not Goldmember reminders then Laker reminders. OFF WITH THE GOLD!! I don't want to hear Adelmann hollering "five, six, seven, eight...." to run a play either.
 
I showed a [ic. of the jersey to my friends and got different comments like Laker wannabes but they all agreed they're ugly. Goldmember?? geez it's getting worse!
 
This is a tough one - I usually cannot stand Marcos Breton and his outlook on anything. Well, I guess this must be the million monkeys with a million typewriters working for a million years column. Even Breton has to get it right once...

;)
 
The Kings owners are uber rich, but please dont let them choose new threads. GOD these are the ugliest disco colored "unis" of all time. Frank Zappa's daughter said it best "gag me with a spoon".
 
VF21 said:
This is a tough one - I usually cannot stand Marcos Breton and his outlook on anything. Well, I guess this must be the million monkeys with a million typewriters working for a million years column. Even Breton has to get it right once...

;)

theory of the large numbers
 
This gold thing has to stop now!
It just isn't natural, not for our mighty Kings.
Notice when you visit the Kings website, the use of the color gold is there too.
It's gotta be some marketing bozo's idea of reinventing the team image blah, blah, blah.
Some things need to remain sacred, especially when it comes to the Kings team colors!
 
Hey, he stole my Solid Gold dancers thing! ;)

I'm diasppointed in myself that I didn't think of the Goldmember comparison though.

Wonder if that last line explains Breton's implaccable hostility to all things Maloof? Similar to AVs juvenile petulance towards Webb and Rick, refuse to talk to a journalist and they'll show you you big meanies!
 
GreenKing said:
If you wear these unis you will be thrown off a Southwest airplane....
I would rather the team wear Southwest Airline colored jerseys with big fat Southwest logos right in the middle...at least we'd be making money off of that, in a Nascar-ish sort of way...I dont see the team/owners making much money off this 'Gold' idea....this actually sounds more like something that Mayor Fargo would derive/design....i.e: the Tower Bridge being painted gold to represent our city(which is ugly as hell, by the way)
 
the new jerseys are fantastic!! it's the colors that are ugly and wrong(especially cause of the LA-Sacto rivalry)

Imagine those bad boys in Purple and Black and they would look pretty damn nice to me.
 
Bricklayer said:
Wonder if that last line explains Breton's implaccable hostility to all things Maloof? Similar to AVs juvenile petulance towards Webb and Rick, refuse to talk to a journalist and they'll show you you big meanies!

That last line is something I totally disagree with. This guy is a wannabe-cowtowner. As a Sacramentian, I don't want him. Wasn't he a San Jose transplant before we got him? (which to me explains his bay area attitude for all things Sacramento...)
 
Lightforms said:
That last line is something I totally disagree with. This guy is a wannabe-cowtowner. As a Sacramentian, I don't want him. Wasn't he a San Jose transplant before we got him? (which to me explains his bay area attitude for all things Sacramento...)


Oops, should've said second to last line. Apparently the Maloofs do not talk to him. Shocker.
 
FrenchCanadianKING said:
the new jerseys are fantastic!! it's the colors that are ugly and wrong(especially cause of the LA-Sacto rivalry)

Imagine those bad boys in Purple and Black and they would look pretty damn nice to me.
I actually dont think the colors look anything like LA, its the whole concept thats lousy. The solid gold, logo, all of it...even black and purple would still be fugly.
 
anyone got a couple of long gold chains I could put around my neck? Hold on, let me put on my clear platform shoes with the goldfish in them...gotta get ready to go to Club Arco and support our beloved Kings!!
 
Pretty weak on Breton's part. He didn't express his opinion until the Bee's poll showed pretty much the vast majority of fans hate the unis. No risk there at all. After running the poll and getting all the comments, why even bother with this article?
 
Why can't they bring these back???????


kings.jpg
 
Circa_1985_Fan said:
....this actually sounds more like something that Mayor Fargo would derive/design....i.e: the Tower Bridge being painted gold to represent our city(which is ugly as hell, by the way)

Ummm...the bridge or the city?? :confused:
 
Oh great now we are back to talking about the gold uniforms. cant we just leave this topic alone and focus on more important things like our teams chemistry and defensive skills. I bet every team once had a ugly jersey. Its not like they are gonna where it forever.This article totally does not mean anything to me except bring out facts that have been seen and stated over and over and over again!!!:mad:
 
MB had it right this time. I hope no-one buys those butt-ugly jerseys and they all rot on the Maloof's shelves. What were they thinking? Obviousely, greed got in the way of good common sense.
 
Kings241 said:
Its not like they are gonna where it forever.

I think you may be missing the point that the reason they wont be wearing it forever is because of articles and fan reaction.
 
Circa_1985_Fan said:
anyone got a couple of long gold chains I could put around my neck? Hold on, let me put on my clear platform shoes with the goldfish in them...gotta get ready to go to Club Arco and support our beloved Kings!!

looks like we'll need some of this to go with the jerseys ;)

IMG3537SlickRick.jpg
 
I don't normally agree with Breton, but that article is very funny.

Circa_1985_Fan said:
i.e: the Tower Bridge being painted gold to represent our city(which is ugly as hell, by the way)
Yes. Yes it is.
 
hoopsfan said:
Ummm...the bridge or the city?? :confused:

Don't think I didn't catch that, hoopsy;) Much as I like you, as a laker fan and all, you ARE free to return to LA (that 'wonderful' bastion of high desert, complete with fake boobs, HORRID traffic, plastic people and water from our 'ugly' side of the state)
You poor, poor thing, trapped here with the trees and the really cool people. Makes me shed a tear sometimes;)
 
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