I will have you know that this slot was originally supposed to go to a very fine dark thought provoking drama for which I have all the respect in the world...but as I have mentioned repeatedly, those are NOT the movies I watch repeatedly. So instead, I have decided to go in a slightly more...colorful direction:
Road House (1989) -- R
One of the all time great so bad its fun movies, as aghast as I was to discover years later that things like Tron and The Goonies had been elevated to cult status when I wasn't looking, this movie's elevation to the ranks of cult high cheese fav made me smile. It was endlessly entertaining back in the day, and has a weird sort of hypnotic quality forcing you to watch snippets of it whenever it passes by on TV. Just make sure you're not drinking anything, because you will be snorting it out of your nose.
So what makes it so brilliant? Well for starters Patrick Swayze, fresh off of Dirty Dancing, is now the world's greatest oiled down badass. You see, he's kind of a world class super-bouncer, and it turns out there is kind of a circuit of super-bouncers, complete with rankings apparently, and every bartender, bouncer, and bar owner in the country knows who the best super-bouncers are and worships them like rock stars, giggling like little girls at the mere mention of their names. Who knew huh? Anyway, Swayze is a super-bouncer supreme. And not only is he a super-bouncer, but he of course also has a philsophy degree from NYU, because of course he would, which allows him to make random stupid little faux zen statements like "pain don't hurt" as he receives surgical staples to close up his various wounds sans anasthesia. And being a super bouncer and a philosopher, there's nothing Swayze likes doing more than riding into a new crappy little town to clean up its bar, and by extension, the town as a whole. This becomes a problem when he stumbles into a town run by evil Ben Gazzarra who practical says MUHAHAHA! everytime he chews his way on screen. He's an evil mastermind who has somehow parlayed shaking down a town which appears to consist of 1 run down bar where every piece of furniture in the palce is smahed every night in a massive ar clearing brawl, 1 auto parts store, 1 used car dealership, and a single horse farm run by an old geezer into enough megamillions to plop down a 50 room mansion complete with his own helicopter and several dozen evil henchmen who run around randomly committing felonies and blowing things up. This makes Swayze mad, in a zen like fashion, and so he responds by repeatedly beating up the evil henchmen, then performing some oiled down homerotic tai chi in his speedos directly across the river from Mr. MUHAHAHA. Things go downhill from there. MUHAHAHA unleashes his greatest weapon, a flamingly gay martial arts expert in skin tight jeans who proudly announces he used to **** guys like Swayze in prison. Hot girls start taking their clothes off (yay!). Swayze starts taking his clothes off (boo!). Sam Elliot shows up to briefly class the joint up as the Obi Wan Kenobi of badass philosophical super bouncers. We get monster trucks. We get bad philosophy. We get one hell of a good striptease. MUHAHAHA gets even madder and destroys the bar, the auto parts store and the car dealership, which seems like a shaky move as it leaves the entire local shakedown economy dependent on a single old guy running a horse farm, but hey, logic is entirely out the window at this point. Finally Swayze becomes so fed up with all the nonsense that he decides the only answer is to blow up his car and go all Rambo on the remaining baddies and commit mass murder. Most importantly a good time is had by all, and whenever I tire of watching actual good movies on my island, I will always be able to whip this one out to give perspective.