Tetsujin
The Game Thread Dude
Heya fellas, Tommy Dumbbells here with another scintillatin' edition of
THE KINGS AIN'T GOT NO GUTS
It's been dang near a month since the season began and it's all been masks this and Hardens that and, fellas, let me tells ya, the Kings ain't got no guts!!1!!!!!
The kids these days out on the court in their shiny sneakers and long loopdeeloo shorts hanging all the way down past their dingdongs are just too dangdarn soft. Lemmie tells ya a story from my old playin days on the down'n'out streets of Rustyville, Ohio. Mikey and the boys were playin' a squad of hoodoos and chingalings from the other side of the tracks for pennies and rat turds when Danny Downtown (this was before the sanctity of the game was ruined with the galdarn three point line so he got this nickname from how he would get in scraps with the hoodlums and dang crackheads downtown by the bus depot) had the gall to try to score a layup on a big ol' chubby fella by the name of Donkadonk or Skubaloo or Larry or whatnot.
Anyways, Larry didn't just lay down and let ol' Danny score on him like some sorta multimillionaire chump! No! He stood there and shanked him in the kneecaps with a rusty nail he pulled off his pop's hubcap. Sure Danny spent the next five months in a wheel chair and lost half a foot on account o' the sepsis but it taught him toughness, grit, determination, and how best to cauterize a wound with the carburetor of Uncle Willie's Model T.
Speakin' o' toughness and grit, THE KINGS AIN'T GOT NO GUTS
Now let's talk about the soft Ninnyloos and Nancydees out here disgracing the name o' the sacred saint o' basketball, Gene Stump. Last night, I was watchin' the Kings game, mindin' my own dang business and thinking about the inevitable crushing darkness of death, when what do I see but a couple of these no good ninnies out there lettin' that Kyrie Leopard fella score on em faster than Danny Downtown when he let the dames at the nickel fountain sign his casts.
Do ya know what George Mikan did whenever a no-good long-haired punk like that tried to disrespect him? He'd wait out behind the gym after a game and give him a good smackin' with a tire iron! Instead, these kids were out there hooting and hollering and whooping it up like a buncha Brownies at a pet shop.
I don't wanna hear no more talk about coming out soft at halftime. All these teams these days with their patheolitic diets and screaming at strawberries make me sick. Whatever happened to the REAL NBA? These kids are too dang soft. A good well done steak, a cigar, and a nice bottle of scotch, that's all a REAL MAN needs to play a rip-roaring 24 minutes of hardfought physical warfare.
Now here's a fella who gets it! You gotta fight for it! You gotta scrap for it! You gotta gnaw off another fella's tendons for it! That's how ya win in sports! That's how ya win in life! Until these young lassylins get it, they just ain't gonna win no more.
Until next time, fellas, this has been Tommy Dumbbells and THE KINGS JUST AIN'T GOT NO GUTS!!!!
*Kingsfans.com does not endorse Tommy Dumbbells nor his views on modern masculinity. Please see a doctor if shanked in the kneecap.
THE KINGS AIN'T GOT NO GUTS
It's been dang near a month since the season began and it's all been masks this and Hardens that and, fellas, let me tells ya, the Kings ain't got no guts!!1!!!!!
The kids these days out on the court in their shiny sneakers and long loopdeeloo shorts hanging all the way down past their dingdongs are just too dangdarn soft. Lemmie tells ya a story from my old playin days on the down'n'out streets of Rustyville, Ohio. Mikey and the boys were playin' a squad of hoodoos and chingalings from the other side of the tracks for pennies and rat turds when Danny Downtown (this was before the sanctity of the game was ruined with the galdarn three point line so he got this nickname from how he would get in scraps with the hoodlums and dang crackheads downtown by the bus depot) had the gall to try to score a layup on a big ol' chubby fella by the name of Donkadonk or Skubaloo or Larry or whatnot.
Anyways, Larry didn't just lay down and let ol' Danny score on him like some sorta multimillionaire chump! No! He stood there and shanked him in the kneecaps with a rusty nail he pulled off his pop's hubcap. Sure Danny spent the next five months in a wheel chair and lost half a foot on account o' the sepsis but it taught him toughness, grit, determination, and how best to cauterize a wound with the carburetor of Uncle Willie's Model T.
Speakin' o' toughness and grit, THE KINGS AIN'T GOT NO GUTS
Now let's talk about the soft Ninnyloos and Nancydees out here disgracing the name o' the sacred saint o' basketball, Gene Stump. Last night, I was watchin' the Kings game, mindin' my own dang business and thinking about the inevitable crushing darkness of death, when what do I see but a couple of these no good ninnies out there lettin' that Kyrie Leopard fella score on em faster than Danny Downtown when he let the dames at the nickel fountain sign his casts.
Do ya know what George Mikan did whenever a no-good long-haired punk like that tried to disrespect him? He'd wait out behind the gym after a game and give him a good smackin' with a tire iron! Instead, these kids were out there hooting and hollering and whooping it up like a buncha Brownies at a pet shop.
I don't wanna hear no more talk about coming out soft at halftime. All these teams these days with their patheolitic diets and screaming at strawberries make me sick. Whatever happened to the REAL NBA? These kids are too dang soft. A good well done steak, a cigar, and a nice bottle of scotch, that's all a REAL MAN needs to play a rip-roaring 24 minutes of hardfought physical warfare.
Now here's a fella who gets it! You gotta fight for it! You gotta scrap for it! You gotta gnaw off another fella's tendons for it! That's how ya win in sports! That's how ya win in life! Until these young lassylins get it, they just ain't gonna win no more.
Until next time, fellas, this has been Tommy Dumbbells and THE KINGS JUST AIN'T GOT NO GUTS!!!!
*Kingsfans.com does not endorse Tommy Dumbbells nor his views on modern masculinity. Please see a doctor if shanked in the kneecap.
