Island of Pain and Misery Draft --- draft completed

GoGoGadget said:
Naked, obese meth freaks tweaking and doing the Macarena for eight hours?

Call me a masochist, but that sounds like one hell of a show. Grotesque, to be sure, but entertaining. And hilarious.
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It might be entertaining for a day or so... but everything after that... uck! Of course, not all of them would be on meth... meth is just readily available... thus causing more conflict amongst me and the leather-skinned tweakers.
 
Ok, so how about an:


back-pain-main_Full.jpg

Eternally Ruptured Disk Pressing Upon My Sciatic Nerve And Causing Back Spasms

I am really pretty good about pain, at least pain I consider fair. You can cut me, burn me, things can break, and as long as its out somewhere on my perimeter I take it qutie well. But I hate "unfair" pains -- the ones deep inside, in inaccessible places near your core, that you can do nothing about, that you can not work around or truly avoid or immobolize. I have an eternal toothache -- with no medicine on my island, nothing I can do -- I'm stuck. Forever. And now I have an eternally bad back as well. Spasming, shooting pangs down my leg, stiffening up. Forever. And again there is nothing I can do about it. Life will suck. And then Rush and Roseanne will show up to brighten my day. :eek:
 
I was thinking about that one also. It actually presses against your Spinal Nerves (or Lumbar + Sacral Plexuses respectively). Your sciatic nerve doesn't connect directly to the spinal cord, but passes through these plexes. Don't forget to give yourself a terrifically terrible radiculopathy too Brick :).
 
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So, now that I have the island, medical facilities and enough culinary resources, the island still lacks some structure. A government of some sort, possibly with a set of laws and an executive branch to enforce them. So, with my fifth pick, I select Big Brother.

1984-big-brother-postecenk.jpg


Alright, some words of clarification, when I say that I want to draft Big Brother, I mean that I want the entirety of the Oceanian government, but most importantly the Ministry of Truth along with the Thought Police. The most significant aspect for me is the complete annihalation of a private sphere and the impossibility of free thought. If I want to survive, and as the rules stipulate, I have to, then I better accept all the pain and misery thrown at me, or better yet, I have to love it!

The real fascination with this particular government for me is that it not only does it invade my privacy and limits any kind of freedom, along with any kind of love (absolutely forbidden by the Ministry of Love) and any kind of culture or art (likewise forbidden), which are some of my primal fears, but it also is specifically designed to make its subjects suffer. This is in fact the foremost drive behind its ideology.

You are a flaw in the pattern, Winston. You are a stain that must be wiped out. Did I not tell you just now that we are different from the persecutors of the past? We are not content with negative obedience, nor even with the most abject submission. When finally you surrender to us, it must be of your own free will. We do not destroy the heretic because he resists us: so long as he resists us we never destroy him. We convert him, we capture his inner mind, we reshape him. We burn all evil and all illusion out of him; we bring him over to our side, not in appearance, but genuinely, heart and soul. We make him one of ourselves before we kill him. It is intolerable to us that an erroneous thought should exist anywhere in the world, however secret and powerless it may be. Even in the instant of death we cannot permit any deviation. In the old days the heretic walked to the stake still a heretic, proclaiming his heresy, exulting in it. Even the victim of the Russian purges could carry rebellion locked up in his skull as he walked down the passage waiting for the bullet. But we make the brain perfect before we blow it out. The command of the old despotisms was “Thou shalt not”. The command of the totalitarians was “Thou shalt”. Our command is “THOU ART”. No one whom we bring to this place ever stands out against us.
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Do you begin to see, then, what kind of world we are creating? It is the exact opposite of the stupid hedonistic Utopias that the old reformers imagined. A world of fear and treachery and torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but MORE merciless as it refines itself. Progress in our world will be progress towards more pain. The old civilizations claimed that they were founded on love or justice. Ours is founded upon hatred. In our world there will be no emotions except fear, rage, triumph, and self-abasement. Everything else we shall destroy—everything. Already we are breaking down the habits of thought which have survived from before the Revolution. We have cut the links between child and parent, and between man and man, and between man and woman. No one dares trust a wife or a child or a friend any longer. But in the future there will be no wives and no friends. Children will be taken from their mothers at birth, as one takes eggs from a hen. The sex instinct will be eradicated. Procreation will be an annual formality like the renewal of a ration card. We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. There will be no love, except the love of Big Brother. There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a defeated enemy. There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are omnipotent we shall have no more need of science. There will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always—do not forget this, Winston—always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—for ever.
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So, sorry for the excessive quotations, had to get that in somehow. SLAB is up.
 
With the fifth rounder in the Pain Draft, I select...

462px-Screwworm_larva.jpg

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

A Screw Worm Infestation.
This little baddie isn't actually a worm, though, it's a maggot.

What makes this maggot different from other maggots? It eats LIVE flesh. Yes, I don't need to be dead to get these guys. The nice caring mommy will find a nice open wound or other orifices (Mouth, eyes, nose...Or worse) and lay 200-400 eggs.
Once the eggs hatch, the little guys burrow (Or screw) their way into my live flesh, at which point a festering wound has been created. So why don't I just pick them out? Well, they will screw their way deeper into my live flesh. After 5-7 days the maggots who have had their fill of my flesh drop off and hatch into another littler of my little buddies.

Of course, Im not going to die from this, but this seems like a fate worse than that.

:eek:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screwworm



Oh, and in addition to those terrors, I also get a nice constant swarm of egg laying flies all over the place, everywhere I go.
 
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Hey, can a mod break the draft lists into 3 individual posts with 4 lists per post??

Im probably going to start running out of room in my posts.

Thanks.
:)
 
SLAB said:
Hey, can a mod break the draft lists into 3 individual posts with 4 lists per post??

Im probably going to start running out of room in my posts.

Thanks.
:)
Click to expand...

Done. Hopefully the hyperlinks still go to the right posts. You might want to check that. :)
 
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Update: MassachusettsKingsFan has timed out. GeraldWallace#3 is on the clock...
 
Sorry for the delay ... alotta draft stuff got me distracted, but now im back to doing what really matters ..

Not sure were to go with this pick .. kind of just going to wing it, so here we go...

I pick Constant 'Funny' Bone Pain

FunnyBoneLogoAnimated.gif


Im sure everyone has felt it, and for less than a second it is one of the most shockingly painful experiences one can have .. Having this pain all the time is not something im looking forward too.
 
Oh that is just wrong... And I'm blaming you for my sudden attack of funny bone pain in my left elbow.
 
On the plus-side, the long wait has given me enough time to settle on one particular pick, on the downside, I'm now afraid that it will be taken by someone else (my first not too exotic pick...arrrgh...).
 
Geraldwallace#3 has timed out, so he has 2 make-up picks.

MassachusetsKingsFan is now up, I'll send PM now.
 
Again, not quite sure were to go here, but I still have about half my picks left, so i'll go ahead on draft the one, the only, Stehpan A. Smith


Smith_small.jpg


I cant stand this guy, I really cant. He loves the Lakers and the Knicks and his voice is .. just annoying .. so annoying. I cringe every time he is on TV ..

Now, he isnt actually on my island .. That wouldnt be fair to Gilbert, I promised him that he would be the only other person on the island, instead, SAS is the 'god voice' of my island.. He is doing play by play for whatever Im doing, adding his insight when he feels he should ( all the time ) .. god that would suck.
 
Gilbert and SAS?? wow. Have fun.. Your next pick must be some sort of headache...

On a side note, I do kind of like SAS though.
 
Sorry for the wait.....

For my pick I select.....

THE ABILITY TO NOT DIE.

Sure this may seem like something everyone wants, but when your living in a hellhole like mine you are going to wish you die. And everything that would kill you slow and painfully is now just very very painful :)
 
For my next pick I selct....

Nothing (Food)

Yes absolutley nothing, with inability to die I can starve all I want. :) I won't have the ability to do daily tasks, but hey At least I wont have to go to the bathroom as much ;)





Gee isn't my Island fun.
 

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GeraldWallace#3 said:
For my next pick I selct....

Nothing (Food)

Yes absolutley nothing, with inability to die I can starve all I want. :) I won't have the ability to do daily tasks, but hey At least I wont have to go to the bathroom as much ;)





Gee isn't my Island fun.
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Actually I think the rules state in particular that you aren't supposed to take anything that actually kills you, although some of these choices have obviously been walking (and maybe even crossing) a pretty fine line.
 
Rules say you have to pick one food and one drink, so I think you will have to do this one again.
 
Warhawk said:
Rules say you have to pick one food and one drink, so I think you will have to do this one again.
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Although having taken the ability not to die...not sure what that means. Where's a bossy, powermad thread admin when you need one? :p
 
As de facto bossy, powermad impartial third party in another draft, my guess would be that Warhawk is right. Food is a tangible thing, something you ingest in whatever manner in to your body. I think "Nothing" fails the tangible test, if nothing else. ;)
 
Yea, Im gonna say you have to re-make both picks GeraldWallace#3.

The ability to not die isn't something that can plausibly happen. The point is to LIVE on the island, and picking that is a loophole around the rules that would unfairly give you an advantage over everyone else, and with pick 1 canceled out you need a food to eat...
(Nothing to eat being a perfect example to said loophole).

Sorry, but there's still solid picks!
 
I have a few here, but I assume pick 1A is going to make it to my next pick. And since I can't really think of some really repulsive beverages, Im going to hit one that I actually can vouch for.

FL78Q1JFBVHE5YL.MEDIUM.jpg


Hot, lumpy, expired, sour milk.


My beverage of champions.
Every day Im going to be living in a 110 degree desert. Im going to need something to drink. Hopefully the God have bestowed me with something refreshing...

But no...I have been given lumpy expired sour milk.
Not only can I think of a less refreshing beverage to quench my thirst with, but on top of the sour lumps of milky goodness...

My island is refrigerator free.
So my milk sits in the 110 degree heat all day just waiting to be consumed.

I can't wait for dinner.

Italian Maggot Cheese and Hot Lumpy Expired Sour Milk.
Yummy!
 
Well, here's the first thing I actually do suffer from and severely. So with the sixth pick, it shall be Insomnia.

insomnia.png


As the wiki article states, insomnia isn't really a disease at all, but rather just a symptom, but I think I'll just stick with the symptom, thanks. The feeling that if you have to get up at a specific time the next day, you better get to bed ten hours earlier and not expect more than seven hours of sleep (this is actually normal for me). If there is anything stressful ahead or behind you, appointment at the dentist, roommate is behind on his rent and the landlord has threatened to kick you out, etc. then you can just kiss your sleep goodbye.

Now you're lying in bed, seeing the alarm clock make progress, knowing that with every passing second your sleep time is reduced and the bloody thing will go off. Hate the feeling can't bloody stand it, especially if there's nothing comforting to think about. Now, with the existence that I'd be leading on that particular island, there will be no such thing. The only release I'd have from all the dreariness, pain and suffering would have been sleep, but all of a sudden this has been taken away as well.
 
Okay, so I'm hobbling down the beach with a throbbing toothache, my back is killing me as I try to dodge 3 inch dive bombing hornets, Limbaugh is inanely shouting in one ear, and all 300lbs of Roseanne is jiggling along ahead of me in the nude screeching as only she can screech. What I need is a soundtrack to bring this all together. What I need is a troubadour. Accordingly I select:

010davidhassel.jpg

Eternal David Hasselhoff Serenade

Yes, The Hoff is on my island (in that outfit too). And he just will not shut up. Ever. He will serenade me awake in the morning, he will follow me around all day long singing and dancing and hip thrusting wherever I go, and he will sing me cheesy lullabies every night. He will of course have whatever backup band/musicians he needs to create his particular "magic", and occasionally he and Roseanne will get together for a lovely duet. His music is the only music I will hear for all eternity and it will be my eternal companion. It wil be funny for a few hours. It will be annoying by noon of the first day. It will be hell within a week. Worst of all, when I inevitably try to off myself by drowning, the clown is a freaking lifeguard as well and will save me so I have to endure another set.

[yt=The Greatest Music Video of All Time]PJQVlVHsFF8[/yt]




P.S. I just lost the German vote. But that's ok -- they are clearly very strange people. :p
 
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