Grades v. Cavs 03/13

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Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
Well, in light of the blowout I am going to put aside my planned Mascot theme for the night, because I don't have enough of them to cover us playing all 12 guys in the blowout. Was planning on 9. Anyway, tommorow maybe. So tonight will be Funny Basketball Quotes:


Artest ( B+ ) -- no LeBron helped immensely of course, but Ron was clearly by far and away our best player tonight. Of course you would nto have really known that to start as in the early going Ira Newble was doing the Linas Kleiza on us, draining 3 threes in the first 6 minutes of the game against Ron. But Ron began to take full advantage of the scrubs he was facing in the second quarter on both ends -- dominating them defensively and repeatedly poking away balls, and driving inside almost uncontested at the other end. Continued the strong play as maybe the only King not to get the Kool Aid memo in the third, insisting on playing hard and trying to win even as we lined up the impressive lin.

"I just have to like the way it looks. I don't even have to like the guy to buy his throwback. For instance, I have a Bill Walton throwback." -Jason Williams.


Thomas ( C- ) -- hit his first shot, which was almost unfortunate because it encouraged him to start unleashing his offense...on us, leading to repeated misses inside. Got killed inside in the early third as the Cavs rammed the ball down our throat and blew us out, but was left in long enough to help a little with activity late in the quarter.

"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5." - Charles Barkley

Miller ( D+ ) -- put up solid first quarter numbers as the beneficiary of a lot of scramble plays and drive and dishes. But really lost control of Big Z in the second, as he was repeatedly outmuscled for rebounding position and got shot right over by the bigger man. And was getting pummeled so bad on defense in the third quarter blowout that he was pulled for a largely flacid Reef and never returned. Basically everything positive he did was int he first 12 min.

"[LeBron] was banging those little boys around in high school, but once he goes against the men, they're going to beat his butt and make him cry." - Charley Rosen

Martin ( D ) -- started ragged and maybe really jacking things up to impress the friends and family. Did not look to be in a good rhythm, and the quickness of Larry Hughes may have bothered him. Of course he did not light it up against anybody else either so... Got back to back hits in the late second, and created a few shots for his teammates. Thought maybe he was waking up. But not the case -- disappeared for the second half, made several sloppy turnovers, and was considerably outplayed by Sasha Pavlovic.

"I didn't even know Elvis was from Memphis, I thought he was from Tennessee" - resident scholar Drew Gooden
 
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Bibby ( D ) -- started off the game I think faking a foot limp -- or at least it magically got better as soon as he had a chance to shoot the ball. On the other hand he was missing, so who knows, maybe it was legit. In any case did nothing in the first quarter, but his eyes lit up in the late second as he found himself guarded by Damon Jones, and he promptly splashed in back to back three point shots for really his only bright moment of the night. Redisappeared therafter as our Bibby/Martin backcourt got completely annihilated by Larry Hughes/Sasha Pavlovic and combined for 25pts 6ast on 8-24 shooting to the Hughes/Sasha combo's 50pts 13ast on 17-34.

"We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic." - Charles Barkley on the (then) recently implemented no blood/bodily fluid rules in the wake of Magic being diagnosed with AIDS.

Salmons ( ?? ) -- did nothing in his first half stint, and our offense was completely asleep with him out there. Finally hit a three to close the third and was part of our last burst of life, but I had to do a double take when I saw the numbers he finsihed with. In fact so big a doubletake that I bailed on the grade. 9pts 7ast 5rebs? Really?? I must've missed that. That sounds like a heck of a game for John. I did not see it.

"We try to treat the road like it's a home game. We ain't got no fans at home, neither." - Dion Glover while playing for the Atlanta Hawks.

Cisco ( C+ ) -- had a sloppy good and bad first half -- turned it over, dumbly fouled Newble at the three point line, but Ira was back to being Ira and promptly bricked 2 of the 3. Otherwise some nice first half hustle plays, including saving a sure fastbreak hoop by stripping Larry Hughes. Gave us a little hustle push in the late third, but could not hit his shots or come close to turning momentum.

Don Nelson on Dirk Nowitzki's new crew cut: "I didn't know he was that ugly. I thought he was a pretty good looking fella when he had hair, but, oh my goodness, did that bring out all his bad features or what. He's going to be single all the rest of his life!"

Corliss ( D ) -- bad game really bouyed solely by stats and a little garbagetime. Gave us virtually nothing -- on defense the lane was wide open, and Corliss struggled to force it inside over the big Cavs frontline. Had some boards, but that was mostly just rebounding his own misses. Got to the line a few times in garbagetime to pad things. But this was not good.

"That didn't bother me. I am not going to worry about a guy trying to be tough with a pink tie on." - Ben Wallace, on the injured Marcus Fizer acting like he was going to come off the Bulls bench and fight.
 
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Reef ( D+ ) -- is working on a new nickname as The Great Stonefeet for his complete immmobility on defense as players shot over him, went around him, may even have dribbled between his legs. Heck, I think birds were nesting. Anyway, is going to get his grade here for being able able to work inside for a few hoops, but even there there were a lot of turnovers thrown in, and his hustle in the third quarter was abysmal. As was the boadwork. And yet on this night, he did not standout wiht our entire frontcourt going bellyup at once.

Joe Kleine in his Phoenix days: "Charles [Barkley] and I have no-trade clauses. His is written in. Mine, well, nobody wants to trade for me."

Price ( INC ) -- garbagetime hustle

"The only thing Christian Laettner has in common with Larry Bird is they both pee standing up." - Charles Barkley, always good for a laugh.

Douby ( INC ) -- drained a pair of open threes in garbagetime.

Barkley: "I can not believe that Dan Rather didn't just kill Saddam Hussein when he was interviewing him, and that would have saved us all that money going to war."

Ernie Johnson: "How do you reckon Dan Rather would have pulled that off?"

Barkley: "He could have said 'Hey Saddam, let's go get something to eat' and then stabbed him in the neck with a fork. That could have saved us $26 billion dollars we're giving to Turkey. We could have used that money to fix the public school system here in America...You think a real fork or a salad fork?"

EJ: "I don't think a salad fork is getting it done."


Williams ( INC ) -- had some garbagetime moments, blocked a shot, active on the offensive glass, subjected us to the horror of his FT shooting

"I forgive him. He's my teammate, he made a mistake, and I can't retaliate, trying to fight him or beat him up, because I'm on probation, so I would get in trouble." - Ruben Patterson, forgiving, sort of, Zach Randolph.
 
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Muss ( ) -- maybe we shouldn't even go here, as I've grown tired of tossing barbs at a professional simply not worth the effort. But it does let me add one more funny quote, so why not. Actually started the game pretty well -- Kevin was pressing, but I supect that was the friends and family effect, not the gameplan. And Muss called a good early timeout to settle us, and then went to a zone which caused the shooter-less Cavs a lot of problems for about 6-8 minutes. Unfortunately that was about it, the Cavs adjusted, Muss discovered that he only had one guy in uniform who was going to play tonight, and that guy is nuts....actually Cisco as always wanted to help but was having one of those nights when he was going to hurt you as much as help and really needed to grow a ganglia. Anyway, then Muss wowed them with another halftime speech on the wonders of differential equations as applied to the weather patterns of southern Tasmania, and that was that. At least he felt free enough without any Maloofs around to breath over his shoulder to actually play our scrubs in garbagetime rather than rack up stupid minutes for our main pieces. In some ways, its hard to pin the loss on Muss here beyond the obvious -- he absolutely failed to inpsire these guys. But he got ZERO performances out of his frontcourt, lousy performances out of his backcourt, and basically did not even have 5 guys who could have made it compettive. Maybe tic him down for not desperately flailing about wiht Price/Douby/Willaims earlier. But that would have been just that -- desperation. Anyway, onto the quote. more fun anyway.

Charles Barkley: "To win a championship you shouldn't think so much about having home court advantage."

Mike Bibby: "How would you know?"
 
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Didn't see the game but the team stats that glare out of the screen:
Assists; Cavs 35, Kings 18
Rebounds: Cavs 51, Kings 33
 
Didn't see the game but the team stats that glare out of the screen:
Assists; Cavs 35, Kings 18
Rebounds: Cavs 51, Kings 33

Take it from me. It was much worse than those stats indicate. We were tied at the end of the second quarter. That was the last "high point" of the night for the Kings. The second half should be incorporated into one of Musselman's multi-tiered power point presentations as examples of how to totally screw up a decent outing.
 
The fact that Cleveland demolished the Kings without King James shows the huge talent deficit of this team. The Kings need two years of good drafts, good trades, and good FA pickups just to get to be as good as Cleveland is without James on the roster. Did anyone notice the little banter of Grant and Reynolds about the fact that Cleveland had been in the cellar for quite a while (pointed out by Reynolds) and then Napier said with envy (paraphrase), "But it got them James, didn't it?"
 
I think it's more of just...

a) coaching

b) a better "team", not in terms of talent, but overall ability to play together...not just a bunch of bodies strung together

c) size

d) majority of the guys on the floor not just going through the motions

Kings have a decent amount of talent on their roster.

It just doesn't fit.
 
Another one from a recent ESPN chat of David Thorpe (who coaches Martin in the off season)

Have you ever listened to Walton? Do you really want me to psychoanalyze him?
 
I give an A to the funny quotes theme on this one. It's actually more entertaining to read the non-grade stuff than to watch the games.
 
Barkley: "I can not believe that Dan Rather didn't just kill Saddam Hussein when he was interviewing him, and that would have saved us all that money going to war."

Ernie Johnson: "How do you reckon Dan Rather would have pulled that off?"

Barkley: "He could have said 'Hey Saddam, let's go get something to eat' and then stabbed him in the neck with a fork. That could have saved us $26 billion dollars we're giving to Turkey. We could have used that money to fix the public school system here in America...You think a real fork or a salad fork?"

EJ: "I don't think a salad fork is getting it done."


Charles Barkley, Super Genius.

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"We try to treat the road like it's a home game. We ain't got no fans at home, neither." - Dion Glover while playing for the Atlanta Hawks.
*Ouch*

Don Nelson on Dirk Nowitzki's new crew cut: "I didn't know he was that ugly. I thought he was a pretty good looking fella when he had hair, but, oh my goodness, did that bring out all his bad features or what. He's going to be single all the rest of his life!"
I gotta agree with Don on this one. In the looks department, about all Dirk has goin' for him, is the hair. And even that's not a compliment.:cool:
 
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Anyway, then Muss wowed them with another halftime speech on the wonders of differential equations as applied to the weather patterns of southern Tasmania, and that was that.
Hey, don't knock differential equations applied for meteorology, I essentially do them for a living :p

And yes, I second the wish that 360 quote would have been included, but that one might be funnier for me because of my math background. Still, all of these are absolutely amazing. Is there a website with all of them and some more anywhere?

"I just have to like the way it looks. I don't even have to like the guy to buy his throwback. For instance, I have a Bill Walton throwback." -Jason Williams.
<3

Charles Barkley: "To win a championship you shouldn't think so much about having home court advantage."

Mike Bibby: "How would you know?"
<3 <3 <3

I love it when my Kings bite (unsurprisingly enough).
 
Wow... I was going to give Artest a D for ball hog and thereby lowering everyone else's game. He's been the difference maker in killing our offense that last two games.
 
Wow... I was going to give Artest a D for ball hog and thereby lowering everyone else's game. He's been the difference maker in killing our offense that last two games.

I got over that scapegoating type stuff a long time ago. Popular players play like crap and there's always got to be an excuse, a bad guy making the poor little dears suck balls on that particular night. No. A guy taking 15 shots isn't completely stalling your offense (and mind you 15 shots and hitting over half of them). Nor actually on a night when you score 100 is the offense completely stalled. Nor is the guy getting 5 steals and actually trying on defense why/how you get obliterated on defense against a team missing its MVP candidate.
 
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