[OPINION] Use of "sir/ma'am" in children?

Mr. S£im Citrus

Doryphore of KingsFans.com
Staff member
#1
Saw this discussion elsewhere, and it got me thinking:

I was raised in the north, but I was born in South Carolina, and had a decidedly "southern" upbringing. I was raised to always say "sir" and "ma'am" to my elders, be they family or strangers. My parents weren't the type to correct me if I didn't say sir or ma'am but, then again, my parents weren't exactly the most difficult people to read emotionally; it was real easy to tell whether it was okay to say "mom" or "dad," or whether "sir" or "ma'am" was the only appropriate response... ;) If my mom was in a different room, or it was clear that I wasn't paying attention, it was "ma'am," without exception. If I had ****ed up somehow and she was chewing my *** out, it was "ma'am." If we were in the presence of other adults, "ma'am," most especially when in the presence of anyone older than my parents. Hell, my next door neighbors growing up practically treated us like their own grandchildren, and it was "sir/ma'am" with them (or Mr. and Mrs. Mell, God rest their souls).

It has been my observation that there is a significant cultural divide on this issue, and an even more significant racial divide. For example, members of my family and black friends whom were raised in the north tend to have been brought up to use it, whereas amongst those of my friends (as well as the people to whom I was formerly related by marriage) that are white and raised in the north, nearly none of them were raised to use it. I don't actually know any white people that were raised in the South, but I do notice when I go to visit my family in Georgia and South Carolina, it's a universal practice, regardless of race.

So my question unto you is in parts:

1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?


For myself, the answers are:
1) Yes
1a) No
2) Yes
3) Yes
4) Yes
5) I don't insist on it, and I'd rather be referred to by Mr. Slim by anybody whom I don't know, but I much prefer "sir" to my first name by strangers. I've never cared for people whom don't know me well referring to me by my first name. For me, it's not a respect thing, though; it's more of a "You don't know me like that" thing. Thirty-two.
 
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#2

1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age?
1) No. Raised to always be respectful of others, but my parents never stressed any particular terms.
1b) Raised in California by fairly liberal parents and even went to a pseudo-hippie alternative elementary school in which all teachers were referred to by first names only.
1c) I use Mr./Mrs. when appropriate, but not as a default. In my work environment, I've come to find that people respond more positively to the relaxed and friendly approach of using first names.
3) Have had several friends in the past (usually those raised in the south and/or in the church) that used sir/ma'am very strictly, and I imagine they still do, but I'm not in touch with them anymore.
4) Won't have kids, but don't imagine it would be too large a concern if I did.
5) Depends on the context -- not overly thrilled with being called ma'am in general, but can deal with it if its obviously a cultural/respect thing. Too often, however, I've found that ma'am is thrown out as a passive aggressive or condescending attempt to appease me.
 
#3
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age?

You may have answered for me a question that I had after a strange conversation I had with a potential customer. Every sentence addressed to me was prefaced or ended by Ma'am. Here's a question for you. Should I address her the same way?

1. No
1b. North. Sac valley
1c. Most of my parents friends told me to call them by their first names. I'd still occasionally called them mr/mrs.
2. I use it more now than I did before.
3. by a few of them (they tend to be of a different culture then me)
4. I tried. didnt stick
5. I don't mind it. It used to really bug me. 36
 

Mr. S£im Citrus

Doryphore of KingsFans.com
Staff member
#4
You may have answered for me a question that I had after a strange conversation I had with a potential customer. Every sentence addressed to me was prefaced or ended by Ma'am. Here's a question for you. Should I address her the same way?
I would say, "when in Rome..." If you're speaking to someone using sir/ma'am, I would use it in return, especially if you were dealing with a potential client... :)
 

VF21

Super Moderator Emeritus
SME
#5
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?

1) No. Although I was raised to be respectful to adults.
1b) Born and raised in California. My mom is third generation Californian and my dad was an Indiana farm boy.
1c) Yes. We never referred to adults by their first name. Ever. Even when I grew up I found it very hard to refer to friends of my parents by their first names. Just didn't feel right.
2) Yep.
3) For the most part, no.
4) My daughter is grown, but she was raised the same way. My grandchildren are related to most of the adults they know, so it's more an "aunt so-and-so" or "uncle so-and-so" type thing. If they're not related, I don't know if they address them by first names or not. Probably but only because all their peers do so.
5) I have no problem with it. It was a shock, I'll admit, the first time a store clerk referred to me as "ma'am." My thought was, "Oh my God. I'm officially old." I do strongly resent, however, the use of my first name by total strangers such as those who call trying to sell me something. If I haven't told someone to call me by my first name, they can use my surname.
 
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#6
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?

1: No.
1b: Raised in Northern California.
1c: Yes.
2: Sometimes--with parents of friends. If they were parents of neighbor children, (same neighborhood from 5-18) some parents asked to be called by their first name.
3: Sometimes.
4: Both--they generally asked the adult how they would like to be called if I had not told them beforehand.
5: It would not bother me at all and it has occasionally happened throughout my adult life.
 
#7
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?



1) No
1b) Southern California
1c) Yes, I use "Mr/Mrs."
After I graduated college and was working..the mother of a friend of mine came to work at the same company. I had always called her Mrs. Charbonneau for years and never by her first name, like our other co-workers. It took me a long time before I felt ok calling her by her first name. When I see he now...I revert back to Mrs. Charbonneau. :)
2) Yes
3) For the most part
4) I have nor will I have any children...but if I did, I would raise them to be repectful to adults, as I was taught.
5) It sounds kinda comical to me, but doesn't bother me. I don't like people that don't know me to use my first name.
 
#8
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?


1) No.

1a) Southern Cal ;)

1c) I always referred to other adults as Mr. or Mrs. I could use my aunts and uncles first names, but it was always Aunt Florence or Uncle Frank, for example. I think I was in my 30s before I felt okay using their 1st name alone, altho it was okay with them, once I was an adult.

My mother's parents were Grandmother and Grandfather. No grandma, granny, nana, pops, etc.

Mom and Dad were always Mom and Dad. Well, once I got past Mommy and Daddy. :)

2) I do use Mr. or Mrs., but it seems to go to first names pretty quickly. I use that until they let me know if they prefer something else. Except for people quite a bit older than me, others seem to feel uncomfortable, if I continue to use Mr or Mrs. Its like they think I'm not being friendly or something.

3) Some yes, some no. Probably more no.

4) Not Sir or Ma'am, but I certainly introduced adults as Mr. or Mrs. to my son. Most immediately gave their first names to my son and wanted to be addressed that way.

5) I certainly don't mind being addressed as Ms. or ma'am, as I understand it is meant to be respectful. I can appreciate that. I have to admit, ma'am made me feel old at first. But I'm not really young anymore, about to turn 57.

I think some of the instant first name basis these days comes from my boomer generation fighting tooth, nail and botox to not be "old." I think a lot of them think being addressed with sir or ma'am or as Mr. and Mrs. is the same as calling them old. I'm quite sure when boomers get to 75, that will all of a sudden be "middle-aged." ;)
 
#9

So my question unto you is in parts:

1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?
1. No.
1b. Neither. (S. Calif)
1c. Depends on who it is. Some people at work I call by their first names when a Mr. is warranted; others I don't. I typically use Mr./Mrs. to those who have grays in their hair and more typically if I'm not comfortable rapping w/ them.
3. No
4. Doubtful. Respect can be shown w/o my theoretical children calling me Sir, but it does follow that kids who say it come from parents who demand respect.
5. Rarely happens, but it's amusing/offputting being that I'm 30. I work w/ 17-23 year olds, primarily. If any of them think I'm old, I like to forewarn them that the 20s go by in the blink of an eye.

PS: I prefer people new people to call me by my first name, especially if we haven't even really talked in depth. I consider it friendly. I agree w/ VF as far as phone solicitors using it though. They can find a flagpole in general.
 
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#13
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?


1) No and Yes.....my mom didn't care but my godparents sure made me.
1a) Not at all...sure people made fun of me because of it but I never resented it.
1b) North
1c) No
2) Yes
3) No
4) Yes
5) Not a problem at all if used in the general form(people younger than me nowadays use it before saying a bad pickup lin to say the least) I am 24 years old.
 

6th

Homer Fan Since 1985
#14
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?


1) Yes
1a) absolutely not
1b) Illinois
1c) n/a
2) you bet...for any adult, not just older than me
3) some
4) no children...but I would
5) I feel respected...I am 55
 
#15
1) Were you raised to use sir/ma'am?
1a) If the answer to 1) was "yes," did you resent it?
1b) If the answer to 1) was "no," were you raised in the north or the south?
1c) Additionally, if the answer to 1) was "no," do you use "Mr./Mrs. lastname" in lieu of?
2) Do you still practice it today?
3) Is it practiced by your friends?
4) Do/would/did you raise your children to practice it?
5) How do you feel about being called sir/ma'am by people younger than you? Your age (or your age range, if you don't feel comfortable giving your age)?


1) No, but I use it occasionally.
1b) Neither, I was raised mostly in North California.
1c) Yes I use Mr. and Mrs. all the time.
2) Yes I do.
3) For the most part, all my friends use the Mr./Mrs. last name as their standard way of greeting adults.
4) I would raise them to practice it, because it's just not right saying, hey Lawrence -instead of Mr. Todd.
5) I'd feel somewhat awkward because kids around here don't usually refer to their elders as that. Oh and it's a little awkward when a kid addresses a 17 year old as Ms. Smith.. :p lol One of my teachers called me Ms. Smith and It was a tad awkward although I always addressed him as Mr. [lastname].