Kings compared to the movie Major League???

B

BRad1055

Bench
I was listening to a little of CD's show last night and they compared the Kings to the movie Major League. They said you had the rich female owner (The Maloofs) who wanted to move the team to a more high profile city (Las Vegas). You had the GM (Petrie) who was once good and than was told by the owner to get the worst players (Moore and Wilks) available so they would be so bad that no one (the fans) would come out to watch them therefore being able to move the team. You also had the high paid player in Corbin Bernson's charecter who no one wanted because he was so overpaid (Kenny Thomas). At the end though they end up winning the whole thing so could that happen to our Kings this year? lol.
 
Wild Thing - Artest
Pedro Serrano (voodoo guy) - Bibby?
Willy Mays Hayes - Martin?
Redneck guy who's been around for a while & is now just hanging on - Miller
Gruff coach/manager who's never been in the bigs before - Theus?
Jake Taylor - vacant (see LEADER)
Chance to win division - slim to none

Nope, don't see the comparison to the movie.
 
"Here's a roster of the players I want you to invite to camp."
"I've never heard of half of these guys."
"Some of them are past their prime."
"Some of these never even had a prime."
"This guy here is dead!"
"Cross him off, then!"

[apologies for mangling quotes from the greatest sports comedy of all time]

I dunno, this team seems more like Major League 2 - Here's why.

Big names don't want to perform in movie, thus Wesley Snipes replaced by Omar Epps. New characters with obviously predictable flaws. Rube Baker (the role of the redneck who likes Vicky Secret), Mid-season trade of talented malcontent Parkman for Tatanka (role yet to be determined...Yi?) Once mighty Cerrano has no marbles. Still no Jake Taylor.

Gee, I hope we can become a contender again.
 
Kings compared to the movie Major League???

more like "the exorcist"
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Good point. In addition, I don't see any attitude issues. I will concede SAR = Jake Taylor, only because Corliss is no longer here.
 
how on earth they went with kenny thomas over mike bibby for corbin bernsen's character, i will never understand. overpaid? check. quickly aging? check. refusal to play defense? check check check.
 
BRad1055 said:
At the end though they end up winning the whole thing so could that happen to our Kings this year? lol.
Click to expand...
Or so you think, because at the start of the sequel it is revealed that they only won their division title and lost in the AL championship. I think I agree with Spike that we're on the crappy sequel level now. 2 seasons ago may have been the original Major League, complete with the late season rally to squeak into the playoffs.
 
The scary thing about this comparison is that the main plot may actually be true amazing as it sounds, ironically my friends and I have been joking about this for over two years. If you look at the series of events leading up to now I would say the year before last actually follows the movie all the way to the end.

Webber traded year before for fodder
Christie traded for Mobley who left
The Arena fiasco
Artest brought in to go all psycho and unfortunately for the owners he becomes our Jake Taylor and leads us to the playoffs.

I would say right now we are in Major League 4: The New Nightmare

Artest has turned into his evil alter ego Ron-Ron and the reason we won't pull another Major League type comeback is specifically because we have no Jake Taylor anymore.

I wonder if we actually do start winning games this year if the Maloofs will take the team plane away...:D
 
This is a fun comparison; in a sick way it gives me hope for the season.

I'd say Mike Wilks is Mitchell Friedman as in: {Indian fan sitting in diner}: "I've never heard of most of them ... Mitchell Friedman?"

Bibby is easily Roger Dorn -- "I thought we didn't have any high priced talent? You can forget about Bibby because he's only high priced"
Still has it in him though ... somewhere.

Artest as Ricky *Wild Thing* Vaughn is so obvious I think that song should be played at Arco everytime Ron Ron takes the court, shoots a free throw, or tries to stab a guy with his skate. I hear he's the only guy to ever do that. (Sorry different movie) Let's just hope he's not playing for the California Penal League by season's end.

My hope is Kenny Thomas could be our Gentry -- or rather, the only player to find a Red Flag in his locker during spring training. Right now though, he's our Keltner, as in {Harry Doyle}: "You can close the book on Keltner -- Thank God"

K-Mart is perfect for Willie Mays Hayes -- a young, energetic, insanely talented and fun to watch young guy who came out of nowhere. But occasionally makes the rookie/young vets mistake.

And I can also see a little Hayes in Cisco too, like legging out a grounder for a hit -- only to be thrown out by the pitcher at first when looking at his "untied" shoe. I could easily see Theus telling Cisco: "Nice Play Garcia, don't ever f---ing do it again"

But as of now Cisco is our Tomlinson -- he gives us a ride, but somehow is still just coming up short.

Can anyone else picture Miller lifting his jersey and seeing Cristco, Bardol and Vagisil smeared all over his chest just like Eddie Harris? Cause I think I can. Won't it give him a 2 to 3 inch drop on his jump shot.

Maybe it's because he's 7 feet tall ... and maybe because the dreadlocks make me assume he has a Caribbean accent, even though he doesn't. But I like Mikki Moore as Pedro Cerano -- A big man, who's bounced around the league because he's only good at one thing, and even that can be avoided by good teams. Plus, I just have an image of Moore going up to Miller and saying "Is very bad to steal Mikki's rum. Is very bad."

Salmons, Douby and SAR are Reyna (SS), Larson (2B) and Ward (1B) -- Guys who contribute, but really fade into the background to the point where sometimes you forget they're on the team.

I'm afraid Justin and Hawes will be our Camps and Crespi -- guys seen in the background congratulating the starters when they come to the dugout/bench. They could be great ... if they ever got on the court!

"This guy here is dead! ... Cross him off then" I'm pretty sure they were talking about Corliss.

This isn't going to be very popular, but for the immortal Jake Taylor ... we're going to have to reach back and say C-Webb. The connection is obvious: A former all-star at the end of his career just looking for one last horray. Plus there's this: "He was one of the best in (basketball) before having trouble with his knees. Wish we had him 2 years ago. We did, 4 years ago."

Could you imagine C-Webb going to Bibby's house and saying "Look man, I liked it so much better when you were just a ballplayer ... if you tank another play like you did today, I'll cut your nuts off and stuff 'em down your f--- throat."

Or taking Artest and Martin under his wing ... going out to dinner and rooming together? Getting Mikki a live chicken?

Of course, giving him a call to sign with us for the vet minimum would be life immitating art too.

Petrie on Phone: How would you like to play for the Kings this year?
Webber: Is that you Jalen? Look this isn't funny man; I'm hung over, my knees are killing me and if you were going to pull this s--- at least you could have said you were from the Spurs!" (Dial Tone)
 
Löwenherz said:
This is a fun comparison; in a sick way it gives me hope for the season.

I'd say Mike Wilks is Mitchell Friedman as in: {Indian fan sitting in diner}: "I've never heard of most of them ... Mitchell Friedman?"

Bibby is easily Roger Dorn -- "I thought we didn't have any high priced talent? You can forget about Bibby because he's only high priced"
Still has it in him though ... somewhere.

Artest as Ricky *Wild Thing* Vaughn is so obvious I think that song should be played at Arco everytime Ron Ron takes the court, shoots a free throw, or tries to stab a guy with his skate. I hear he's the only guy to ever do that. (Sorry different movie) Let's just hope he's not playing for the California Penal League by season's end.

My hope is Kenny Thomas could be our Gentry -- or rather, the only player to find a Red Flag in his locker during spring training. Right now though, he's our Keltner, as in {Harry Doyle}: "You can close the book on Keltner -- Thank God"

K-Mart is perfect for Willie Mays Hayes -- a young, energetic, insanely talented and fun to watch young guy who came out of nowhere. But occasionally makes the rookie/young vets mistake.

And I can also see a little Hayes in Cisco too, like legging out a grounder for a hit -- only to be thrown out by the pitcher at first when looking at his "untied" shoe. I could easily see Theus telling Cisco: "Nice Play Garcia, don't ever f---ing do it again"

But as of now Cisco is our Tomlinson -- he gives us a ride, but somehow is still just coming up short.

Can anyone else picture Miller lifting his jersey and seeing Cristco, Bardol and Vagisil smeared all over his chest just like Eddie Harris? Cause I think I can. Won't it give him a 2 to 3 inch drop on his jump shot.

Maybe it's because he's 7 feet tall ... and maybe because the dreadlocks make me assume he has a Caribbean accent, even though he doesn't. But I like Mikki Moore as Pedro Cerano -- A big man, who's bounced around the league because he's only good at one thing, and even that can be avoided by good teams. Plus, I just have an image of Moore going up to Miller and saying "Is very bad to steal Mikki's rum. Is very bad."

Salmons, Douby and SAR are Reyna (SS), Larson (2B) and Ward (1B) -- Guys who contribute, but really fade into the background to the point where sometimes you forget they're on the team.

I'm afraid Justin and Hawes will be our Camps and Crespi -- guys seen in the background congratulating the starters when they come to the dugout/bench. They could be great ... if they ever got on the court!

"This guy here is dead! ... Cross him off then" I'm pretty sure they were talking about Corliss.

This isn't going to be very popular, but for the immortal Jake Taylor ... we're going to have to reach back and say C-Webb. The connection is obvious: A former all-star at the end of his career just looking for one last horray. Plus there's this: "He was one of the best in (basketball) before having trouble with his knees. Wish we had him 2 years ago. We did, 4 years ago."

Could you imagine C-Webb going to Bibby's house and saying "Look man, I liked it so much better when you were just a ballplayer ... if you tank another play like you did today, I'll cut your nuts off and stuff 'em down your f--- throat."

Or taking Artest and Martin under his wing ... going out to dinner and rooming together? Getting Mikki a live chicken?

Of course, giving him a call to sign with us for the vet minimum would be life immitating art too.

Petrie on Phone: How would you like to play for the Kings this year?
Webber: Is that you Jalen? Look this isn't funny man; I'm hung over, my knees are killing me and if you were going to pull this s--- at least you could have said you were from the Spurs!" (Dial Tone)
Click to expand...

Best post ever. That was so funny I lost my live chicken:D
 
Löwenherz said:
This is a fun comparison; in a sick way it gives me hope for the season.

I'd say Mike Wilks is Mitchell Friedman as in: {Indian fan sitting in diner}: "I've never heard of most of them ... Mitchell Friedman?"

Bibby is easily Roger Dorn -- "I thought we didn't have any high priced talent? You can forget about Bibby because he's only high priced"
Still has it in him though ... somewhere.

Artest as Ricky *Wild Thing* Vaughn is so obvious I think that song should be played at Arco everytime Ron Ron takes the court, shoots a free throw, or tries to stab a guy with his skate. I hear he's the only guy to ever do that. (Sorry different movie) Let's just hope he's not playing for the California Penal League by season's end.

My hope is Kenny Thomas could be our Gentry -- or rather, the only player to find a Red Flag in his locker during spring training. Right now though, he's our Keltner, as in {Harry Doyle}: "You can close the book on Keltner -- Thank God"

K-Mart is perfect for Willie Mays Hayes -- a young, energetic, insanely talented and fun to watch young guy who came out of nowhere. But occasionally makes the rookie/young vets mistake.

And I can also see a little Hayes in Cisco too, like legging out a grounder for a hit -- only to be thrown out by the pitcher at first when looking at his "untied" shoe. I could easily see Theus telling Cisco: "Nice Play Garcia, don't ever f---ing do it again"

But as of now Cisco is our Tomlinson -- he gives us a ride, but somehow is still just coming up short.

Can anyone else picture Miller lifting his jersey and seeing Cristco, Bardol and Vagisil smeared all over his chest just like Eddie Harris? Cause I think I can. Won't it give him a 2 to 3 inch drop on his jump shot.

Maybe it's because he's 7 feet tall ... and maybe because the dreadlocks make me assume he has a Caribbean accent, even though he doesn't. But I like Mikki Moore as Pedro Cerano -- A big man, who's bounced around the league because he's only good at one thing, and even that can be avoided by good teams. Plus, I just have an image of Moore going up to Miller and saying "Is very bad to steal Mikki's rum. Is very bad."

Salmons, Douby and SAR are Reyna (SS), Larson (2B) and Ward (1B) -- Guys who contribute, but really fade into the background to the point where sometimes you forget they're on the team.

I'm afraid Justin and Hawes will be our Camps and Crespi -- guys seen in the background congratulating the starters when they come to the dugout/bench. They could be great ... if they ever got on the court!

"This guy here is dead! ... Cross him off then" I'm pretty sure they were talking about Corliss.

This isn't going to be very popular, but for the immortal Jake Taylor ... we're going to have to reach back and say C-Webb. The connection is obvious: A former all-star at the end of his career just looking for one last horray. Plus there's this: "He was one of the best in (basketball) before having trouble with his knees. Wish we had him 2 years ago. We did, 4 years ago."

Could you imagine C-Webb going to Bibby's house and saying "Look man, I liked it so much better when you were just a ballplayer ... if you tank another play like you did today, I'll cut your nuts off and stuff 'em down your f--- throat."

Or taking Artest and Martin under his wing ... going out to dinner and rooming together? Getting Mikki a live chicken?

Of course, giving him a call to sign with us for the vet minimum would be life immitating art too.

Petrie on Phone: How would you like to play for the Kings this year?
Webber: Is that you Jalen? Look this isn't funny man; I'm hung over, my knees are killing me and if you were going to pull this s--- at least you could have said you were from the Spurs!" (Dial Tone)
Click to expand...

My TDOS has been made by this post.

The front office thought Mikki Moore and Mike Wlks would do it, but all they needed was a clever little post like this!
 
Absolutely Great

Löwenherz said:
This is a fun comparison; in a sick way it gives me hope for the season.

I'd say Mike Wilks is Mitchell Friedman as in: {Indian fan sitting in diner}: "I've never heard of most of them ... Mitchell Friedman?"

Bibby is easily Roger Dorn -- "I thought we didn't have any high priced talent? You can forget about Bibby because he's only high priced"
Still has it in him though ... somewhere.

Artest as Ricky *Wild Thing* Vaughn is so obvious I think that song should be played at Arco everytime Ron Ron takes the court, shoots a free throw, or tries to stab a guy with his skate. I hear he's the only guy to ever do that. (Sorry different movie) Let's just hope he's not playing for the California Penal League by season's end.

My hope is Kenny Thomas could be our Gentry -- or rather, the only player to find a Red Flag in his locker during spring training. Right now though, he's our Keltner, as in {Harry Doyle}: "You can close the book on Keltner -- Thank God"

K-Mart is perfect for Willie Mays Hayes -- a young, energetic, insanely talented and fun to watch young guy who came out of nowhere. But occasionally makes the rookie/young vets mistake.

And I can also see a little Hayes in Cisco too, like legging out a grounder for a hit -- only to be thrown out by the pitcher at first when looking at his "untied" shoe. I could easily see Theus telling Cisco: "Nice Play Garcia, don't ever f---ing do it again"

But as of now Cisco is our Tomlinson -- he gives us a ride, but somehow is still just coming up short.

Can anyone else picture Miller lifting his jersey and seeing Cristco, Bardol and Vagisil smeared all over his chest just like Eddie Harris? Cause I think I can. Won't it give him a 2 to 3 inch drop on his jump shot.

Maybe it's because he's 7 feet tall ... and maybe because the dreadlocks make me assume he has a Caribbean accent, even though he doesn't. But I like Mikki Moore as Pedro Cerano -- A big man, who's bounced around the league because he's only good at one thing, and even that can be avoided by good teams. Plus, I just have an image of Moore going up to Miller and saying "Is very bad to steal Mikki's rum. Is very bad."

Salmons, Douby and SAR are Reyna (SS), Larson (2B) and Ward (1B) -- Guys who contribute, but really fade into the background to the point where sometimes you forget they're on the team.

I'm afraid Justin and Hawes will be our Camps and Crespi -- guys seen in the background congratulating the starters when they come to the dugout/bench. They could be great ... if they ever got on the court!

"This guy here is dead! ... Cross him off then" I'm pretty sure they were talking about Corliss.

This isn't going to be very popular, but for the immortal Jake Taylor ... we're going to have to reach back and say C-Webb. The connection is obvious: A former all-star at the end of his career just looking for one last horray. Plus there's this: "He was one of the best in (basketball) before having trouble with his knees. Wish we had him 2 years ago. We did, 4 years ago."

Could you imagine C-Webb going to Bibby's house and saying "Look man, I liked it so much better when you were just a ballplayer ... if you tank another play like you did today, I'll cut your nuts off and stuff 'em down your f--- throat."

Or taking Artest and Martin under his wing ... going out to dinner and rooming together? Getting Mikki a live chicken?

Of course, giving him a call to sign with us for the vet minimum would be life immitating art too.

Petrie on Phone: How would you like to play for the Kings this year?
Webber: Is that you Jalen? Look this isn't funny man; I'm hung over, my knees are killing me and if you were going to pull this s--- at least you could have said you were from the Spurs!" (Dial Tone)
Click to expand...


I've been reading for a long time but never posted. After reading this I just couldn't keep quiet any longer ... Lo's post is the greatest thing that has happened in this off season for Kings fans. Thank you for the laugh!
 
there's one huge problem with this theory...

the Major League movies were funny... what's happened to the Kings is just pathetic and sad
 
Dear god I hope there isn't a cardboard cut-out of the Maloofs in the locker room...
 
talltimbr said:
I've been reading for a long time but never posted. After reading this I just couldn't keep quiet any longer ... Lo's post is the greatest thing that has happened in this off season for Kings fans. Thank you for the laugh!
Click to expand...

Wow, I'm honored I was able to entice you to take the plunge.

Thanks and welcome to the board. Go introduce yourself in the Welcome post of the Lounge so 6th and VF can say hi to you properly.
 
I couldve sworn I had Bibby as Roger Dorn on the show.....

So would it be a re-signed Corliss that says:

"Let's give them all a nice **** burger to eat"

Mikki Moore: "**** burger????"
 
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