Bricklayer
Don't Make Me Use The Bat
I want to know who it is who keeps taking a dump in my stocking this holiday week. Santa, if that's you I'm going to kick your chubby old butt all the way back to the North Pole...assuming that global warning hasn't turned that into open ocean yet.
Theme tonight: The World's Horniest Historical Figures
Cisco ( F ) -- if I gave any other grade for this performance I would probably be facing an online lynching. Wobbly wobbly start in place of Artest. Hit a few shots, also blew three layups, turned it over, chucked up bricked three after three, and in general singlehandedly doubled the money Artest's agent will be looking for next summer. You could say he was a wildcard with his play, as he as always did a couple of nice things in admidst the chaos. But I think a better comparison would be to the joker -- question is, who was laughing?
Catehrine the Great -- and hey, why not jump right in with this grand damme? Catherine the Great was tsarina of Russia for the latter half of the 18th century, right up until about the time of the French Revolution. And she, as her "the Great" title might indicate, did a bangup job of it. In more ways than one. Not only was she a great patron of the arts and her armies cut a wide swath through Eastern Europe and down into the Balkans, but this horny lady cut a notoriously wide swath through any and all unlucky male courtiers who happened to catch her fancy as well (see that picture above? That's why its good to be the queen). Since she had already killed her doll-playing limp wristed weenie of a husband on her way to power (actually he just sort of mysteriously croaked a month after she took over in a convenient coincidence), she was free to jump anything that moved. There were over a dozen official "favorites", and like a true early day feminist, she did not let age or propriety get in the way. She carried on a long affair with an advisor decades her junior, and then when she tired of that, let him select a series of young studs to replace him on into her dotage. The only disappointment with this empress's horny is that the famous story that she died when the rope snapped supporting a horse that was being lowered onto her by her servants for, er, stud purposes, turns out not to be true (indeed, in somewhat less titllating fashion, she died of a stroke on the commode).
Moore ( D+ ) -- I wasn't terribly amused by this effort either -- you will recall this is the same guy who had his career game against this same team a couple of weeks back and shot 11-12 or whatever. Well..not tonight. Gave us a whole lot of nothing. And only receives some vapor of a grade because as always its Mikki Moore we are talking about, and there is still room below this sort of outing. Gave us a 35min 6pt 6reb outing that probably wasn't that good. I remember all 6 of the points. And if you look at the six rebounds? Five of them were offensive, a number off of his own misses. He was routinely outhustled, outmuscled, and outbanged down on our end of the court. Kind of makes you miss the days when our PF would average something like 25ppg 11reb and 4ast, no?
Marquis de Sade -- now this guy was not only a raving sex maniac, he was a completely depraved perv as well. He lived to be 74 years old in the late 18th and early 19th centuries despite functioning as what must have been one of the world's great repositories of STDs, and he spent 32 of those 74 years imprisoned in 9 different prisons and insane asylums. He was imprisoned for sexually abusing prostitutes, servants, family members, and don't for a moment think that it had to involve members of the opposite sex. He liked pain particularly --his particular claim to fame is that the word "sadism" is derived from his name. After being convicted and sentenced to death for poisoning two prostitutes and then sodomizing his manservant (don't ask), he fled to Italy along with his wife's sister...and then of course had an affair with her before being caught again. Back in prison atfer the French Revolution, Napoleon had to move him into a harsher prison environment because the old pervert wouldn't quit trying to seduce young inmates at his original stop. He died in an insane asylum...in which he was having an affair with a 13yr old who worked there of course. Oh, and he wrote about all of this too. Prolifically in case you too are a sadistic perv.
Miller ( B- ) -- in a total reversal from the game in Philly, Brad was just giving us nothing until the very end of the first half when he suddenly hit a shot, and then followed it with a corner three to draw us wihtin 6. Poor half, but the timing of his contributions was important. Unfortunately those hits did not spark anything after the break. Was solid on the glass though -- and once again basically the only guy who even pretends to rebound anymore. And while his offense was invisible, Brad was hustling around on defense, to inconsistent effect of course. The boards earn him something here, but never felt remotely like a good game for Brad.
Noah -- yeah, Noah, as in the ark guy. Now all of those Old Testament types were ridiculous horndogs anyway -- they spend an entire book of the Bible doing nothing but begatting and begatting. But Noah, man he may have been the worst. First of all the old man put Hugh Hefner to shame, fathering three sons after the age of 500. I have no diea how many bottles of viagra it takes to father a child when you are five centuries old, but damn, they hadn't even invented the stuff yet. And then he and his three equally prolific sons go hop on a boat 4000 years ago, and supposedly when they get back off, they are it. The only people. Do you have any idea HOW MANY children those horndogs would have to have to get a decent population up and running in time to produce the billions we have now? And we aren't even going to get into the incest angle. Oh, and he is also credited with inventing wine BTW -- makes it a little easier to seduce those young hotties when you've goth centuries of wrinkles and liver spots to overcome.
Salmons ( B ) -- wonder if when John woke up this morning and rolled out of bed he expected to play an NBA basketball game that night where he was his team's best offensive weapon. Maybe an ideal situation for a guy who has always struggled playing in other guys' shadows, but...yikes. Was really the only guy other than Beno giving us anything in the early going, but with much fo the Philly defense rotated his way, was frequently forcing things inside against double or triple teams to dubious effect. As usual barely sniffed the glass, and displayed some abominable tunnel vision at times when those doubles came without John once finding the open man that resulted. Once John decides to shoot, that's what's going to happen. On a more positve note though, picked it up after half, and with Beno returning to being, well, Beno, John assumed his expected role as primary (and indeed virtually only) scorer for us in the second half. Unfortunately defensively things went the other way, and while he had little problem containing Igoudala in the first half, Iggy broke lose in the 4th quarter to help push the Sixers out to the victory. Lot of it was in the open court, off of turnovers etc., but it was clear that john no longer had his defensive mojo late either. In any case the best we had tonight, but got little out of him other than scoring (1reb 2ast 5TO), and while he did that well, it was not nearly prolific enough to make up for the teamwide offensive blackout.
Emperor Jahangir of India -- Jahangir was one of the Mughal emperors of Northern India at the peak of their power in the late 16th and early 17th century. And he set about making sure that he was well stocked with heirs. Lots and lots of heirs. Jahangir accumulated more than 300 wives over his lifetime, and as if that was not enough, added in another 5000 royal concubines, so many that he basically had an entire private city built just to house them. And if THAT was not enough, he also kept around another 1000 or so young men just in case he should fancy a little change of scenery.
Theme tonight: The World's Horniest Historical Figures
Cisco ( F ) -- if I gave any other grade for this performance I would probably be facing an online lynching. Wobbly wobbly start in place of Artest. Hit a few shots, also blew three layups, turned it over, chucked up bricked three after three, and in general singlehandedly doubled the money Artest's agent will be looking for next summer. You could say he was a wildcard with his play, as he as always did a couple of nice things in admidst the chaos. But I think a better comparison would be to the joker -- question is, who was laughing?
Catehrine the Great -- and hey, why not jump right in with this grand damme? Catherine the Great was tsarina of Russia for the latter half of the 18th century, right up until about the time of the French Revolution. And she, as her "the Great" title might indicate, did a bangup job of it. In more ways than one. Not only was she a great patron of the arts and her armies cut a wide swath through Eastern Europe and down into the Balkans, but this horny lady cut a notoriously wide swath through any and all unlucky male courtiers who happened to catch her fancy as well (see that picture above? That's why its good to be the queen). Since she had already killed her doll-playing limp wristed weenie of a husband on her way to power (actually he just sort of mysteriously croaked a month after she took over in a convenient coincidence), she was free to jump anything that moved. There were over a dozen official "favorites", and like a true early day feminist, she did not let age or propriety get in the way. She carried on a long affair with an advisor decades her junior, and then when she tired of that, let him select a series of young studs to replace him on into her dotage. The only disappointment with this empress's horny is that the famous story that she died when the rope snapped supporting a horse that was being lowered onto her by her servants for, er, stud purposes, turns out not to be true (indeed, in somewhat less titllating fashion, she died of a stroke on the commode).
Moore ( D+ ) -- I wasn't terribly amused by this effort either -- you will recall this is the same guy who had his career game against this same team a couple of weeks back and shot 11-12 or whatever. Well..not tonight. Gave us a whole lot of nothing. And only receives some vapor of a grade because as always its Mikki Moore we are talking about, and there is still room below this sort of outing. Gave us a 35min 6pt 6reb outing that probably wasn't that good. I remember all 6 of the points. And if you look at the six rebounds? Five of them were offensive, a number off of his own misses. He was routinely outhustled, outmuscled, and outbanged down on our end of the court. Kind of makes you miss the days when our PF would average something like 25ppg 11reb and 4ast, no?
Marquis de Sade -- now this guy was not only a raving sex maniac, he was a completely depraved perv as well. He lived to be 74 years old in the late 18th and early 19th centuries despite functioning as what must have been one of the world's great repositories of STDs, and he spent 32 of those 74 years imprisoned in 9 different prisons and insane asylums. He was imprisoned for sexually abusing prostitutes, servants, family members, and don't for a moment think that it had to involve members of the opposite sex. He liked pain particularly --his particular claim to fame is that the word "sadism" is derived from his name. After being convicted and sentenced to death for poisoning two prostitutes and then sodomizing his manservant (don't ask), he fled to Italy along with his wife's sister...and then of course had an affair with her before being caught again. Back in prison atfer the French Revolution, Napoleon had to move him into a harsher prison environment because the old pervert wouldn't quit trying to seduce young inmates at his original stop. He died in an insane asylum...in which he was having an affair with a 13yr old who worked there of course. Oh, and he wrote about all of this too. Prolifically in case you too are a sadistic perv.
Miller ( B- ) -- in a total reversal from the game in Philly, Brad was just giving us nothing until the very end of the first half when he suddenly hit a shot, and then followed it with a corner three to draw us wihtin 6. Poor half, but the timing of his contributions was important. Unfortunately those hits did not spark anything after the break. Was solid on the glass though -- and once again basically the only guy who even pretends to rebound anymore. And while his offense was invisible, Brad was hustling around on defense, to inconsistent effect of course. The boards earn him something here, but never felt remotely like a good game for Brad.
Noah -- yeah, Noah, as in the ark guy. Now all of those Old Testament types were ridiculous horndogs anyway -- they spend an entire book of the Bible doing nothing but begatting and begatting. But Noah, man he may have been the worst. First of all the old man put Hugh Hefner to shame, fathering three sons after the age of 500. I have no diea how many bottles of viagra it takes to father a child when you are five centuries old, but damn, they hadn't even invented the stuff yet. And then he and his three equally prolific sons go hop on a boat 4000 years ago, and supposedly when they get back off, they are it. The only people. Do you have any idea HOW MANY children those horndogs would have to have to get a decent population up and running in time to produce the billions we have now? And we aren't even going to get into the incest angle. Oh, and he is also credited with inventing wine BTW -- makes it a little easier to seduce those young hotties when you've goth centuries of wrinkles and liver spots to overcome.
Salmons ( B ) -- wonder if when John woke up this morning and rolled out of bed he expected to play an NBA basketball game that night where he was his team's best offensive weapon. Maybe an ideal situation for a guy who has always struggled playing in other guys' shadows, but...yikes. Was really the only guy other than Beno giving us anything in the early going, but with much fo the Philly defense rotated his way, was frequently forcing things inside against double or triple teams to dubious effect. As usual barely sniffed the glass, and displayed some abominable tunnel vision at times when those doubles came without John once finding the open man that resulted. Once John decides to shoot, that's what's going to happen. On a more positve note though, picked it up after half, and with Beno returning to being, well, Beno, John assumed his expected role as primary (and indeed virtually only) scorer for us in the second half. Unfortunately defensively things went the other way, and while he had little problem containing Igoudala in the first half, Iggy broke lose in the 4th quarter to help push the Sixers out to the victory. Lot of it was in the open court, off of turnovers etc., but it was clear that john no longer had his defensive mojo late either. In any case the best we had tonight, but got little out of him other than scoring (1reb 2ast 5TO), and while he did that well, it was not nearly prolific enough to make up for the teamwide offensive blackout.
Emperor Jahangir of India -- Jahangir was one of the Mughal emperors of Northern India at the peak of their power in the late 16th and early 17th century. And he set about making sure that he was well stocked with heirs. Lots and lots of heirs. Jahangir accumulated more than 300 wives over his lifetime, and as if that was not enough, added in another 5000 royal concubines, so many that he basically had an entire private city built just to house them. And if THAT was not enough, he also kept around another 1000 or so young men just in case he should fancy a little change of scenery.
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i forgot to give you props for the last one.. that one was great~
