Grades v. Mavs 02/21

[Bricklayer]

Well you know I just really didn't want to do it, but you know what a blowout means:

Pretty Girls: Buncha Girls and a Marmoset Edition (Oh, and a Guy Too I Guess)

But you know what really ticks me off? In a blowout where we are down 20 the entire 2nd half, Natt never throws the rest of the new guys on the court, and so gives me only 9 guys to grade/post pretty girls with. May have to do something about that -- just because our coach is stupid and inconsiderate does not mean I have to be.

Cisco ( C+ ) -- was challenging and then chippy and then to the bench to start this one as you would not know it from the boxscore but we actually opened this game with good hustle and activity on defense. When he returned he immediately canned a three pointer (in control, with his feet set even). Got himself into foul trouble though with overaggressive and not very smart play. And as the Mavs came out in the third looking for the knockout blow, he quickly got his 4th against Howard. Played through it though as Natt was very reluctant to go to any of the new guys except Noc. His quick shooting in the third did not help our cause or his, but he came back in the garbagetime to make the statline look much better, canning two long bombs on another night when the fight was not to win it, but rather just to keep it under 30.

Cerina Vincent -- when every script proposal forwarded to you centers around you taking off your clothes, its both a compliment and an insult. In Cerina's case both are well deserved.

Thompson ( D ) -- unable to in any way build off the momentum from the solid Memphis game. Spent much of the night crossmatched against big ole Erick Dampier -- another one of those little finesse centers that Jerry says are taking over the league (that would be me being facetious) -- and was simply overpowered. Somewhat Hawes' fault, as our center has to be able to take that matchup, unless of course we were trying to hide Jason to avoid his constant foul issues. Jason did contribute some early boards and splashed in one faceup jumper to open things, but the foul trouble came right on schedule, including one ridiculous one with Antoine Wright just running over him. We started off the third trying to go to JT on the block...against Dampier. Not good, as the Spalding logo spackled on Jason's forehead will attest. And meanwhile Dampier himself started to punish both of our bigs down inside. Jason never did revcoer his mojo, and Natt kept his night short as he went with a new favorite variety of smallball with Donte and Nocioni manning the big man positons. This looked like a game where a) Jaosn was facing more power than he knew what to do with; and b) where he got som calls going against him; and c) his coach lost confidence in his ability to get it done and looked elsewhere.

Natalie Martinez -- since she was mentioned recently around here, Natalie Martinez of Death Race

Hawes ( B ) -- matched on Dirk in the early going, and did a respectable job on him. I will note it as respectable, because I like to distinguish here things you can't tell from the boxscore -- Dirk only had two points at halftime. Looking at a boxscore you might think wow! His opponent shut him down! And maybe you would be correct some nights, but tonight...it was jsut Spencer doing a respectable job. Dirk was barely involved, and didn't have to be wiht his team pouring in 70 first half points wihtout him. And Spencer used his length to stay with him. Not to lock him up, but at least to keep him from just getting those easy freebies which are so common against our "defense". Basically he made it easy for Dirk to just let the other guys kill us instead. Things didn't go nearly so well against Brandon Bass, against whom Spencer again played similar defense, just staying between Bass and the hoop. But unlike Dirk who was satisfied to just move the ball rather than spend too much effort going over/around Spencer, Bass just studied him, set him up, rocked back and canned midrange jumper after midrange jumper right in his face, dominating second quarter action on his way to 20pts in 21 minutes. Spencer scored back in various ways, had some inside moves, a three, but nothing consistent like the work Bass was doing. And he was unable to protect or close down the lane as various Mavs, James Singleton in particular (who may have had a career game) sliced in for dunks and layups. Other than forcing some sloppy pass attempts that had no hope, was pretty effective offensively in the third -- about the only King who could say that -- but that was also the period where Dirk began waking up and getting his. Never dominating, just getting his share and not being bothered by Spencer much at all. Played deep into the garbagetime because Natt is learning to be a lot like Theus -- a never say never guy who refuses to recognize his team has been squashed like a big on a windshield and wants to get those final margins down so he can get a new cotract next year. Had an ugly possession there in the 4th when Spence got back to back shots blocked down inside on the same possession -- the first one by 6'5" 94yr old Jerry Stackhouse. Thought about giving him the minus for getting his *** kicked by Bass-- who is 6'8" at best BTW, but Spencer is young, and 17 and 9 is a nice steady contribution from your starting center, so left it at a flat B.

Rachel Stevens -- of one of the Brit pop groups. Forgot which.

Martin ( D ) -- well...might as well move along now, nothing to see here. Got off to a slow start, and was being well defended by only one man (Antoine Wright), although the Mavs kept him off balance with other guys occasinally running at him. Little did you realize at the time that the "slow start" was just never going to end. If you had told me that at the end of half one Kevin and Dirk would have combined for 7 points while the teams put up a combined 120 you could have won a cookie from me (not a chocolate chip cookie though, because I would never risk one of those in a bet). Got a couple of open looks in the third that helped him end up with at least some level of numbers, but generally outplayed on the night by Wright, which is not a winning formula for us. Also got a technical for arguing foul calls in that quarter which was pretty much the only sign of life he showed all night. If last night in Memphis Kevin showed some oncourt leadership, tonight in Dallas there was noen as he passively faded away. Doubly damaging since this was the first introduction his new teammates had to him, and that would be precisely when you would want to leave your mark. But Dallas ain't Memphis, and its harder to leave that mark when you are being actively defended. Could have been worse than a D when your 24ppg leading scorer gives you 11, but in a final insult I did not feel Kevin was even significant enough tonight to warrant the truly awful grade.

Awww...lookie! Its a marmoset!

 

[Bricklayer]

Udrih ( B+ ) -- saw JKidd again, and as it was last month, his confidence soared and he showed that meanie pooh Cuban what was what for not taking his contract off of our hands. Could not hit the threes tonight, but had aggressive takes into the paint from start to finish. Notched up a decent amount of assists and a solid assist/turnover ratio on a night when it was important he show leadership there with all the new faces not knowing what the hell we were running. At no point an impact player, he nonetheless was probably our best guy tonight (and yes -- that is obviously a surefire recipe for pretty girls). Had no impact on defense against either Kidd or Barea, but this to must be said -- the defensive effort was freqwuently there. He was active, he was hopping in front of guys and poking around trying to get steals. He is not a good defender, and so it was not effective, but this was not the old passive going thorugh the motions as his guy lights him up bit. Think that could maybe apply to the whole team-- we suck and do not have defensive personnel,but these last few games there have been spurts of real effort. Just hope the realization that they are still going to suck even when making an effort does not cause them to lose heart, and say what is the point as they return to the passive waving on that side of the court.

Maria Menounos -- tv fashion/celbrity presenter type person. Don't worry, you can just hit mute if that sort of thing gives you a headache and still enjoy what she brings to the table.

Jackson ( C- ) -- had a hustle steal and breakaway finish early, but it was about all that went right for him on the night. Kidd worked him in the late 2nd quarter, looking over him at will with passes, and taking advantage of Bobby going under screens to drain jumpers. Was just a warm body out there after half, and spent much/most of his time at OG because we were trying to work Solomon into the rotation (with no Terry the Mavs were also running two PGs at times with Barea and Kidd, so it was not a terrible matchup night for Bobby to be over there).

Alina Vacariu -- Romanian model Alina Vacariu. You're welcome.

Nocioni ( C+ ) -- I wanted to go higher with this grade, I really did. But if you start letting how much you liked a performance outweigh its actual effectiveness, all objectivity is lost and so is your grade scale. And if you start handing out Bs for 2-11 shooting nights, it really doesn't leave much room above for what will hopefully be better nights in the future. In any case Noc arrived a few hours before tipoff and came in basically much as you might come into a pickup game playing with 4 strangers. He spent much of time in the early game hustling around in circles trying to find open spaces without knowing the plays, having little conversations with Beno where Beno would say "go over to the right and set a pick and we'll run a pick and roll" etc. Just a guy doing his best to fit in in strange circumstances for a professional baller. Despite spending most of the last two days on airplanes he had plenty of energy and as usual with him, effort was not a question. Effectiveness however was, as we got to see his three point game..as he clanked them. We got to see his post game...as he clanked them. And he racked up a handful of alarmingly touchless bricks off of pretty good looks. Did a nice job hustling for boards on the night, and one place where he most definitely did not fit in was...holy crap! He talked on defense! Somebody on our team actually called out a pick! I had hoped to be so clever and insghtful by noting that only to arrive on the board after the game to see everyboyd talking about it. But they should have been -- I do not exaggerate in the least when I say that may have been the only time all season that I have heard a Kings player talking on defense, which is fairly remarkable given that I will do so even in pickup games -- its just good teamwork. And that udnerscores something else with Noc tonight -- he was running around randomly out there trying to fit in, the shots weren't falling, but what he as doing was playing good team defense. I've mentioned he's not an individual stopper, but he was calling out screens, hedging picks, trying to rotate to help, and in general doing things that have largely been anathema to our band of softies all year. It obviously was not enoguh to make much difference for us out there, as we got dominated on defense once again. But those are the sorts of things that all of your guys have to do, even if they are not great indiciual defenders, if you ever want to be a good defensive team. Let't hope some of it wears off on his teammates, rather than their apathy wearing off on Noc.

Taye Diggs -- certain people have been bugging me forever to include this guy, so here he is. I know he gets me all hot and bothered.

Greene ( C- ) -- I'm not sure whether to be encouraged or alarmed by Natt's discovery of an ever better way to play smallball by running Donte at the PF. But on a night like this where Donte wasn't that effective, where we were killed on the boards, and where many of Donte's minutes came at the expense of another young player in Jason, I think I'm leaning toward alarmed. What worked in Memphis against a team that really has no full sized PFs did not pay divdends against the Mavs. Had one offensive moment, canning a three in the late second to help us stay within shouting distance. And came up with another blocked shot which will have to stand in for a point of encouragement tonight. But it was not nearly enoguh to make up for the 1 reb in 21 minutes and lack of interior toughness we struggled with all night. At least maybe this backup PF stuff will provide a minutes lifeline for Donte once the whole crew is ready to go, if we ignore Diogu, Simmons, Gooden especially etc.

Tamara Brown -- on a whim I decided to test the power of the internet on this one, and as usual, the internet wins (or at least I do with my search terms). You know that supercutie in the blue dress from the Carl's Jr./Hardee's commerical with the slacker guy who tells her he is taking her to a steak dinner, but means a Carl's Jr. steak sandwich? (This commercial). Well this is her -- meet young model Tamara Brown. If this one happens to be your girlfriend please treat her right and don't lose her over a steak sandwich, ok?

 

[Bricklayer]

Solomon ( C ) -- did ok I guess given the limitations of his situation. As a PG, was more hindered than the other new guys, and could do little in the early going but just bring the ball over halfcourt and hand it off. In the late 2nd quarter this was not enoguh as he and Bobby together did not work, at all, although in a lot of ways it was more Bobby getting burned than Solomon. As the game spiraled out of control, got more free to handle the ball, and showed a little scoring ability out there. As mentioned, with him not knowing the plays its hard to make any assessment of his ability to run the team. Still worth a pretty girl though.

Haifa Wehbe -- I specifically wanted to find someone from the muslim world for this pick (Haifa is a Lebanese model/actress/singer), because there are forces straight from the dark ages at work in that part of the world who want to slap a burka over that face and lock it away. Cultural relativism sounds nice as a concept, but then you see something like Ms. Wehbe, and sorry, locking her away is just wrong. And sick. And rather pathetic. So this is how we fight the power around here -- one pretty girl at a time.

Ike Diogu ( A+ ) -- Ike didn't actually play in this one, but he SHOULD have played given that we were down 27 by the end of the third quarter, and I have resolved not to let Natt spoil our fun (or our girls). And did you know that Ike's full name is Ikechukwu Somtochukwu Diogu? Excellent, and earns the A+ right there. In fact I have been inspired to change my own name to Brickechukwu Laytochukwu Erogu, and will thank you all to refer to me as such in the future. Onto the girl!

Kelly Monaco -- former Catholic school girl...turned playboy model (right as I was in Philly too -- damn! (and what do they teach girls in those Catholic schools anyway?)) turned soap opera star. Bit of trivia, also appeared on Baywatch for a season in the late 90s, and filled in as Carmen Electra's body double because Carmen can't swim. And when you can fill in for Carmen Electra's body you are definitely doing something right.

Cedric Simmons ( A+ ) -- now Cedric didn't actually play in this one either courtesy of Natt, nor does he have a nifty name like Ikechukwu Somtochukwu, but what he does have is the last name Simmons. And the last time we had a Simmons in these parts, he came with a pretty nifty nickname of "L-Train". And so I hereby annoint Cedric as the C-Train, and give him an A+ for such an excellent nickname. And for allowing me to post another girl of course.

Cheryl Tiegs -- 1970's supermodel, and the lovely lady who really started the whole SI swimsuit supermodel phenomenon.

Kenny Thomas ( A+ ) -- Kenny is one of the rare players in the NBA who I feel absolutely no compunction about giving an A+ for NOT playing.

Jaime King -- model turned actress in Pearl Harbor and more memorably in Sin City. Another of the models I had unsatisfactory legal dealings with back in the day (when she still known as James King, the hottie with a man's name). Of course back in the day she was constantly messed up on heroin, and she has apparently since cleaned up, so I relented and added her here.

 

[Bricklayer]

Rashad McCants ( A+ ) -- welll...I included him in my little poll, so it will be kind of strange if I included him in my poll and did not even do a grade for him right? And besides -- so far as I know he did not do anything to pee off his coaches on day one, nor did he get into a brawl with Cisco. So...A+! And girl!

Freida Pinto -- somebody else on here really liked this one after seeing her in Slumdog Millionaire, so took it upon myself to share.

Drew Gooden ( A+ ) -- did an awesome job of staying injured so our young bigs could get their minutes. Keep up the good work man! A+! And since including Drew was technically a suggestion from a female poster, I suppose the least I can do is make this one a boy instead of a girl:

Hrithik Roshan -- I have tagged a number of Bollywood actresses through these lists, so it seems only fair I dig up a Bolywood actor. Hrithik Roshan, supposedly one of Bollywood's hottest -- and if he really likes you he'll break into a big song and dance.

Calvin Booth ( A+ ) -- is he even still alive? Well, regardless, Calvin should be very happy Natt did not try to tap him for some minutes -- as it stands right now with 1 minute on the season and a $1.1 million contract, Booth is in the running to set an alltime record for highest houry wage (be about $66 million an hour). You figure minimum wage is about $6.50 to $7 an hour so Calvin is earning something like 10 million times as much as he would be at McDonald's. Which is, of course, a big ole A+. And it would \be a shame to lower that ratio just for some garbagetime.

Not only a marmoset, but a baby marmoset! What could be cuter? Aww..... Ok, I'm done.

 

[VF21]

You forgot Drew Gooden.

 

[Bricklayer]

You forgot Drew Gooden.

Yeah, just left him off because he's supposed to be injured.

 

[mtb4life]

Why didn't JT play a lotta minutes? Early fouls?

 

[Larry89]

I hate Kenny Natt, that stupid ninja turtle

 

[VF21]

I hate Kenny Natt, that stupid ninja turtle

Wow. Talk about relevant...

























...or not.

 

[VF21]

Yeah, just left him off because he's supposed to be injured.

I was merely trying to help. Figured if you needed more names to make sure you had enough room for all your pictures, you had him waiting in reserve.

 

[Bricklayer]

I was merely trying to help. Figured if you needed more names to make sure you had enough room for all your pictures, you had him waiting in reserve.

Now that is a damn good point!

 

[theclash4u5]

I thought McCants wasn't eligible to play today?

 

[VF21]

Now that is a damn good point!

Finally! And to think, it only took 59,284 posts.

 

[Rockmeister]

I was merely trying to help. Figured if you needed more names to make sure you had enough room for all your pictures, you had him waiting in reserve.

Now, why did you go and help Brickie out like that. Now we have to see MORE female pictures instead of seeing MORE guy pictures.

 

[VF21]

Just to keep things going until Brickie gets finished:

 

[CruzDude]

Grade overall, C-, is part homey offset by reality aided by fact I got to switch over to Scrubs and Two-and-a-Half Men during the disastrous 2nd. Totally out of sync but then no real vet to help settle down. Expect more of the Memphis then Mavs type games for the remainder.

If Greene can learn to and play D he will see bigger minutes.

Nocioni is our new SF. Like him and his hustle.

JT and Hawes both acting like mid-round rookies they are (12th and 10th to be factual). Both gotta quit the demonstrations over fouls.

Just all out-of-sync. Happens with bunch of kids no matter how good they think they are.

 

[Emma]

excellent girls brick. Thank you for finding Tamara Brown. I instantly had strong feelings for her first time I saw her. Ahem...


Well.

C- for the game anyway.

 

[VF21]

Drew Gooden ( A+ ) -- did an awesome job of staying injured so our young bigs could get their minutes. Keep up the good work man! A+! And since including Drew was technically a suggestion from a female poster, I suppose the least I can do is make this one a boy instead of a girl:

Hrithik Roshan -- I have tagged a number of Bollywood actresses through these lists, so it seems only fair I dig up a Bolywood actor. Hrithik Roshan, supposedly one of Bollywood's hottest -- and if he really likes you he'll break into a big song and dance.

And the female poster mentioned above is very pleased with the result.