Grades v. Lakers 4/1

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Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
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#1
Maybe that effort was a really bad April fool's joke??

Anyway, theme...well, was originally going to try something April Foolish, but couldn't figure the angle, the research was taking way too long, and with the blowout we played way more people than I had material. Besides, I wanted a pickmeup. So I figured out a way to do another pretty girls theme while maintaining completely implausible deniability. In honor of the only current NBA contest in which Sacto is still in the running, NBA's Hottest...er...I mean Most Talented Dance Team Members.

Artest ( A- ) -- had himself a big game. Got off to the good start going inside against the bigger Odom and taking him entirely out of the game with foul trouble. And then on the other end, Ron, with a LOT of help, largely kept Kobe in check. Or at least kept the scoring in check. Kobe significantly controlled action for stretches in this one by passing to take advantage fo all the overplays and traps we were throwing at him. In any case, Ron was getting it done on both ends of the floor, and in the first half had effectively stymied BOTH of the Lakers top two guns. But he needed some teammates to come along for the ride, and unfortunately Ron was the only guy to play a compelte game for us. Kevin scored in the first half, Salmons gave us a burst in the second, but nobody was there all game as wingman, and the defense...the defense was just atrocious by basically everybody except Ron.

GINA (Phoenix) -- and I wanted to lead off with this one because...damn. I would say that the Suns are pulling out the big guns and gunning for Miami, but her little bio thingie says she's been wiht the team 5 years. Not sure how I missed THAT. In any case, her squad got robbed by what must have been some bored (and blind) hackers from Denver in the first round, so its moot.

Reef ( D+ ) -- grabbed some boards early, but nothing else, and got into foul trouble. Did have his one impressive take of the night as always, but of late that has basically been ALL he's been doing. One reminder that he used to be a talent, and then...nothing. The solid boardwork at the beginnign gets him what he gets here. The 1-6 shooting, complete inability to stop anything coming down the lane, foul trouble etc., does the rest.

ERICA (Sixers) -- Meet Erica. She likes ice cream and apple pie. She's also all of 18. Which could almost make me feel predatory if I was not including her for what are her doubtless amazing dancing skills.

Miller ( C+ ) -- did little in there in the early going but get beat by Kwame a few times, but came back in the second to get some more of those fugly little inside scrum finishes, and then finally hit a tenatative little jumper at the close of the first half. Had another in the early third, and offensively this was not a terrible outing for Brad. The problem would come at the other end of the floor where...I really do not know how to explain what it looked liek for those who did not see the game. It was a complete slaughter int he paint. Just a slaughter. Layup after layup after post move after post move...a slaughter. And of course in a normal, non-Kings universe you would hope/expect your 7'0" tall center to maybe contest some of that. Er...no.

NATALIE (Cavs) -- this is Natalie, of the Cavs. And this is the only pic they had of her, such a lame effort doubtless being why their dance team got eliminated so quickly. I could have screenprinted her whole bio page, but then I fear you would have had to question this young lady's intelligence. So just stuck with the headshot. Great eyes.

Martin ( B ) -- in the first half actually got off to the better start than Kobe (at least scoring wise). And other than 1 or 2 forces, played within himself and had a very solid 15 3 and 3 at half. And was also crossing over that line between merely being a scorer and being an all around player by repeatedly making passes to help set up teammates. Not a Kobe first half, but a very good one in which he and Ron basically carried the Kings and kept them withing shouting distance. Unfortunately after half Ron mostly kept it up, but Kevin just got very quiet. I think he eventually got 8 second half points, but outside of a single three, they were quiet and irrelevant points. it was really Salmons in the second half who was scoring the big hoops for us, making plays to keep us close. Kevin...not sure what happened.

CHANDRA (Lakers) -- Yeah, yeah. I pondered whetehr I really wanted to include a Lakers girl given the game tonight. But this one was damn cute. And it is only her first year according to the bio. And she's a student, so mayeb she's from out of town. And its not really her fault she only got accepted to one school, and it just happened to be in L.A. And...well, she's cute. Er...I mean talented. Besides, we could always have the RCD take a little road trip, abduct this girl, and then submit her to weeks of intensive deprogramming until she fially cracks, admits Phil Jackson is Satan, and agrees to join our squad instead.
 
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Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
Staff member
#3
Bibby ( F ) -- I started to try to analyze this...but you know what? Why bother? Its an F, no ifs, ands or buts about it. A big ole stinking F. The Lakers, wary of Mike's history against them, decided he wasn't going to beat them. And oh boy did he not. 3-15, 8 pts, compeltely ineffective. Choosing the girl to follow has been far more edifying than Mike's game tonight. Great pair of followups to the 36pt bombs away effort vs Phoenix.

TANISHA (Bucks) -- and if I had included her bio information you would have seen one of the reasons I added her here -- she has a brain as well as looks. Captain of the team over there, says she's made dean's list every semester in college....after reading dozens of "I just want to dance and have fun with my poodle, Smoochies" dancer bios, that was refreshing.

Thomas ( C- ) -- well, Kenny was back in the rotation tongiht with Corliss gone. And if I told you that he had 6pts 6rebs 2ast in 23min you would (or should) be thinking, well, not too bad. But if that's what you were thinking, then you didn't see this game. Kenny was simply too small to defend anybody in there, and guys were just running right over him on the way to layup after layup. Of our completely defensively non-existent interior trio tonight, I think Kenny took the cake. Out of respect for the numbers, for the contributions he did make, I have to hold back the real nasty grades. But we got completely exterminated inside on Kenny's watch. The numbers on the scoreboard in this case outweigh the numbers next to Kenny's name.

CECILIA (Wizards) -- and this young woman ups the ante even further -- she's going for her MBA. I have just discovered the Bigfoot/Loch Ness Monster of women: career driven professional by day, hottie dancer by night.

Salmons ( B+ ) -- came inin the first quarter for either Reef or Brad as we began smallballing ourselves to oblivion. Got to the hoop a few times by keeping his dribble alive and waiting for the Lakers to screw up their rotations on defense, but otherwise, not much impact. But came up big for us in the late third when we were in danger of being blown out. It was really John who pulled us back by hitting shot after shot and creating a few as well. He carried the big effort over to the 4th, and was the best King there for about 8 minutes or so while we were still pretending to hang on. Had a number of defensive lapses though, like virtually the entire rest of the team, and while this was a nice effort with a big timely push, I simply refuse to hand out two A type grades on a night when Kobe scores 19 and we still give up 126.

KATHERINE (Heat) -- Remember the champion Heat Dance Team's attention grabbing headliner from last year? Well, she's back. Which may go a long way to convincing me that I have been wrong, and that there really is a God.

Cisco ( C ) -- had a handful of his Cisco errors, but the main reason for this low grade is Cisco's ineffectiveness on the defensive end this time. Normally what you can kind of count on, but tonight Luke Walton in particular just overpowered him inside for layup after layup. One of the few times his scrawniness has really been taken advantage of by an opponent, and it was just part of general collapse down in the paint.

ARI (Celtics) -- Ari's bio showed more fun personality than the average houseplant too, but its late, and I am getting lazy. California girl just transplanted up to Beantown for unspecified reasons.
 
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Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
Staff member
#4
Williams ( INC) -- garbagetime
Price ( INC ) -- garbagetime
Douby ( INC ) -- garbagetime

Muss ( ) -- garbage
 
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#5
Maybe that was our mistake this year, maybe we've been playing against the wrong teams. The Magic's "Dunkin' Dancers" might have been a better match.

 
#10
I voted for Cecilia about a dozen times to make the All-Star team for ... um, her superior dancing abilities.

About the only positive things I remember from this season.
 

SLAB

Hall of Famer
#11
I think Katherine is the most talented of the bunch.

But could one imagine the superior ability of all of these girls on the very same team night in and night out?

Imagine how many people would come out to...Watch them dance and show how talented they truly are!



And how about those talented guys for Muss? Unfortunately I could only find that pic of the whole team instead of just highlighting a single individual.
 
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#13
Nothing personal, but I've never liked this thread topic. Breaking down the performance of individual players doesn't add up to how they played as a team. You could have every player with an A rating and still lose the game.
 
#14
You could have every player with an A rating and still lose the game.
That hasnt ever happened, and I doubt ever will. Brick's grades are usually right on target 99.9% of the time, and high grades(or low, for that matter...which is usually the case with this current team) aren't given out unless they're EARNED by the respective player.
 
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Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
Staff member
#15
Nothing personal, but I've never liked this thread topic. Breaking down the performance of individual players doesn't add up to how they played as a team. You could have every player with an A rating and still lose the game.
I know Oscar was supposed to be a grounch, but how can you not like THIS thread topic: :p

 

VF21

#KingsFansForever
Staff member
#18
Nothing personal, but I've never liked this thread topic. Breaking down the performance of individual players doesn't add up to how they played as a team. You could have every player with an A rating and still lose the game.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I'm thinking you're not forced to read any of the threads...

Brick's grade threads are a very popular topic around here (and were even before the "topic du jour" was instituted).
 
#19
The grades and pre-game threads are often the only good part of a scheduled game nowadays. It's like haha this is funny, crap these guys suck, haha this is funny. I like that setup and think we should keep it that way.
 

VF21

#KingsFansForever
Staff member
#20
The grades and pre-game threads are often the only good part of a scheduled game nowadays. It's like haha this is funny, crap these guys suck, haha this is funny. I like that setup and think we should keep it that way.
So do we...

:D
 
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