The Chick Flick Holocaust, Part Deux

[Bricklayer]

Alrighty...with the big game out of the way, now on to the event that I know has REALLY been on everybody's mind over this weekend...
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The Chick Flick Holocaust
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Part II*


-- Was the quota met?
-- Did the guy(s) get the girl(s)?
-- Have I started plucking my eyebrows daily and developed an unhealthy obsession with shoes?



Stay tuned for the answers as soon as I have time to type them up...


* sequel to the worldwide cult hit The Chick Flick Holocaust: http://forums.kingsfans.com/showthread.php?t=1303&page=1&pp=15

 

[doone]

You crack me up Brick. I've been waiting FOREVER for this, can't wait to see what stuff you guys come up with.

 

[Bricklayer]

Okay, finally getting a chance to get back to this:

Some of you may remember CFH Part I -- the circumstances: I lost a bet in the fall. My punishment, 30 chick flicks in 30 days in November with a girl I was seeing. After I got done, decided as long as I had to watch that much emasculating cinema, might as well share my reviews with the board.

CFH II was a little different. Same girl. Same type of flicks. But at least initially it was not a bet, but rather a bargain. As in I watch 30 more chick flicks with you from early Jan until Super Bowl Sunday (a cathartic testosterone-laced rebound day), and in exchange you will do...leave that to your imagination.

Negotiations were protracted, and the exact terms were the subject of some tough bargaining -- thought I was going to have to go out and commit the terms to paper and get it notarized at one point (we are actually both notaries ourselves but shockingly you are not allowed to notarize your own deals). Basically I wanted back credit for a scattering of chick flicks I had watched with her in the weeks before the deal was struck and wanted assurances that Bridges of Madison County would under NO circumstances appear on the menu. She wanted assurances that I would not field phone calls on my cell during the flicks, and that I would not adopt an air of superiority and haughtily dismiss any flick on the list. (Who me??? ). We both agreed that anything we had both seen in the recent past should be off the menu as a rule (including obviously anything watched as part of CFH I). Mutually seen years ago or new for one or the other of us was preferred. We also covered the types of movies which would qualify -- I made a half-hearted effort to convince her that Last of the Mohiccans was a gloriously romantic movie with a love story at its heart -- kind of a chick flick featuring the occasional braining with a tomahawk. Irrationally, she did not go for it. Women.

So anyway the bargain was struck, with me getting back credit for 3 movies, but not a fourth which she claimed I worked through (I protested that I only glanced at a brief a few times for maybe 5 minutes total but she was firm that my attention was divided). And of course I promised to be a good boy and give the flicks all the attention they deserved. I warmed up the night of that ugly loss the Kings had down in New Orleans with a loud and gory viewing of Conan the Barbarian -- one of the most macho movies ever made -- (shockingly she declined my invitation to join me) and thus fortified for the long haul, we were off!

So without further ado: The Chick Flick HolocaustPart II baby!!!

 

[Bricklayer]

this time, anticipating this thread, I took a few notes on some of these -- so more to say. Pick up the numbering at 31 (CFH I ended at 30.).

First of all: (NOTE: Spoilers ahead)

31. Serendipity (6) -- this was the one that actually got the CFH II started -- so you have this flick to thank for this thread. Came on cable one night in late Dec. (also noticed it was again running on TBS opposite the Superbowl). I think I may have just been in a good mood when I watched it, but kind of liked it. Of course on the other hand it may also just have been because I think Kate Beckinsale is really really cute. In any case, not to get too philosophical about a romcom, but this was kind of an interesting movie because in a lot of ways it really distilled the whole gloriously silly romantic notion of their being "one person who was meant for you" into its purest form. And used the Sleepless in Seattle keep-the-lovers apart all movie long approach to further distill things. Not really a story of love, but a story of the romantic PURSUIT of love. Movie started off on a shaky foot with one of those meet cutes where the woman, while undeniably beautiful, is portrayed as incredibly annoying and maybe even vaguely disturbed in an effort to establish her as carefree, romantic & interesting. But settled down thereafter and for the most part the attractive leads were likable once they weren't trying so hard. Also got a nice supporting performance from Jon Cusack's best friend here to set up some good buddy movie sidelights. Now, in the "what the hell were they thinking" category, I'm wondering if the filmakers really thought about certain aspects of this film -- you see in order to set up the "destiny" of the two main characters, they end up dumping their respective fiancees basically at the altar. Furthermore, rather than portraying these fiancees as bad people or terrible matches, they are actually essentially good people who really do love our two lovebirds. So we have a "romantic" movie featuring some rather cruel treatment of loving partners who deserve better. Nonetheless, overall mix worked for me for whatever reason, although we're talking featherweight here.

 

[Bricklayer]

32. Sommersby ( 6 ) -- this got pulled off of a dusty shelf. Had almost forgotten this one was made. Movie from the early 90's I think. Gere/Jodie Foster vehicle. A romance I guess. But an actual quality movie with depth as opposed to a carefree chick flick. Liked the ending -- any movie where Richard Gere ends up biting it is a good one in my book.

As an aside, this movie reminds me of a theory a female friend of mine proposed to me a few years ago -- think it was her own, but she almost convinced me. The theory: Jodie Foster is a lesbian. The evidence? She's rarely photographed with guys, and she has absolutely zero chemistry with any of her male leads. This movie might be the best argument against that, but even here the chemistry with Gere isn't so much romantic as...not sure what.

 

[Bricklayer]

33. Along Came Polly ( 4 ) -- I avoided this when it hit the theaters just out of wariness. Unfortunately I was right. Was kind of looking for a comedy, came up with a flat romcom with no chemsitry between the leads. In fact not only no chemistry, but absolutely 100% unbelievability that these two people would be together. And on the comedy front, very erratic. You know how sometimes you can tell from the very beginning of the move whether the people who made it really know comedy or not? Well there was a moment here, where the omnipresent Ben Stiller walks in on his wife and the scuba instructor um...deep sea diving. And very briefly there is an hilarious ludicrous angle where you just see their flippers flapping around on every...dive. And then the director blows it. Switched the angle. Prolongs the scene. Squishes the laugh. And spends the rest of the movie trying to have a blind ferret repeatedly ram its head into solid objects to force laughs. Funny once. But just felt like they entirely ran out of ideas.

 

[Bricklayer]

34. Shakespeare in Love ( 9 ) -- and a giant mea culpa here. This of course is an Oscar winner. The movie which beat Saving Private Ryan. And I have avoided it for years. Been told it was very good, but no, not going to watch it. Oops. In my best Ivy League bluenose haughtiness I made the, as it turns out entirely erroneous assumption that this was a dumbing down of Shakespeare for the modern audience, and of course playing the erudite snob to the fullest I wasn't going to have any of THAT. Pfft! -- commoners. Well, I was wrong. I admit. I was wrong. Embarrassingly so. See? While I jump to conclusions at least I have it in me to admit when I've been an idiot. Anyway, on to the flick. One of the highest class romcoms I have seen. And not a bastardization of Shakespeare so much as a real tribute to it. Screenplay was just brillaint and far from insulting the intelligence of the viewer, I think its actually more enjoyable the more Shakespeare you actually know (not that I'm an expert in the least) as the movie continuously plays with a plot which intentionally parallels a famous Shakespeare play (actually several). Also must say that my opinion of Ms. Paltrow has steadily risen with these CFHs -- still do not like her at all when I see her in person, but as an actress perhaps I had not been seeing her in her best element. Anyway, a really good one. And a chick flick I actually don't feel like I have to apologize for liking.

 

[Bricklayer]

35. Sabrina (5) -- the modern remake. Think I've seen the orginal Hepburn version somewhere back there, and seem to remember it having more charm. Part of the problem with the new one is a Harrison Ford performance as the putative love interest that is so stiff you would swear they must have jammed a telephone pole up his *** before shooting began every morning. And in the great Hepburn tradition, he is looking every one of his 50 or so years and preying on a girl who I think is susposed to be about 21 or so. Rest of the movie has some minor charm, but the incongruity of having Julia Ormund(whatever happened to her anyway?) kissing somebody with a bad case of rigor mortis just trashes the whole love story that's suposed to be at its heart.

 

[Bricklayer]

36. My Big Fat Greek Wedding ( 7 ) -- I dreaded this one + when it came up I wished I had added it to the Bridges of Madison county class of banned movies. But I hadn't, and there it was. And you know what? It was actually not at all bad, although I was good and ready for it to be over by the time it wrapped up + have no interest in seeing it again. Followed few of the romcom factory standard plot devices + was all around a far more legitimate and less cynical effort. Much of its interest and humor came by the tangibly ethnic Greek setting. Also featured an actually believable ugly duckling to swan makeover as our uncharacteristically unattractive female lead transforms herself into...well, a not exceptionally attractive woman who was at least making an effort. Did not really buy that the classically handsome male lead would fall head over heels for her, but hey it worked and I think made her more believable than the standard 50 Most Beautiful Women In the World starlet putting on a pair of glasses and now being "ugly". Thing was, story had very little dramatic tension as the only real question was how long her doting fiancee was actually going to put up with her incredibly overbearing family. Built up to a warm-hearted ending, but then undermined the whole thing with a final shot showing that her sexist father's gift of a house for a wedding gift was actually just another way to keep control of her, and her whole liberation was worth a couple of hundred feet. Anyway...I was not the target audience, but some veyr mixed messages late anyway.

 

[Bricklayer]

37. Josie & the Pussycats ( 4 ) -- this was not a chick flick. Well, it involved female leads. And it had a romantic subplot. But this was...basically a Grade B satire I guess. The premise actually might have been amusing in more competent hands (a giant conspiracy theory explaining the sheep mentality of pop culture addicts), but this was really clumsy. Had actually heard of the movie a few years ago because a friend of mine who is a musician had her stuff compared to music from Josie & the Pussycats by several different people + I was not sure how to take that at the time. After seeing the movie...might have been an insult.

 

[Bricklayer]

38. Coming to America ( 7 ) -- an oldie, and the fact I remember it from when it was a youngie makes the case that I'm headed toward being an oldie myself. Uncharacteristic Eddie Murphy flick from back in his prime in the late 80's. Really a romcom, and believe it or not he pulled it off. But of course being an Eddie Murphy flick from that era, lot of laugh out loud moments as well. Gets some hilarious work out of James Earl Jones of all people too.

 

[KingKong]

38. Coming to America ( 7 ) -- an oldie, and the fact I remember it from when it was a youngie makes the case that I'm headed toward being an oldie myself. Uncharacteristic Eddie Murphy flick from back in his prime in the late 80's. Really a romcom, and believe it or not he pulled it off. But of course being an Eddie Murphy flick from that era, lot of laugh out loud moments as well. Gets some hilarious work out of James Earl Jones of all people too.

This is definately not a Chick Flik. I know that he goes to Queens to find his Queen and all (maybe he should have gone to Sactown instead ), but I think it's more of a comedy and one of the funnier "Eddie" flicks I've seen. After watching it years ago, I've had a reccuring dream of getting bathed by a dozen beautiful nude women (oops did I just say that out loud? ).

 

[Bricklayer]

39. Angel Eyes (5) -- well, started off with a mildly interesting mystery that seemed perhaps reminiscient of City of Angels, but found a way to provide the absolutely least interesting and imaginative possible explanation for events. JLo actually does fine here with her sterotypical tough girl who's vulnerable underneath bit. But her susposed love interest is so incredibly weird that there simply can't be any spark between them. He walks around like he's stoned all the time, and she responds by charmingly treating him like dirt and biting his head off. And of course love blossoms.

 

[Bricklayer]

40. Starman ( 8 ) -- I suggested this one on a night when inspiration was waning for the girl. Hadn't seen it for a long time but it is a terrbily romantic movie. A combo sci-fi/romance/roadtrip movie, which is not something you see every day. That John Carpenter directed it back at a time when he still was the premiere horror director in Hollywood again just underscores how talented he was and again raises the question for me of what the hell happened to him? Also starred a bit of a mystery actress in Karen Allen who I think I had a crush on when I was 12 or so -- the mystery being that for a brief time there in the late 70's/early 80's she sprang up as an "A" list actress in huge projects (Animal House, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Starman) + then she just faded away into obscurity. Anyway, very entertaining movie that is touching if you don't trip on your machismo on the way to the video store.

 

[Bricklayer]

41. Bounce (5) -- hmmm...basically a TV movie of the week centered around the romantic efforts of an ad exec to woo the widow of the man he inadvertently sentenced to death in a plane crash. Also features such wonderful touches as the irony of having Ben Affleck play a guy who sinks into alcoholism and ends up in AA, and a meet cute involving a Rottweiler attack. Finishes off with a real bang with another Hollywood courtroom scene which makes no sense to anyone who's ever actually walked into one. On a more positive note the movie actually featured a moderately sympathetic Gwyneth Paltrow, uncommonly delicate acting by both leads, and had one or two little nuggets of heart and insight.

 

[GoGoGadget]

32. Sommersby ( 6 ) -- ...

As an aside, this movie reminds me of a theory a female friend of mine proposed to me a few years ago -- think it was her own, but she almost convinced me. The theory: Jodie Foster is a lesbian. The evidence? She's rarely photographed with guys, and she has absolutely zero chemistry with any of her male leads. This movie might be the best argument against that, but even here the chemistry with Gere isn't so much romantic as...not sure what.

Not sure about the sexuality of your friend -- wouldn't want to assume -- but I know quite a few lesbians who like to claim Ms. Foster as their own. Personally, I couldn't care less (never been a fan).

You have no idea how many times I've heard a few gals get in an arguement over which of them has caught Jodie Foster in a gay bar more often. Good for laughs, I gotta say.

 

[GoGoGadget]

38. Coming to America ( 7 ) -- ...

Two words:

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!!!

 

[Bricklayer]

42. Meet Joe Black ( 5 ) -- ladies, if any of you out there have ever had fantasies about getting it on with the Grim Reaper, well 1) you're twisted; and 2) have I got the movie for you! Actually tried my best to dissuade the viewing of this one, had seen the first 45 minutes or so years ago and thought it was just awful. But now having seen the whole thing I will say that I didn't stay with it long enough the first time. LONG enough being the pivotal phrase, because this movie is LONG and SLOW, and just sort of meanders around before finally reaching a less than pithy ending with an ok payoff. The "romance" here, is kind of secondary and very weird, as you might expect. And Brad Pitt is trying too hard and too successfully to be unhuman. He comes off boring and flat, which is too bad because he's a good actor. Oh well, better than I expected given my earlier experience with this movie, but still unfocused and unsure of what it wanted to do. Can I have my 3 hours back please?

 

[Prophetess]

brick--I'm surprised I liked meet joe black and i'm not a brad pitt fan(gasp, i know).
how exactly did that get qualified as a chick flick?

 

[GoGoGadget]

42. Meet Joe Black ( 5 )

The shots of Brad Pitt getting smacked by the car in the beginning got me laughing so hard that it was impossible to pay attention to the rest of it. I like Brad Pitt as an actor (a lot) in certain things. This wasn't one of them.

 

[Bricklayer]

brick--I'm surprised I liked meet joe black and i'm not a brad pitt fan(gasp, i know).
how exactly did that get qualified as a chick flick?

Oddly that was kinda how it was marketed. I'm not sure how to classify it, so guess it fits as well as anything. It did star Mr. Chick Eye-Candy.

 

[Bricklayer]

43. Notting Hill ( 8 ) -- and mea culpa #2 on this list -- another flick I had intentionally avoided for years despite the recommendations (strident in one case) of women I know. Maybe the Julia factor for me, or a fear of being stuttered to death by Hugh Grant. In any case, ok, I admit it. I was wrong again. Twice in a month -- must be some sort of record for me. Anyway the flick neatly turned the normal romcom formula on its head and made the WOMAN the rich/powerful one, and the guy the average Joe. Kept things feeling fresh even when they were cliched. Julia getting to play on the other side of the Pretty Woman formula, and most I've liked her in any movie since her breakthrough hit (also get the feeling she may have been directly involved in this one -- lot of stuff that seems semi-autobiogaphical = in a lot of ways she is playing herself, and the character's problems are kind of hers). But it really wasn't her movie -- it was Hugh's. I say that because these stories always are told from the perspective of one of the players, and the other one only exists when they walk into the main star's life. So we get to know Hugh's life, but Julia just wanders in here and there. Movie actually channeled some of Four Weddings there too -- mysterious American woman, and also wisely gave Hugh another group of goofy friends (which limits his cloyingness). Anyway, movie came together nicely, and as chick flicks go was imminently watchable. Did go for the dumb cliched "public declaration of love" ending that is such a staple of these things -- press conferences, TV shows, baseball stadiums...is that REALLY more romantic than something personal? But one of the better ones.