Grades v. Nuggets 03/11

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Bricklayer

Don't Make Me Use The Bat
And our theme: Bald Sex Symbols

Artest ( C+ ) -- not a very focused first half, and not much impact. Melo's shooting percentage was chilly again, but while Ron definitely had a part in it, it wasn't the lockdown effort on Melo we've seen in the past so much as Melo just continuing his crap play of late and forcing dumb shots, dribbling into double teams etc. Ron did hop out to harass various other dribblers of course. In the mid third Ron began to really wake up and press the attack, and was the major factor in holding us within any sort of striking range. But he hurt rather than helped by trying to play the hero in the 4th, took almost every shot for a long stretch, and hit very few of them.
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TELLY SALVALAS -- never sure why actually (looked a lot like my grandfather)

Thomas ( B- ) -- was off to the fast start, and then just went away. Gave us a little more in the third. And really other than Ron in the third, was about the only guy who gave a reasonable level of hustle and boardwork in his minutes. No interior defense of course. Shocker.
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HAWK (Avery Brooks) -- Hawk was cool

Miller ( C ) -- made his best play of the first half...standing flatfooted and operating as a jumping platform for Camby to push off of for a dunk attempt. Gave us more after half, and I was wavering on where to settle this grade. Peppered in a few jumpers and a pretty decent all around numbers 11pts 7reb 5ast 1stl and 2blks (legit ones actually this time). But also had some really ugly plays -- getting blocked and stripped multiple times in true flatfooted can't jump over a phonebook white boy fashion, and threw in some awful TOs to really round out the ole effort. Given the dunkfest inside and another whooping on the glass, hard to excuse our 7-footer from all responisbility.
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JASON STATHAM -- ok, so he's not entirely bald and normally leaves a stubble. Close enough.

Martin ( D ) -- this...was poor. Began the game at least with a little life, and got the better of another sad double flopfest, this time with A.I.. Was Iverson's 3rd foul of the first quarter, and looked to maybe be a turning moment early in the game. Well...it turned things all right. All the wrong way. Kevin just disappeared and turned in a very drab lifeless effort where he might as well have not been out there. The Nuggets had a good defensive scheme against him, and not only was he knocked into passivity, but he ended up getting badly outplayed by....get this, Linas Kleiza. Did nothing at all in the third quarter, and his numbers in this one are highly deceptive -- Muss basically padded his stats by running him all the way through garbagetime, and Kevin had at least half his points in the last 4-5 minutes after the game was already over and Quincy Douby should have been on the floor. Maybe a 7-9pt effort while the game was going on, and aside from one or two nice attempts to match A.I.'s quickness, minimally effective on the other side of the floor too.
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PATRICK STEWART -- Engage.
 
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Bibby ( B+ ) -- hot first quarter, and as is so often the case, when Mike was hot, so were we. Then when he cooled in the second quarter, so did we. So he starts off the second half..and does the idiot savant bit again -- taking simply stupid shots that you normally slap somebody over, but in one of his little zones where no matter how crappy, ho long, how off balance, the shots were gong to go in. Ran off 9pts on 3-3 from 3pt land in about 2 minutes. Abruptly stopped however, and was not heard from again until. Got dumb trying to play hero, before handing the baton to Artest of the same thing.
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NATALIE PORTMAN -- ok, I am not arguing that bald is Natalie's best look, and I might be cheating here. But she is damn cute, and I was runnning out of people.

Salmons ( C- ) -- did little in the first half, and no real effect defensively. Nothing in third. In short, never noticed him, and its more the fuzzy nothing that John sometimes gives that keeps this respectable.
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BIG NASTY -- I added this one purely in honor of my mom, who has developed a totally inappropriate cradle robbing crush on her favorite Kings player (he is the same age as my brother). Apparently he is "cute" and somehow "looks like a Roman". Er...anyway.

Reef ( F ) -- a bad and almost embarrassing effort. Could not finish inside in the first half, and wasn't able to grab anything off the glass against the big Nuggets frontline . Followed that with another bad start to the 4th which saw him again looking too small and too groundbound to compete against the Nuggets bigs. Just repeatedly had the ball blocked or taken right out of hands, and lost his compusure and compounded things by chucking up an ill-conceived three point attempt as we were sliding.
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YUL BRYNNER -- another from the golden age of bald guys in Hollywood.

Cisco ( C ) -- short, invisible first half stint which saw the Nuggets really begin to roll against us. In the third, gave us a brief boost with hustle, but then started getting beat even in those aspects. Hit his only shot late in garbagetime.
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BRITNEY -- ok...this one is almost in bad taste as this was a clear cry for help. But she WAS a sex symbol once...and now she's bald. And I'm scrambling. So...there.
 
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Corliss ( C+ ) -- one hoop, one blown layup, and nothing else in the first half. No boards. Better in the third, and chipped in with a pair of hoops before the end of the quarter as we continued to lurk. Nothing special here, but did eventually manage to contribute a few of those instant inside offense hoops (and his one awful turnover of the game of course).
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MJ -- well once upon a time at least


Muss ( ) -- coming...
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VIN DIES...oh...er.....changed my mind. ;)
 
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BRITNEY -- ok...this one is almost in bad taste as this was a clear cry for help. But she WAS a sex symbol once...and now she's bald. And I'm scrambling. So...there.

It's OK Brick... she is a fitting symbol for how things are going right now. If I could give Slamson the rest of the season off and make bald Britney our mascot, I would.
 
I thought Ron did okay...his offense went in spurts...and he kept Melo pretty quiet when Iverson couldn't help sitting on the bench.

Can't shut Melo down every time, and he still kept him to a pretty crappy % for the majority of the game.
 
Bravo on the Statham and bald Natalie picks, but... clearly you needed help on this one.

Two words: Taye Diggs.

(Third word: YUM! :p )
 
As a baldy myself, I appreciate the tribute.

I could comment on the Kings, but the baldness theme was more inspiring tonight.
 
we really dont know what team is going to show up each game...still the 'Jeckl and Hyde' Kings, as far as I'm concerned.

edit: Isnt this fun to watch!
 
I saw K-Mart being taken out of the game by his own teammates and then his coach.

I saw Artest ball hog like he hasn't ball hogged in a long time. I thought he got over this.

I saw way too much Corliss and Kenny with the ball in their hands.

I didn't see enough Bibby when he was hot.
 
Why is there no Sinead O'Connor? :confused:

Even I find Big Nasty more attractive than Britney... and I'm a hetero guy :D

As for actual grades... better not think about them too much. Everybody was horrible except Mike and... Kenny? :eek:
 
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