THE ORDEAL

[VF21]

by VF21

It was to be just a quick overnight trip down to Sacramento. A trip to finally meet some of the members of kingsfans.com face-to-face. A chance to spend some time with my best friend AND see a King's game surrounded by myriad Kings fans AND beer! What's not to like? How could I know this would end up being forever known as THE ORDEAL???? (First hint of impending doom music should go here...)

When Kingsgurl called and said she would accept no excuses, that I WAS going to attend the get-together, I knew better than to argue. KG is, well, let's just say convincing. (I won't say scary because she might hurt me. ) So, I agreed to be ready when she arrived after work (hers, not mine) to take me back to her house for the night, to be followed by a relaxing Sunday capped off by watching the Kings play the Wizards at Players with some of our kingsfans.com members. When she arrived, we sat and chatted for a few moments and we were on our way.

The ride back was uneventful. Not much traffic in the mountains late at night, even on a Saturday, so we made very good time. Of course, the fact the KGmobile is apparently equipped with stealth technology was an obvious plus. We arrived at the KG manse and I quickly discovered the joys of cable Internet. Add to that the incredible fun of being able to have two computers in the same house online at the same time and KG and I played online until the wee hours of the morning. Somewhere around 3 a.m., eyes bleeding and unable to focus, I finally called it a night and snuggled down for a good night's sleep.

...

If you've never had your eyeballs licked by a cat while sleeping, it is an experience I can testify is so totally unique as to defy description. And I have cats. I've lived with cats all my life. BUT I have never experienced the feeling of a cat's tongue as it apparently was trying to comsume my eyeball through the eyelid.

Quickly and completely awake, I didn't bother to get up. I luxuriated in the feeling of knowing I didn't really have to worry about anything today. My day was planned out; it was going to be easy-going and I didn't even have to worry about bringing in firewood, etc. Indoor heating not involving a wood stove is a good thing! Especially in the middle of winter...

Kingsgurl, being the consummate host, OR SO I THOUGHT AT THE TIME, was soon up and moving around and, most importantly, making coffee. Ah, the joys of coffee. And having someone bring you a cup of coffee first thing in the morning is beyond belief, especially when you have not had to lift a finger or remove yourself from your comfortable perch.

We drank coffee; we checked the board; we chatted for a while. Kingsgurl received a phone call and said she had to run some errands. She asked if I wanted to go, and I demurred, saying I'd rather stay and get ready for the gathering. She took her shower, got ready and left. She said we would need to leave in about an hour and a half, so she'd be back around then. Her parting words were, "Oh, use my shower instead of the one in the main bathroom. It's smaller but the water pressure is a lot better." (Feel free to hum impending doom music at this point...)

So, I called Kingsgirl4, talked for a couple of minutes and decided to get my shower out of the way. I have long hair and it does take a while to dry so I didn't want to wait too long. Taking KG's advice, I grabbed my overnight bag, went to her room and saw that she wasn't kidding. She has a nice dressing room/vanity area and then, beyond that, a smaller room with only a toilet and the shower in it. I grabbed my clothes, a couple of towels, toiletries, etc. and, closing the door behind me, proceeded to take a nice luxurious shower, washing my hair thoroughly, and just looking forward to the day to come.

Shower over, I got out, wrapped my hair in a towel, proceeded to dry off and get dressed. That done, I reached for the doorknob...

...

...

 

[VF21]

Let me interject one slight fact at this point that should be considered before you read the rest of this narrative: I have claustrophobia. It wasn't bad when I was younger but as I've grown older it has become worse. I cannot ride in express elevators; I cannot sleep in mummy sleeping bags; I cannot even think about entering caves. I have already arranged with my family to be cremated because the idea of being shut up in a box, even when I am thoroughly, completely and irreversably dead, terrifies me beyond belief.

...

...

So, I reached for the doorknob...turned it, and it spun like a top. Didn't catch; didn't make a sound; etc. It just spun in my hand and DIDN'T open the door.

Hmmmm. Okay. I tried again. Same reaction.

At this point, in the parts of my brain not already screaming, "Oh my God, we're going to die!" was a little, tiny voice. It was trying to say something. Before kicking in the door, I decided to see if I could hear the voice.

The little voice was reminding me that some time ago, Kingsgurl had told me she had to get off work early to go home and rescue her son who had...drumroll, please...locked himself into her bathroom. I tried arguing with the little voice, saying that KG would have told me had that been true, but the little voice said she probably forgot or she didn't forget, but thought I would have remembered the story she had told me some time before.

The little voice was terribly calm and matter of fact, and I realized how much I hated that little voice. Hated it with every fiber of my being because it had just told me the one thing I would most like NOT to hear. I, the claustrophobe, was locked in a bathroom, a bathroom with no windows, a single light bulb which the little voice quickly pointed out might burn out at any second, and walls that were already moving towards an eventual meeting with each other as inexorably as the tide.

I sat down...and proceeded to think about NOT panicking. The little voice, which was already annoying the crap out of me, pointed out that Kingsgurl would be returning. I wasn't going to be in there forever and that if I could just find a way to pass the time, I would be fine.

Yeah, easy for the little voice to say. The little voice isn't claustrophobic. The little voice can just go into different parts of my brain and find things to keep itself amused. Stupid little voice.

Then I thought about poor Kingsgurl. It hasn't been a good week for her. First, the Webber trade. Second, the loss of her wonderful dog, Mayce. Since bad things happen in threes, was this going to be the third? Was her best friend going to die in her bathroom AND right before a Kings game?

The little voice said I was being overly dramatic. I told the little voice to do something physically impossible, especially for a disembodied voice. It left... but I knew it would be back.

As I sat there, gnawing on my finger, I started to remember that I would most likely soon become light headed and suffer from oxygen deprivation. No matter there was a functioning circulation fan or a crack at the bottom of the door where air could clearly get in. I was feeling faint.

After what seemed like years, but was most likely no more than 10 minutes or so, I thought I heard something. "Tina," I called out. No answer, and then - out of the corner of my eye - I detected movement. Hallucinations, the little voice said in a particularly annoying maner. Bite yourself, I told the little voice.

I looked down and, sure enough, there WAS movement. The same cat who had licked my eyelid early in the morning was now apparently trying to either show me the way out OR was simply being catlike and teasing me, much as they do with cornered prey. The tip of her paw was under the door, and wiggling. "Here's the way out," it said in some kind of feline code. "Come this way!"

...

Time passes slowly when you're actually trying to figure out if you've lost your mind yet and if so, if there's any chance of recovery. I thought about the gathering; I thought about my daughter; I thought about how Kingsgurl would have to wait until AFTER the game to call KG4 and give her the bad news because KG4 doesn't answer the phone during games.

I thought about what KG would say at the gathering. I decided the best thing for her to do would be to simply prop me in a corner, and let people think I was simply sleeping ala Bernie in one of my favorite movies.

I remembered John McCain had once said he passed time as a POW by playing sports in his mind. So, after checking with the little voice who assured me it would listen for the arrival of KG's car and tell-tale horn bleep when she locked it, I decided to play basketball.

Kings vs. Mavericks

Miller with the tip, the ball goes to Cat who passes it to Bibby at the top of the key. The shot is long enough but slightly off to the left; Mavericks with the board.

Nash to Dirk, who moves inside, passes back out to Finley for three. BLAST YOU, FINLEY!!!...

Thomas inbounds to Cat, who brings the ball up and passes to Bibby in the corner. Bibby for three!!!

3-3

...

The game progressed. I actually got into it, somewhat like doing the PBP thread but without the luxury of actually having a real game to narrate.

Time passed, several false alarms but finally KG returned. (We calculated later she had been gone a little more than an hour.)

I heard her pull into the drive, turn on her alarm and open the front door. Tina? No answer. TIIIIIIIIINA!!!!!

"What? Where are....Oh, no!!!!"

She rushed down the hall, pulled open the door and released me from my early grave.

That should be the end of the story, but oh no....

Everything better, we got ready for the gathering. We got in the car and made a few jokes about the situation.

KG: "What did you do to pass the time?"

VF21: "Well, after momentary panic, I played a Kings game in my head."

KG: "Oh, did we win?"

V21: "I don't know. I only got to the third quarter."

KG: "Well, I could lock you back in so you could finish the game."

And that, my dear fellow Kings fans, is what friends are all about!

 

[6th]

VF, I must tell you that I grew up listening to incredible stories told by my dear Grandpa who was a master at storytelling. I want you to know that no one in my life has ever rivaled his art of storytelling. You, my friend, come pretty darn close.

 

[Kingsgrly10]

Oh my goodness VF21 that is a great story! I don't know what I would have done if i was in your spot! LoL! But that was an awesome story! I must add you're a really good at writing too!

 

[iheartBrad]

i really got into that

it was like a short story or a movie short or something

yeah you two will always remember that...hehehe

 

[nancgo]

I thought you were going to say the cat's name was Norman Bates!!!!

 

[Kingsgurl]

The cats are Bobby and Christie, actually.

 

[bdouble013]

Well, time to add yet another Kingsfans.com post to my collection. Great story VF! Now you see why I love REALLY big bathrooms.

 

[EmKingsFan4]

Oh my gosh! How scary for you!! Great, funny story though. I always get that feeling of panic when I try to unlock and open a bathroom door and, just for a second, it won't open right away. Especially a public restroom!

 

[slugking50]

Umm... Would I be a bad person to say I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes?

 

[RoyalDiva]

Oh my, poor VF21. As a fellow claustrophobe, I can understand. It is my worst fear that I will someday be locked in a bathroom, unable to get out. I still remember the news story I heard years ago about some poor woman who was locked inside a bathroom for nearly a week before someone finally discovered where she was. Scared the hell out of me.

 

[rhuber]

Wow!

I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me! What a fantastic story. The only thing better than the story itself was your extraordinary gift for telling it. You just had the entire kingsfans membership trapped in that bathroom with you.

I'll be the first in line to buy your book should you ever decide to write one. In the meantime, we need to set you up with a blog so we can read your adventures more often!

 

[SIR HENRY 8]

Yes,you defenetly have the gift of storytelling,and while I feel bad for you,there was times I WAS ROLLING ON FLOOR laughing(because of your gift).I'm glad you were rescued,or I would'nt have had the pleasure of meeting you.BTW,tina was'nt trying to show you the way out,she was simply teasing you like saying nener-nener.

 

[Prophetess]

i want the final score of the game!

you do have an extraordinary gift my friend. you really know how to draw an audience in.

 

[ILV]

I think I would have kicked the door down!