Mr. S£im Citrus' 5000th post - part 3
Slim: Hey, you got to help me. I need to win this game of Calvinball. I've got five guys on my back, and I need to plant this flag on top of the Empire State Building.
511PF: You know, while Calvin and Hobbes kicks @$$, I could really care less about your stupid game of Calvinball right now.
Slim: Hey, c'mon. I heard you’re really a nice guy!
511PF: Yeah, but MXC is on, man. It's the greatest show on Spike TV.
Slim: So frikkin' record it on your TiVo, already! I need to get to New York, now!
511PF: Ok, I do not set foot in New York as a rule. New York sucks. However, if you are that desperate, you can take my car.
Slim: Thanks, man!
511PF: But not the good car. You can take the crappy minivan.
Slim: Aw, come on!
511PF: Hey, cars I drive do NOT go to New York. Frikkin’ Yankees, think they're so great.
Slim: Fine! Just give me the damn keys!
Slim jumps into the minivan, starts the engine, and makes his way to the Mass. Pike, driving west like a soccer mom late for a practice. He manages to get across the state within the hour, and gets into New York City an hour later. As is usual with New York, traffic was a *****. Slim eventually decided to ditch the minivan and run to the Empire State Building. Slim, who has no idea of where he is going, relies entirely upon the city skyline to direct him. As a result, he does not see the Calvinball that skins his nose before crashing through a shop window.
Brick: CRAP! HOW'D I MISS?
Brick and NME run across the street after Slim, while Glenn goes to retrieve the Calvinball. Slim covers quite a bit of distance before JoMama bursts out of a phone booth and tackles him. Slim falls to the ground, and desperately tries to get up as JoMama pries at the flag in his left hand.
Brick and NME approach as Glenn sends the Calvinball right into the side of JoMama’s head. JoMama falls off of Slim, who jumps to his feet and takes off down the street like a bat out of hell. Brick picks up the Calvinball and charges down after him, with NME close behind. JoMama gets up and starts yelling at Glenn.
JoMama: Hey! What the hell was that all about?
Glenn: (shrugs) Sorry, I missed.
JoMama: Bull****! You were trying to take me out! You jerk!
Glenn pushes JoMama over, sending him to the sidewalk.
CRACK!
JoMama’s head smacks against the cement, and he is knocked out cold!
Glenn: That ought to shut you up…
Glenn takes off down the street. When JoMama eventually comes to, he hails a cab and instructs the driver to take him to the Empire State Building. Meanwhile, Slim has already made it to the base of the building. He pushes on into the lobby, despite his fatigue, and starts up the stairs. He turns the corner at the sixth floor, and comes face-to-face with J.
J: No way you're getting through me! I'm taking that flag from you!
Slim: Yeah... *huff*... well... *huff*
J: Dude, you're so tired you can't even talk! Just give me the flag, and I'll finish this.
Slim: (wheezing) Over... my... dead...
SHOVE!
J: Fine.
J gives Slim a push, sending him into the wall. He then grabs a nearby whiffle bat and batters any part of Slim left uncovered. Slim shrinks away, and enters the sixth floor through the stairwell door. He pushes a button as he runs by the elevators, mentally kicking himself for not taking it in the first place. Slim rounds a corner, and comes to a dead end hallway, with nothing but plate glass windows at the end. He turns back as J rounds the corner.
J: Give me the flag, now. Either way, I'll still get it. Why not make it easy on yourself?
Slim: Kiss off! I CALL UPON THE POWER OF
…
PIKACHU!!!
There is a rumble, and the earth begins to shake under their feet. Through the windows, Slim can see a yellow cab screech to a halt outside the building, and JoMama running into the building.
Slim: PIKACHU! I CHOOSE YOU!
Footsteps shake the ground as a gigantic Pikachu approaches the building. He lets out a mighty roar before climbing the building.
Pikachu: PIIIII—KAAAAA—CHUUUUU!!!
As Pikachu climbs the Empire State Building, his giant hands and feet smash through the walls of the building. His foot comes through right behind Slim! Slim jumps onto Pikachu's foot, and is carried up by the giant. As Pikachu approaches the top, Slim can hear the buzzing sound of approaching helicopters. Army copters approach the climbing Pikachu, and start shooting at him. Pikachu stops climbing, and starts swatting at the copters.
Slim decides this is as good a time as any to get off, and crawls through a hole in the wall, making his way back to the elevators. On the roof, the other four contestants wait for the elevator to arrive.
*Ding*
The doors open. Bricklayer chucks the Calvinball into the empty elevator. After a second of inactivity, the participants approach closer to the elevator, wondering where Slim could have disappeared to. They all step inside…
SLAM!
When suddenly, the doors close behind them! J presses the door open button, but it's too late; the elevator is already on its way down!
Glenn: What's going on?
J: Somebody in the lobby called the elevator, see? We're going all the way down.
The elevator arrives at the lobby, and the doors open to reveal JoMama.
JoMama: Did I miss him? Is he here already?
NME: YOU SILLY BASTARD! WE ALMOST HAD HIM!
J: JoMama... I hate you... so much...
Meanwhile, back on the roof, Slim arrives in a second elevator. He walks through the doors to the outside of the building, and looks up at the antennae. There, at the tip, is the place to plant the yellow flag. Slim grabs hold of the ladder, and begins to climb. He climbs up the radio antennae, stopping only once when he thinks he hears the voices of the other contestants below him. Slim continues to climb, blissfully unaware that the others have formed a human ladder, with Bricklayer on top, sitting on Glenn’s shoulders, preparing to throw the Calvinball. Slim reaches the top and looks back.
WHOOSH!
The Calvinball comes whizzing towards him! Slim reaches out, and catches it!
Slim: Ha! I caught the Calvinball! That means that all of you have got to stand still while I chuck it back at you.
Brick: …
Oh, crap...
Slim throws the Calvinball back, striking Glenn in the forehead.
CRASH!
The big man topples, bringing down all of the wrestlers below him. The five of them fall to the roof of the Empire State Building. Slim turns back, and plants the yellow flag on the tip of the antennae.
VF21: OH MY! MR. SLIM CITRUS WINS! WHAT AN AMAZING CONTEST!
6th: Here is your winner, and the Most Establised Poster of All Time... EVER... MR. SLIM CITRUS!
VF21: Holy cow! That was the best game of Calvinball EVER!
And then they all went back to the forest and ate S’Mores.
THE END