Kings10Bibby, I too am sorry for your loss. As albeitrue said. "I hope you can spend some time with any good memories you may have." And, maybe it is now time to create new memories.
I have a friend (who is in her 50's) and she too lost both of her parents (many years ago) at Christmastime. Now, she creates new Christmas memories for herself and her son.
You are in my prayers, Kings10Bibby. And if you need a surrogate mom (or grandma) to help fill in, just send me a PM. I may not be able to be with you in person, but I'll be happy to chat with you.
6th.....(a.k.a. Grandma 6th)